BHouse
06-19-2008, 03:12 AM
Ok... I get invited to a Bachelor party by a buddy of mine... On a Wednesday night...? Fuck it. He tells me its going to be off the chain. Three strippers. Tells me I betta have a lot of singles handy. He also tells me to wear blue and white... I'm thinking to myself, "Why I gotta wear something blue and white?" Fuck it. The guy that's getting married I have met a couple of times, but really don't know him that well. Seems like a cool guy. Always with a fione woman every time I see him. So I'm thinking this is just what I need since I recently broke up with my girlfriend and been going thru some self reflection... So my buddy comes by and picks me up... We get there and I see other guys that I have talked to or seen at some House parties around Chicago.
Food laid out. Chicken, ribs, spaghetti, catfish. The whole nine. People eating. Drinks flowing. Everyone drunk feeling good. The bachelor gets everyone attention. He thanks everyone for coming out on his last night of being a single man and wants everyone to have good time. He tells everyone that he hopes they enjoy the entertainment as much as he plans to. So we all laugh. Toast him. Glasses clinking together. The music starts. Everyone reaches into their wallets and pockets and pull out stacks of singles... My money is limited but fuck it, I am going to give these big booty chicks all my damn money tonight. I am single again, right...? Fuck it...
The lights go off. The door opens to the bed room and a big burly muthafucka comes out and tells everyone not to touch the strippers... Everyone is cool. Not that type of crowd from what I can tell. No thugs. No wanna be rappers... So after he makes that clear the music starts. So he goes thru his routine introducing the strippers...
BURLY GUY: Come on out "SEXUAL CHOCOLATE..."
The door opens and I kid you not...
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A MUTHAFUCKIN', MUSCLE BOUND MAN steps out in this tight, smedium Chicago Fire Department uniform... WTF. I choked on my buffalo, chicken wing ding... The big burly guy was the MC... Talking about how Sexual Chocolate can put any fire out.. My little spark was extinguished the moment he walked out of the room. Now I am thinking about it my face looked like one of those damn Little Rascals pix we were posting the other day...
http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g122/mark_blagrove/Buckwheat-Magnet-C11750430.jpg
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/e/e5/When-the-wind-blows-our-gang.jpg
http://i26.tinypic.com/2a69szm.jpg
Again, WTF... Couldn't someone warn a brotha... Huh...? Is that too much to ask...? Really... I tried to hide my face while trying to get out of the room...
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/0/0e/Spanky-teachersbeau.jpg
By time I make it to the door, another male stripper joins him, but this one is wearing a Chicago Police uniform... Come to find out the Bachelor is a police officer and that's why everyone is dressed in blue and white. I been tricked. Hoodwinked. Lead the fuck astray. I am in total disbelief. Dude is gay. Fuck, my buddy is gay. I see these guys puttin' dollars in this mofo's gun holster. Wait. That ain't a gun and that damn sho ain't no holster... WTF.
Then a chick comes out the room. She is wearing a nurses uniform. Attractive. Volumptous. Biggest ass I seen not in a magazine. She joins in. Now it's two men and this woman... Suckin'... Fuckin'... I seen balls go in holes Tiger Woods couldn't hit... Dude is bi-sexual...
Finally, we leave... I'm disgusted, but I saved my money... Shit, I'm not paying for that I was looking to see some ass... Female ass. I'm frustrated... Just broke up with my girl and now this shit... So I get home and my dog is beggin' to be walked...
I take him out. Normally, I walk him around the block and bring him back in because he has a bad leg, but tonight we walking... I need to think. I am getting old. Just broke up with my girl. Car broke down. Money limited. Hell, I'm a handsome fella. I am depressed. So we walking.... Before I knew it I think I walked a good 10 miles... Looked back and was I draggin' my poor dog down the street. His bum leg gave out... I know he wanted to go back home... Finally his ass just gave up... Wouldn't move... Can you image me carryin' a big ass dog down a busy ass street at 3am...? This shit is really depressing... I'm going to bed. Goodnight.
P.S - Before anyone ask what kind a dog I got... I got a G*D Damn Cocker Spaniel. :lach:
Food laid out. Chicken, ribs, spaghetti, catfish. The whole nine. People eating. Drinks flowing. Everyone drunk feeling good. The bachelor gets everyone attention. He thanks everyone for coming out on his last night of being a single man and wants everyone to have good time. He tells everyone that he hopes they enjoy the entertainment as much as he plans to. So we all laugh. Toast him. Glasses clinking together. The music starts. Everyone reaches into their wallets and pockets and pull out stacks of singles... My money is limited but fuck it, I am going to give these big booty chicks all my damn money tonight. I am single again, right...? Fuck it...
The lights go off. The door opens to the bed room and a big burly muthafucka comes out and tells everyone not to touch the strippers... Everyone is cool. Not that type of crowd from what I can tell. No thugs. No wanna be rappers... So after he makes that clear the music starts. So he goes thru his routine introducing the strippers...
BURLY GUY: Come on out "SEXUAL CHOCOLATE..."
The door opens and I kid you not...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
A MUTHAFUCKIN', MUSCLE BOUND MAN steps out in this tight, smedium Chicago Fire Department uniform... WTF. I choked on my buffalo, chicken wing ding... The big burly guy was the MC... Talking about how Sexual Chocolate can put any fire out.. My little spark was extinguished the moment he walked out of the room. Now I am thinking about it my face looked like one of those damn Little Rascals pix we were posting the other day...
http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g122/mark_blagrove/Buckwheat-Magnet-C11750430.jpg
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/e/e5/When-the-wind-blows-our-gang.jpg
http://i26.tinypic.com/2a69szm.jpg
Again, WTF... Couldn't someone warn a brotha... Huh...? Is that too much to ask...? Really... I tried to hide my face while trying to get out of the room...
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/0/0e/Spanky-teachersbeau.jpg
By time I make it to the door, another male stripper joins him, but this one is wearing a Chicago Police uniform... Come to find out the Bachelor is a police officer and that's why everyone is dressed in blue and white. I been tricked. Hoodwinked. Lead the fuck astray. I am in total disbelief. Dude is gay. Fuck, my buddy is gay. I see these guys puttin' dollars in this mofo's gun holster. Wait. That ain't a gun and that damn sho ain't no holster... WTF.
Then a chick comes out the room. She is wearing a nurses uniform. Attractive. Volumptous. Biggest ass I seen not in a magazine. She joins in. Now it's two men and this woman... Suckin'... Fuckin'... I seen balls go in holes Tiger Woods couldn't hit... Dude is bi-sexual...
Finally, we leave... I'm disgusted, but I saved my money... Shit, I'm not paying for that I was looking to see some ass... Female ass. I'm frustrated... Just broke up with my girl and now this shit... So I get home and my dog is beggin' to be walked...
I take him out. Normally, I walk him around the block and bring him back in because he has a bad leg, but tonight we walking... I need to think. I am getting old. Just broke up with my girl. Car broke down. Money limited. Hell, I'm a handsome fella. I am depressed. So we walking.... Before I knew it I think I walked a good 10 miles... Looked back and was I draggin' my poor dog down the street. His bum leg gave out... I know he wanted to go back home... Finally his ass just gave up... Wouldn't move... Can you image me carryin' a big ass dog down a busy ass street at 3am...? This shit is really depressing... I'm going to bed. Goodnight.
P.S - Before anyone ask what kind a dog I got... I got a G*D Damn Cocker Spaniel. :lach: