Ever get the feeling you're just not good enough?

[jimmymack-2000]

Ever look around at your peer group and go, "Damn, there's some smart mahfahckas out here - what am I doing?"

I think I'm having a major episode of depression right now - the weather sucks, I work at home with no human interaction, I'm having a hard time getting paid by clients/suppliers...

On one hand, I look at all these wunderkinds 5 years or more younger than me, who have started their own firm and are all over the Internet, being interviewed on blogs, speaking at conferences, etc., and I think "I wish I was like that - successful, high-profile...all my troubles would go away".

On the other hand, I love my family. I don't spend enough time with them as it is - I don't want to be one of these people that can't turn the work off (it's already pretty bad: up at 7 a.m., check emails and write a few, take my daughter to school, get back home and work straight until 5:30 or 6:00, eat dinner with the family, then back to work until 9-10 p.m.).

I truly think this modern lifestyle is killing us. How do you find enough space to have a life without the business world thinking you're slacking?

Rant off...

[Bill Blake]

Don’t worry, all those wunderkinds are just as miserable as you, and likely even more so.

Get a good book, go to a pub, and have a pint or two every now or then.

And for Christ's sake stop confusing sucess with intellegence!

[Doug]

Ever look around at your peer group and go, "Damn, there's some smart mahfahckas out here - what am I doing?"


That's at least a small part of what prompted me to go to law school. I started feeling like I was slacker and hadn't lived up to my potential.

[Bill Blake]

I started feeling like I was slacker and hadn't lived up to my potential.


Ha ha, and you still ain't!

[MYOR]

Yes..

I need to do more....

[Monny JcIntosh]

Definitely. It's worse now that I have a child. (And am spending each day in the library until 8pm!)

[Bill Blake]

Definitely. It's worse now that I have a child. (And am spending each day in the library until 8pm!)

But see that's just it: I'd KILL to be spending time at the library till 8 instead of the dead job.

[jimmymack-2000]

Definitely. It's worse now that I have a child. (And am spending each day in the library until 8pm!)

Having a child definitely changes things up a bit. I hate going to bed at night knowing I spent all of 30 minutes with her today. That's a lot of lost opportunity, IMHO. I wonder if it's all worth it?

Thanks everyone for the feedback. I've thought about going back to school, but it would have to be part-time: my spouse is just starting a new career, and can't support us both. And, we're just emerging from debt now - can't go back in....

[sn]

Ever look around at your peer group and go, "Damn, there's some smart mahfahckas out here - what am I doing?"

I think I'm having a major episode of depression right now - the weather sucks, I work at home with no human interaction, I'm having a hard time getting paid by clients/suppliers...

On one hand, I look at all these wunderkinds 5 years or more younger than me, who have started their own firm and are all over the Internet, being interviewed on blogs, speaking at conferences, etc., and I think "I wish I was like that - successful, high-profile...all my troubles would go away".

On the other hand, I love my family. I don't spend enough time with them as it is - I don't want to be one of these people that can't turn the work off (it's already pretty bad: up at 7 a.m., check emails and write a few, take my daughter to school, get back home and work straight until 5:30 or 6:00, eat dinner with the family, then back to work until 9-10 p.m.).

I truly think this modern lifestyle is killing us. How do you find enough space to have a life without the business world thinking you're slacking?

Rant off...

What's amazing is..I look at you and I feel like I am slacking! Now the cold weather will put you in a depressing fog. But in a couple of months, it will be springtime again.

[TAC]

No.

[kara]

do what i do! surround yourself with burnouts and underachievers, so you end up feeling real good about yourself

:rofl::icon_rofl::rofl:

but seriously, you need perspective. get out of the house and smell the roses. volunteer. it's not about what everyeone else is doing, it's about what you do in this life. be as important and as great as you want to be. period. it's not a competition. it's not about others finding you important, it's about you doing what you think is important.

[KBig]

Nope... I suffer from great self esteem.

And my profession doesnt define WHO I AM.


Im a friggn wizkid ! but only I know it :biglaugha:

[TAC]

Nope... I suffer from great self esteem.

And my profession doesnt define WHO I AM.


Im a friggn wizkid ! but only I know it :biglaugha:

Dang, help the kid out would ya!!!

[Suspended]

And for Christ's sake stop confusing sucess with intellegence!

...and happiness. Few people I know are happy and successful. People don't realise that you have to work at happiness too.

The Grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for. Happiness belongs to the self-sufficient. Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful.

[Phyllis Hyman Cherry]

With all due respect JimmyMack you are coming accross as Pathetic.Life is to short to dwell and live in self doubt and misery.Understand that you created the situation you are in and you have the power to get out of it.Its time to get out of the Fetal Position and make some moves.People have done far more with far less than you.Peace....

[Doug]

Ha ha, and you still ain't!

Meaning that there's even more room to distance myself from you intellectually...bitch.

[DJ Loka]

Ever look around at your peer group and go, "Damn, there's some smart mahfahckas out here - what am I doing?"

I think I'm having a major episode of depression right now - the weather sucks, I work at home with no human interaction, I'm having a hard time getting paid by clients/suppliers...

On one hand, I look at all these wunderkinds 5 years or more younger than me, who have started their own firm and are all over the Internet, being interviewed on blogs, speaking at conferences, etc., and I think "I wish I was like that - successful, high-profile...all my troubles would go away".

On the other hand, I love my family. I don't spend enough time with them as it is - I don't want to be one of these people that can't turn the work off (it's already pretty bad: up at 7 a.m., check emails and write a few, take my daughter to school, get back home and work straight until 5:30 or 6:00, eat dinner with the family, then back to work until 9-10 p.m.).

I truly think this modern lifestyle is killing us. How do you find enough space to have a life without the business world thinking you're slacking?

Rant off...


i work from home and use these boards to give me the interaction i need to stay connected to people. i see clients, but it's not the same as a measured dialogue one has with clients vs. just hanging peeps.

you mentioned your spouse starting a new career...

- we're in a similar situation, and just remember that everything is temporary...you mentioned getting out of debt, that's and AWESOME accomplishment right now! we just did that too, and right now you just need to realize you're in a different phase of your life that requires different priorities..

you're in a building phase, and that doesnt mean you're slacking, it means you're laying the foundation for the next level...

it can be repetitous and not the most exciting thing thing, but remember it's temporary and necessary for the stability of your family, and THAT is something the wunderkinds can't manage until they burn out and start wondering 'is this all there is???' lolol

you're actually in a great place, and you're not alone - hang in there :)

[Bill Blake]

Meaning that there's even more room to distance myself from you intellectually...bitch.

O trust you should, with what I’ve been reading, all of these folk so way smarter and educated than me, toppled with my guilt that I’m not learning enough, I’m a bonafide retard.

[Suspended]

Also, working from home may have its cons....but don't forget the bitchin' and politics that you're avoiding by not being in a workplace. Most people I know with a 9to5 hate the people they work with and can't call their job 'human interaction.' Nothing makes you feel more lonely than sitting with a bunch of people you have little in common with and can do nothing about it.

Chin up...you've just got the temporary blues.

[MYOR]

Having a child definitely changes things up a bit. I hate going to bed at night knowing I spent all of 30 minutes with her today. That's a lot of lost opportunity, IMHO. I wonder if it's all worth it?

Thanks everyone for the feedback. I've thought about going back to school, but it would have to be part-time: my spouse is just starting a new career, and can't support us both. And, we're just emerging from debt now - can't go back in....

I alway say I rather make less money and spend more time with my child.. As it is I know I'm missing many important things b/c I'm working..

Actually I alway rather make less money and have more time for myself.. Shit I cant take it with me when I die..:)

[Doug]

O trust you should, with what I’ve been reading, all of these folk so way smarter and educated than me, toppled with my guilt that I’m not learning enough, I’m a bonafide retard.

hahahaha

[mhd]

spend more time with your kid, thats the best investment you could ever make

[upliftdisco365]

Nope... I suffer from great self esteem.


Same here. I live with the perpetual understanding that I am the shit. I'm sure that detracts from my local popularity to some extent, because you've got a lot of nerve shining and knowing that you shine all out in the open. Besides, local popularity ain't feeding me, getting me off or paying for shit.

It begins with you. What are you doing to be where you want to be? Honestly. How's what you're doing working out for you? How willing are you to take a long, honest look at how you do things and begin to do them differently? Hard sincere effort in an efficient method always wins.

Man, fuck feeling not good enough, be better, work harder and smarter and know with certainty that you are a star.

[TAC]

http://risleyranch.blogs.com/photos/uncategorized/pimp_jr.jpg

http://members.aol.com/boogiefeverdisco/images/muppet%20pimps.jpg

http://accordionguy.blogware.com/Photos/2005/01/bling_bling.jpg

YOU GOT'S TA FEEEEEEEL IT MAN!!!!

[MYOR]

pfft it doesnt matter if you are the shit and still not spending time with your family..

[Friday]

Ever look around at your peer group and go, "Damn, there's some smart mahfahckas out here - what am I doing?"

I think I'm having a major episode of depression right now - the weather sucks, I work at home with no human interaction, I'm having a hard time getting paid by clients/suppliers...

On one hand, I look at all these wunderkinds 5 years or more younger than me, who have started their own firm and are all over the Internet, being interviewed on blogs, speaking at conferences, etc., and I think "I wish I was like that - successful, high-profile...all my troubles would go away".

On the other hand, I love my family. I don't spend enough time with them as it is - I don't want to be one of these people that can't turn the work off (it's already pretty bad: up at 7 a.m., check emails and write a few, take my daughter to school, get back home and work straight until 5:30 or 6:00, eat dinner with the family, then back to work until 9-10 p.m.).

I truly think this modern lifestyle is killing us. How do you find enough space to have a life without the business world thinking you're slacking?

Rant off...

no, i truly believe this modern lifestyle is killing us. it all comes down to priorities and what is important and that particular time.

wishing to be that high powered executive won't help any either. my boss is a high powered exec and I don't envy her at all...i see what she goes through and has a family too also.

your path is your's so no comparison, there will always be smarter or less smarter people out there...your path is your's and your's alone. A lot of those people who seemingly have "it made" don't no amount of money, or success on the outside will quell that urge to have more or better...imo a lotta folks got a lot of internal issues. we have become a colder society.

now as for the winter, I am right there with you...i keep dreaming of beaches and warm breezes...i forgot just how much winter sucks.

keep your head up jimmy!

[upliftdisco365]

pfft it doesnt matter if you are the shit and still not spending time with your family..

Agreed. Being the shit is nothing more than a state of mind, like being offended. Being the shit, in and of itself, won't take or give time to or from your family. It's simply an option for self-perception and personal attitude, which definitely radiates to the people around you. If you don't believe that you're the shit, it's not likely that people around you will believe it either.

The idea is to take your new-found attitude and apply it to how you'd like to do things differently. By working smarter (modifying your at-work method, beginning/enhancing your at-home research) you'll have more time to spend with your family. Perhaps even your family will feel your confidence and view you in a different, more positive light.

The truth is that we're all so incredibly fragile as people that confidence in people is a valued commodity. It's attractive to some and threatening to others. It's powerful. We could all be confident if we could just buy into the idea that we're capable of so much more that we show ourselves day-to-day.

[Armento]

You're very smart jimmy... Hope that helps.

[Friday]

The truth is that we're all so incredibly fragile as people that confidence in people is a valued commodity. It's attractive to some and threatening to others. It's powerful. We could all be confident if we could just buy into the idea that we're capable of so much more that we show ourselves day-to-day.

i so agree with this!

[MYOR]

Agreed. Being the shit is nothing more than a state of mind, like being offended. Being the shit, in and of itself, won't take or give time to or from your family. It's simply an option for self-perception and personal attitude, which definitely radiates to the people around you. If you don't believe that you're the shit, it's not likely that people around you will believe it either.

The idea is to take your new-found attitude and apply it to how you'd like to do things differently. By working smarter (modifying your at-work method, beginning/enhancing your at-home research) you'll have more time to spend with your family. Perhaps even your family will feel your confidence and view you in a different, more positive light.

The truth is that we're all so incredibly fragile as people that confidence in people is a valued commodity. It's attractive to some and threatening to others. It's powerful. We could all be confident if we could just buy into the idea that we're capable of so much more that we show ourselves day-to-day.
Agreed.

Personally I think I'm all that.. Its in my financial that I that I think I'm lacking... How things were b/4 I had the child is just not good enough now plain and simple..

Having a child changes EVERYTHING..

[TAD]

Same here. I live with the perpetual understanding that I am the shit. I'm sure that detracts from my local popularity to some extent, because you've got a lot of nerve shining and knowing that you shine all out in the open. Besides, local popularity ain't feeding me, getting me off or paying for shit.

It begins with you. What are you doing to be where you want to be? Honestly. How's what you're doing working out for you? How willing are you to take a long, honest look at how you do things and begin to do them differently? Hard sincere effort in an efficient method always wins.

Man, fuck feeling not good enough, be better, work harder and smarter and know with certainty that you are a star.

man i remember when you were on this board a few years back at your dead end job talking about taking the plunge full time with this music thing again. you took the chance, you made it through & now you are the shit!!! lol. :thumbsup:

[TAD]

look, there's always someone else to blame. we can always play the blame game but in the end life goes on and nobody is gonna stop to give you a helping hand.

i don't believe this society is killing us. i believe we are killing ourselves and blaming society.

[Alanda Marquette from DiscoLadyLand]

If you concerned yourself with what "appears" to be better then you would be crazy. I keep it simple, live, love and learn. I surround myself with people that are doing what they are saying, it keeps me on my toes because they are willing to help me out and vice versa. Find your joy, Your joy and desire could spark an invention, a business, whatever. From my understanding from some of you on this board (as well as myself) we are some eccentric folk and are set apart from what appears to be the "Great" people. Start brainstorming, find your art and perfect it.

[Friday]

i don't believe this society is killing us. i believe we are killing ourselves and blaming society.

society=us no? :biggrin: hee hee!

[jimmymack-2000]

With all due respect JimmyMack you are coming accross as Pathetic.Life is to short to dwell and live in self doubt and misery.Understand that you created the situation you are in and you have the power to get out of it.Its time to get out of the Fetal Position and make some moves.People have done far more with far less than you.Peace....

You are right, I <i>am</i> in pity party mode right now. It's a very new feeling for me, because normally when things aren't going my way, or I've fucked something up, I get angry at myself, grit my teeth, and put shoulder to the wheel until I've fixed things to my satisfaction.

But right now it just feels like I'm living to work, and although I'm making more money than I ever have (which still isn't a hell of a lot - communications/project managing doesn't pay too lucratively), I feel sad. I work a bit on weekends too (mostly Sunday night, to get a jump on the week ahead), and I seem to spend a lot of time on Saturday/Sunday doing the unpaid work I've neglected all week - laundry, groceries, cleaning, etc.

I have to think there's more to life than this.

[jimmymack-2000]

i work from home and use these boards to give me the interaction i need to stay connected to people. i see clients, but it's not the same as a measured dialogue one has with clients vs. just hanging peeps.

you mentioned your spouse starting a new career...

- we're in a similar situation, and just remember that everything is temporary...you mentioned getting out of debt, that's and AWESOME accomplishment right now! we just did that too, and right now you just need to realize you're in a different phase of your life that requires different priorities..

you're in a building phase, and that doesnt mean you're slacking, it means you're laying the foundation for the next level...

it can be repetitous and not the most exciting thing thing, but remember it's temporary and necessary for the stability of your family, and THAT is something the wunderkinds can't manage until they burn out and start wondering 'is this all there is???' lolol

you're actually in a great place, and you're not alone - hang in there :)

Thank you very much Loka - these are inspirational words. I need to hear something like this right now...thanks again.

[jimmymack-2000]

no, i truly believe this modern lifestyle is killing us. it all comes down to priorities and what is important and that particular time.

wishing to be that high powered executive won't help any either. my boss is a high powered exec and I don't envy her at all...i see what she goes through and has a family too also.

your path is your's so no comparison, there will always be smarter or less smarter people out there...your path is your's and your's alone. A lot of those people who seemingly have "it made" don't no amount of money, or success on the outside will quell that urge to have more or better...imo a lotta folks got a lot of internal issues. we have become a colder society.

now as for the winter, I am right there with you...i keep dreaming of beaches and warm breezes...i forgot just how much winter sucks.

keep your head up jimmy!

Thanks tania - hope things are good with you!

[jimmymack-2000]

mhd and myor, you're both right - no one ever went to their death bed saying "I wish I'd worked harder on that Ehlenmeyer account"...it's always "My kids grew up so fast, and I missed it."

But I also want to have the kind of social status, connections and partnerships that will allow my little girl to get into the university she wants to get into (we're already saving for that), and get the kind of job afterwards that she WANTS to work 10-12 hour days for.

I'm afraid if I compromise on one, it'll mean a deficit on the other.

[AMc]

Ever look around at your peer group and go, "Damn, there's some smart mahfahckas out here - what am I doing?"

I think I'm having a major episode of depression right now - the weather sucks, I work at home with no human interaction, I'm having a hard time getting paid by clients/suppliers...

On one hand, I look at all these wunderkinds 5 years or more younger than me, who have started their own firm and are all over the Internet, being interviewed on blogs, speaking at conferences, etc., and I think "I wish I was like that - successful, high-profile...all my troubles would go away".

On the other hand, I love my family. I don't spend enough time with them as it is - I don't want to be one of these people that can't turn the work off (it's already pretty bad: up at 7 a.m., check emails and write a few, take my daughter to school, get back home and work straight until 5:30 or 6:00, eat dinner with the family, then back to work until 9-10 p.m.).

I truly think this modern lifestyle is killing us. How do you find enough space to have a life without the business world thinking you're slacking?

Rant off...

I feel the same sometimes as well. It's normal. Then I notice there are alot that are dying for the opportunities I have already, so.....

This modern lifestyle IS killing us. Everyone wants more, and if we don't, then we lack confidence, drive, etc. More, more, more..... I'm happy with what I have - what pisses me off is those that call me lazy, etc., for not wanting to work ALL day. Fuck that. I go to work, come home, do my shit, and enjoy/relax as much as possible.

Anyone who judges you by your career is ignorant - we all have our reasons for where we are presently. I've met honest lawyers & lying judges, ya hear me.... I chat with the cleaning lady everyday @ 6pm because she is a great, hard working person, and believe her job is tougher than many of the higher paying positions at the company I work for.

Thank God for my Mom & Dad who've never cared about wanting "more". Whenever I get the way you're feeling Jimmy-Mack, my Dad just tells me to relax & enjoy the ride because it isn't gonna last forever. All this craziness is about "useless stuff". We're lucky to be in the shape we're in.

[D J 1 3 8]

"the world needs ditch diggers too!" :wink:

[MYOR]

mhd and myor, you're both right - no one ever went to their death bed saying "I wish I'd worked harder on that Ehlenmeyer account"...it's always "My kids grew up so fast, and I missed it."

But I also want to have the kind of social status, connections and partnerships that will allow my little girl to get into the university she wants to get into (we're already saving for that), and get the kind of job afterwards that she WANTS to work 10-12 hour days for.

I'm afraid if I compromise on one, it'll mean a deficit on the other.
Reminds me of the movie.. CLICK-

[candles]

If you concerned yourself with what "appears" to be better then you would be crazy. I keep it simple, live, love and learn. I surround myself with people that are doing what they are saying, it keeps me on my toes because they are willing to help me out and vice versa. Find your joy, Your joy and desire could spark an invention, a business, whatever. From my understanding from some of you on this board (as well as myself) we are some eccentric folk and are set apart from what appears to be the "Great" people. Start brainstorming, find your art and perfect it.

This is so true...imo we need to stop trying to keep up with the Jones and be true and help with ourselves

[AMc]

Kardinal Offishall "G Walkin'" quote.....

Yo! I was touched by the real the other day
If my pops was here he would tell me enjoy every single day
And support your family cause blood comes first - for real
Nevermind about trying to sign a deal
Just do what you gotta do and do it like the best

[AMc]

And another little quote that somewhat applies.....

"Everybody lies about sex"

They also lie about everything being "fantastic", and many make their job seem way more than what it really is......

I made an oath to be real about how my day is going. If it's shit, I'm saying so. If it's great, I'm saying so, but the moment I hear someone say their day is shit, it becomes about them, not me. Gotta share that great feeling with others.

[12th house]

People don't realise that you have to work at happiness too.

So true! Most people don't even know what makes them happy let alone knowing that they have to work at becoming a happy person! The typical attitude is that you are entitled to happiness, so when you don't have it, there's another reason to be mad at the world, mad at your mate, mad at your job, mad at your bad luck, etc. Happiness doesn't pick and choose; you pick and choose it!

[upliftdisco365]

man i remember when you were on this board a few years back at your dead end job talking about taking the plunge full time with this music thing again. you took the chance, you made it through & now you are the shit!!! lol. :thumbsup:

Thanks, man. I ended re'ing up my CCNA and going back to work, though. WAN/Telecom pays way better than music. My pesky family insists on food, like everyday, so... you know.

But I'm grinding harder than ever. I'm in a few great musical situations with some very driven and creative cats. We'll see what happens.

[mhd]

Thanks, man. I ended re'ing up my CCNA and going back to work, though. WAN/Telecom pays way better that music. My pesky family insists on food, like everyday, so... you know.

But I'm grinding harder than ever. I'm in a few great musical situations with some very driven and creative cats. We'll see what happens.

nah, you will MAKE it happen

[mhd]

mhd and myor, you're both right - no one ever went to their death bed saying "I wish I'd worked harder on that Ehlenmeyer account"...it's always "My kids grew up so fast, and I missed it."

But I also want to have the kind of social status, connections and partnerships that will allow my little girl to get into the university she wants to get into (we're already saving for that), and get the kind of job afterwards that she WANTS to work 10-12 hour days for.

I'm afraid if I compromise on one, it'll mean a deficit on the other.

well, the ivys are free now, give your girl some extra hugs and she will develop the self confidence to get a scholarship

[DLow]

Ever look around at your peer group and go, "Damn, there's some smart mahfahckas out here - what am I doing?"

I can relate to this statement. I've made a few significant changes in my life due to me checking myself and determining I didn't like the direction into which I was headed. At the end of the day, it became more of a return to a state of mind/being that I'd strayed away from some years ago. However, since doing what I needed to do get back on the right path, I feel much better about myself and I have more energy for my family and career. As a result, I spend far less time thinking or concerning myself with the actions/reactions of others.

Remaining balanced and focused has worked out well.

Hang in there.

Peace...D

[P-Flipp]

Jimmy We all go through self doubt and pity, but hey you post on a message board that celebrates the best music in existence.Just that incredible cut by Black Coffee "Even though" can get anyone out of the doldrums.So get off your butt podcast some dj mixes,reach out to your friends and people you love. It's up to you to get yourself out!Best wishes!

[darrow]

I have no words of wisdom and I'd probably tell you to ignore them anyways. I'm probably considered one of those slackers by many.

But...I'll relate my own experience.

In Aug '06 I officially changed careers. I was doing very well in IT as a Director and am now making less than half my last IT salary as a social worker/psychotherapist in a community psych unit. I was bored to tears with the IT work and wanted to do something new, different, and of interest to me. I know the money will come because I'll make it so, but I'm not fretting about it. In the meantime, many of my peers continue to have high-paying salaries, and yeah...I compare and get an attack of the green-eyed monster every now and then. But I'm digging what I'm doing, despite the low pay and low prestige.

On Oct 19th 2007 at 7 pm, my partner and I took in a 9-month old little boy who entered the local social services system in crisis. Suddenly...we're fathers. Talk about life-changing. What I quickly realized and what other (like mhd, and Myor) have already said, is that your kids are probably the most important thing. I get excited to leave work and pick him up from day care. I love the weekends and extended playtimes. Seeing and helping him grow and develop is an experience like no other. I find it hard to imagine or remember life without him. We have no idea right now if we'll be able to adopt him or not (we are definitely hoping to), but for now, all we can do is enjoy every possible moment with him. Any moment may be the last.

The challenge has been to figure out how to be a good provider (food, shelter, clothing, etc.) and be a good father. I think a lot of people get caught up in the former thinking that they are doing the latter.

Maybe, as someone suggested, the key (or one of the keys) is to find happiness or at least contentment in the provider role in the hopes that your affect...your presentation...your attitude...your whateveryouwanttocallit impacts and influences your family in a positive way. I deal with the sad and miserable practically all day and there's no doubt that the way they feel affects the other family members and how they deal with the other family members.

Anyways...blah blah blah.

I think the fact that you are thinking about your happiness, your success, and what it means for you and your family is a great thing.

[MYOR]

I have no words of wisdom and I'd probably tell you to ignore them anyways. I'm probably considered one of those slackers by many.

But...I'll relate my own experience.

In Aug '06 I officially changed careers. I was doing very well in IT as a Director and am now making less than half my last IT salary as a social worker/psychotherapist in a community psych unit. I was bored to tears with the IT work and wanted to do something new, different, and of interest to me. I know the money will come because I'll make it so, but I'm not fretting about it. In the meantime, many of my peers continue to have high-paying salaries, and yeah...I compare and get an attack of the green-eyed monster every now and then. But I'm digging what I'm doing, despite the low pay and low prestige.

On Oct 19th 2007 at 7 pm, my partner and I took in a 9-month old little boy who entered the local social services system in crisis. Suddenly...we're fathers. Talk about life-changing. What I quickly realized and what other (like mhd, and Myor) have already said, is that your kids are probably the most important thing. I get excited to leave work and pick him up from day care. I love the weekends and extended playtimes. Seeing and helping him grow and develop is an experience like no other. I find it hard to imagine or remember life without him. We have no idea right now if we'll be able to adopt him or not (we are definitely hoping to), but for now, all we can do is enjoy every possible moment with him. Any moment may be the last.

The challenge has been to figure out how to be a good provider (food, shelter, clothing, etc.) and be a good father. I think a lot of people get caught up in the former thinking that they are doing the latter.

Maybe, as someone suggested, the key (or one of the keys) is to find happiness or at least contentment in the provider role in the hopes that your affect...your presentation...your attitude...your whateveryouwanttocallit impacts and influences your family in a positive way. I deal with the sad and miserable practically all day and there's no doubt that the way they feel affects the other family members and how they deal with the other family members.

Anyways...blah blah blah.

I think the fact that you are thinking about your happiness, your success, and what it means for you and your family is a great thing.

That is a wonderful thing you are doing.. I hope you are successful in adopting him. Good Luck..

[mhd]

I have no words of wisdom and I'd probably tell you to ignore them anyways. I'm probably considered one of those slackers by many.

But...I'll relate my own experience.

In Aug '06 I officially changed careers. I was doing very well in IT as a Director and am now making less than half my last IT salary as a social worker/psychotherapist in a community psych unit. I was bored to tears with the IT work and wanted to do something new, different, and of interest to me. I know the money will come because I'll make it so, but I'm not fretting about it. In the meantime, many of my peers continue to have high-paying salaries, and yeah...I compare and get an attack of the green-eyed monster every now and then. But I'm digging what I'm doing, despite the low pay and low prestige.

On Oct 19th 2007 at 7 pm, my partner and I took in a 9-month old little boy who entered the local social services system in crisis. Suddenly...we're fathers. Talk about life-changing. What I quickly realized and what other (like mhd, and Myor) have already said, is that your kids are probably the most important thing. I get excited to leave work and pick him up from day care. I love the weekends and extended playtimes. Seeing and helping him grow and develop is an experience like no other. I find it hard to imagine or remember life without him. We have no idea right now if we'll be able to adopt him or not (we are definitely hoping to), but for now, all we can do is enjoy every possible moment with him. Any moment may be the last.

The challenge has been to figure out how to be a good provider (food, shelter, clothing, etc.) and be a good father. I think a lot of people get caught up in the former thinking that they are doing the latter.

Maybe, as someone suggested, the key (or one of the keys) is to find happiness or at least contentment in the provider role in the hopes that your affect...your presentation...your attitude...your whateveryouwanttocallit impacts and influences your family in a positive way. I deal with the sad and miserable practically all day and there's no doubt that the way they feel affects the other family members and how they deal with the other family members.

Anyways...blah blah blah.

I think the fact that you are thinking about your happiness, your success, and what it means for you and your family is a great thing.

d, very happy for you, and proud of you, family is the only true wealth, i'm certain that you will be allowed to continue parenting your son. much respect!

[Ish]

I have no words of wisdom and I'd probably tell you to ignore them anyways. I'm probably considered one of those slackers by many.

But...I'll relate my own experience.

In Aug '06 I officially changed careers. I was doing very well in IT as a Director and am now making less than half my last IT salary as a social worker/psychotherapist in a community psych unit. I was bored to tears with the IT work and wanted to do something new, different, and of interest to me. I know the money will come because I'll make it so, but I'm not fretting about it. In the meantime, many of my peers continue to have high-paying salaries, and yeah...I compare and get an attack of the green-eyed monster every now and then. But I'm digging what I'm doing, despite the low pay and low prestige.

On Oct 19th 2007 at 7 pm, my partner and I took in a 9-month old little boy who entered the local social services system in crisis. Suddenly...we're fathers. Talk about life-changing. What I quickly realized and what other (like mhd, and Myor) have already said, is that your kids are probably the most important thing. I get excited to leave work and pick him up from day care. I love the weekends and extended playtimes. Seeing and helping him grow and develop is an experience like no other. I find it hard to imagine or remember life without him. We have no idea right now if we'll be able to adopt him or not (we are definitely hoping to), but for now, all we can do is enjoy every possible moment with him. Any moment may be the last.

The challenge has been to figure out how to be a good provider (food, shelter, clothing, etc.) and be a good father. I think a lot of people get caught up in the former thinking that they are doing the latter.

Maybe, as someone suggested, the key (or one of the keys) is to find happiness or at least contentment in the provider role in the hopes that your affect...your presentation...your attitude...your whateveryouwanttocallit impacts and influences your family in a positive way. I deal with the sad and miserable practically all day and there's no doubt that the way they feel affects the other family members and how they deal with the other family members.

Anyways...blah blah blah.

I think the fact that you are thinking about your happiness, your success, and what it means for you and your family is a great thing.

Wow, never knew this about you D, thats awesome. I am an IT manager myself, and in the process of transition to potentially doing Microfinance program management type work, international development. I dont have a PMP but have managed projects for 3 years now so...

:thumbsup:

[mhd]

yo ish, that sounds cool as shit

[Nege]

What's amazing is..I look at you and I feel like I am slacking! Now the cold weather will put you in a depressing fog. But in a couple of months, it will be springtime again.
Usually other people can see your prgression but your usually so caught up in what you are doing...that you don't see it yourself....just take a little break.....and don't think about it for a while...

[DaveR]

I was gonna type a book, but then figured this was a start - posted this here on the page about 5x now over the years ... I hope this helps :respent:

__________________________________________________ ___________

Ten Steps for Making a Major Life Change

As human beings, were creatures of habit. No wonder making a major life
change is so hard! But it can be done. Follow these steps to get your
change in motion, one easy step at a time:

1. Identify the price of maintaining the status quo. Not making the change
you know you need to make is costing you. Do some soul searching; consult
with trusted allies, or journal to yourself to uncover the payoffs youre
receiving, and the prices youre paying for maintaining the status quo.
When you get that the price of not making the change is greater than the
payoff, you'll be more committed to moving forward.

2. Create a reserve of everything. We dont always have to make a
difficult change from where we are nöw. If we have issues with monëy,
time, space, emotional support, skills, etc., make a plan nöw to get more
than you need in these areas, creating a stronger foundation from which to
launch in your new direction. Keep in mind that its better to be
over-prepared and arrive at your destination than to fail because you were
just a hair short of having what you needed to get there.

3. Forgive self-judgments. Guilt is rampant in our culture. So is the
vendetta against selfishness. Suffering is supported and nurtured by
friends, family, religions, etc. So its not surprising that many of us,
deep down, dont feel we deserve to have what we want. For example, maybe
you feel youre not good enough or deserving of the life you really want.
Or maybe you feel that the change youre about to make will hurt someone
close to you. Or you may feel that youre not smart enough, resourceful
enough, bold enough, or just plain "enough" to make this change.
Acknowledge these judgments, then forgive yourself for holding these false
perceptions about who you really are. Because the truth is, they are only
ideas, many of which are irrational, and you will create yourself each
moment based on the new idea you hold about who you are.

4. Stop complaining. Are you complaining about being in the situation
youre in? Are you blaming others? Or have you accepted full
responsibility for your situation and just beat yourself up for not making
the change? If any of the above are true, you are playing the victim and
youre forfeiting your power to make the change you say you want. Even if
youre blaming yourself for not being happy or for not having the courage
to make the change, then part of you is beating up on another part of
yourself, hence theres a victim in there somewhere. To the degree you
play the role of victim, you losë power you could be using to move
forward. So get behind yourself completely and own your full power to
create the life you desire, no matter what.

5. Give up analysis that breeds paralysis. We are so conditioned to figure
things out before we leap, that sometimes we become paralyzed to take the
actions our bodies are directed to take from the beginning. This is
particularly true if youre an engineer, scientist, or other type of
technical person who experiences the world more through analysis than
through feeling. If youre stuck in a thinking pattern rehashing the same
ideas over and over, trying to figure out what will happen, then youre
stuck in a mind-loop. Its time to quit thinking and start doing. Feel in
your body what it wants to do, then just do it! The information youre
seeking may only be available after you take action anyway. Wisdom often
comes from experience, not from analysis.

6. Develop a compelling vision. Leaving a longstanding relationship or a
long-time career can be very frightening. This is because if what we have
is all we see, then to give it up means well have nothing left. This is a
terrible illusion. New opportunities, relationships, resources,
connections, and ideas always rush in to fill space in our lives. But
first, you have to make the space for something new, and second, create a
clear vision of what your life will look like once your change is
complete. The vision of your new future eliminates the fear of the
unknown--which can keep you stuck for a long time! Your vision will förm
the matrix on which you will create your new life and give you the
inspiration and courage you need to move on.

7. Risk failure. Does your fear of failing keep you stuck? If so, define
what failure looks like to you. Imagine the worst possible thing
happening. Can you live with that? Can you make course corrections before
it happens or after it happens? The answer is almost always "yes." So,
please, do yourself a favor, remove the word "failure" from your
vocabulary. Realize that each action simply yields a result--one you want
or one you dont want. Use this as feedback from the universe and take the
next logical step. From this perspective, mistakes are just indications of
a course correction and not to be taken personally. Pilots are checking
their compass all the time and making course corrections based on this
feedback. Theyd nevër get anywhere if they took every off-course reading
as a personal failure. Give up the concept of failure and take flight!

8. Recruit your inner warrior. Within each of us there is an instinctual
aspect built for bold, decisive action. It looks out, not only for our
survival, but also for our souls mission. It sends messages in the förm
of feelings in your body. They may come as "gut" feelings, or just a sense
of "knowing" that has no rational foundation. If youre facing a difficult
change, and have "contemplated" yourself into a corner, it may be time to
let your inner warrior take over for a while. Just act "as if" you "know"
what to do, then do it without thinking about it until after its done.

9. Get support to help you through the change. Big life changes can be
overwhelming. Theres no shame in asking for help from friends, relatives,
or from a coach. In fact, enough of the right kind of support can make a
seemingly difficult change, relatively easy. For me, being a former
lone-ranger, asking for and accepting help from others was difficult at
first, but really nice once I got used to it. Nöw I wouldn't think of
starting a major project or making a big change without relying on my
support system of close and loving friends, and my coach. Do whatever is
necessary to make change easy on yourself. Youre worth it!

10. Dont go to your deathbed wondering what would have happened if....
It's easy for us to forget how short our lives really are. Many of us live
as if well nevër die. We waste away our hours and days working jobs we
hate, living just for the weekends, or "putting in time" until retirement,
living most of our lives like zombies. We may live in a relationship that
is draining and disempowering thinking it might magically get better
somehow, someday. We deny our feelings or make excuses for frittering our
lives away. This is insane. Stop it nöw! Our lives are so precious and so
short. I challenge you to project yourself forward to your death. Its
real and its coming for you! See yourself on your deathbed and ask
yourself if the life youre living nöw is all you dreamt it to be. Write
your own obituary today. How close are you to living your passion? Let
this vision be a motivator to get off your butt and follow your dreams!

:beerchug:

[darrow]

Thanks MYOR, mhd and Ish.

And Ish, the microfinance work is interesting. My partner did that for a while at the Fed level. You looking to get a government job or work for a non-governmental organization?

[jimmymack-2000]

I have no words of wisdom and I'd probably tell you to ignore them anyways. I'm probably considered one of those slackers by many.

But...I'll relate my own experience.

In Aug '06 I officially changed careers. I was doing very well in IT as a Director and am now making less than half my last IT salary as a social worker/psychotherapist in a community psych unit. I was bored to tears with the IT work and wanted to do something new, different, and of interest to me. I know the money will come because I'll make it so, but I'm not fretting about it. In the meantime, many of my peers continue to have high-paying salaries, and yeah...I compare and get an attack of the green-eyed monster every now and then. But I'm digging what I'm doing, despite the low pay and low prestige.

On Oct 19th 2007 at 7 pm, my partner and I took in a 9-month old little boy who entered the local social services system in crisis. Suddenly...we're fathers. Talk about life-changing. What I quickly realized and what other (like mhd, and Myor) have already said, is that your kids are probably the most important thing. I get excited to leave work and pick him up from day care. I love the weekends and extended playtimes. Seeing and helping him grow and develop is an experience like no other. I find it hard to imagine or remember life without him. We have no idea right now if we'll be able to adopt him or not (we are definitely hoping to), but for now, all we can do is enjoy every possible moment with him. Any moment may be the last.

The challenge has been to figure out how to be a good provider (food, shelter, clothing, etc.) and be a good father. I think a lot of people get caught up in the former thinking that they are doing the latter.

Maybe, as someone suggested, the key (or one of the keys) is to find happiness or at least contentment in the provider role in the hopes that your affect...your presentation...your attitude...your whateveryouwanttocallit impacts and influences your family in a positive way. I deal with the sad and miserable practically all day and there's no doubt that the way they feel affects the other family members and how they deal with the other family members.

Anyways...blah blah blah.

I think the fact that you are thinking about your happiness, your success, and what it means for you and your family is a great thing.

Bless you for sharing this, and I hope you get what your heart desires. It sounds like that little boy couldn't hope for a better home.

[Ish]

yo ish, that sounds cool as shit

Yeah, it really is amazing what some organizations have accomplished with small loans where they are needed. I really didn;t know anything about it untill a friend of mine went to Peru last year to work with some artisans there on a Microfinance project. She is helping them write business plans, securing small loans of $25 and such (sounds like nothing but is all they need) and the coolest thing about it is that the repayment rates these third world entrepenurs have is outstanding, much higher than your average 1st world bank, becuase these people are workers through and through, they mean what they say and say what they mean.

Nonetheless, not going to paint only the pretty part of the picture, Microfinance has been around for a long time and only recently has gained a lot of press after Mohhamad Yunnus won the Nobel prize for his work in Bangladesh doing Microfinance.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Muhammad_Yunus

Because there are so many MF organizations out there, there are naturally many of them that do not run themselves well, much the same as anywhere in the non-profit world.

But yeah, I have been researching this world for a minute, talking to others working in it, its not lucrative, but the experience working with other cultures, and the potential to have ground up business dev planning and execution experience under my belt really sets me up for just about anything back on the home front...

[Phyllis Hyman Cherry]

You are right, I <i>am</i> in pity party mode right now. It's a very new feeling for me, because normally when things aren't going my way, or I've fucked something up, I get angry at myself, grit my teeth, and put shoulder to the wheel until I've fixed things to my satisfaction.

But right now it just feels like I'm living to work, and although I'm making more money than I ever have (which still isn't a hell of a lot - communications/project managing doesn't pay too lucratively), I feel sad. I work a bit on weekends too (mostly Sunday night, to get a jump on the week ahead), and I seem to spend a lot of time on Saturday/Sunday doing the unpaid work I've neglected all week - laundry, groceries, cleaning, etc.

I have to think there's more to life than this.


Jimmy its because you are not doing what you are supposed to do.That is one of the great mysteries of life finding out your niche.I have come to believe that everyone is born with a plan,it has nothing to do with religion.It is from the universe.Equating it to winter blues is pure foolishness,i would imagine you have had these feelings in the summertime as well.You have to be thankful,there are people in this world that dont even have a piece of fruit to eat and a shanty to live in.No one wants to hear your complaining and im not like the rest i dont sugarcoat.People have their own problems to deal with,life is not about holding hands and skipping as the posts in this thread makes it seem.Dave R actually had the most honest and real post with his sets of rules.I have been where you are to the point of thinking about ending it all,so trust i been there.If you have to go back to school go back partime,if you want to dj work on being a cut above the rest,I know you can do it!