Say a prayer for me...

[DJ George Bates]

whats going on all ?

i'm almost scared to talk about this for fear of looking like a sympathy sponge or something but my wife of 3 ( almost 4 years ) moved out of our apartment today....

said Mrs. feels as if I've taken her for granted ... i did quite often.

she feels as if she came second to my music ...she never did .

She feels that I have been a selfish asshole ...quite often i was.

I really love this woman and feel an emptiness that because of my nature , i can't convey to her ....things are really svrewed up over here yall....

i don't know why i'm putting this out there but i am....

if you do have someone that you care about... don't take them for granted...

it's hell when they're not around... graemlins/mecry.gif

[alex zen]

sorry to hear it. graemlins/bighug.gif

[imported_Gman]

What do you plan to do to fix the situation ?

[JMJ]

Whoa!! I'm really sorry to hear about this, George. I hope you can do whatever is needed to get things right with your wife. She's a lovely lady. Please PM me or call if you need to talk, or if I can help in any way......JMJ :(

[DJ George Bates]

G-

To remedy the situation , I'm going to try and give her the time she has requested...Also, I'm taking a pretty hard look @ me and the person that i am...

i am a stubborn,selfish,self centered ass sometimes and i need to really work on hearing her more...

it's like I hear the words but they don't sink inwhen we're talking sometimes...i don't know...

i'm not giving up on her tho...

[BHouse]

I understand your pain... Do WHATEVER to get you wife back... WHATEVER!!!!!!! I lost my soulmate recently. And it literally kills me to even speak to her because our once deep, meaningful conversations are gone. Now if it does not concern our kids we have nothing to speak about. I miss my dance partner. Man, you never know what you have til you loose it. It has only been a day and you already feel the pain. Imagine if days, turn to weeks, months and years. Get it together. If she says your music comes first, take a steps away from the turntables. No attention, take her away for the weekend or a vacation. You understand what I am getting it... I wish all the best. I don't want anyone to feel my pain.... GOOD LUCK...

[ September 15, 2003, 10:15 PM: Message edited by: BHouse ]

[the crackhouse]

Georges,
the same shit happened to me a month ago.5 years together, 4 married, 2 kids...
WHATEVER !
Never stop to love her and don't get too nervous. 4 years realy means something into anyone's life. Don't let her go too far from you. I'm not calling for harrassment, but do know that no one will be able to help you, to understand you, and you'll be only facing other people's fears and personnal loving problems if you start to talk about yours.
Be close to her, but let her take the breath she needs now. But be always there.

Just count on yourself and if your love for this woman is true, don't let her go !

Be carfeul of people who are (or have been) living the same thing : don't do some crying singles discussion nights, you'll never get anything out of that.

Take your destiny in your own hands and be the man she wanted. Nothing but time can erase some bad past. Be gentle, listen to her, speak to her, write her some letters, don't send her flowers : YOU give them to her in person, get her to the restaurant for a talk, assume in front of her that you've been an asshole for this and that (DO NOT attack her in any ways !)but stay proud and explain why you're sorry and that it wasn't really you, and don't go into a pathetic life now, this is not the good way !
Be careful not to be too much in the big passionated talking at the beginning, it would stress her, don't do like you'll give her the moon (she needs to be in a sweet life, she's separated from you too), don't make promises, act and don't talk too much, action speaks louder than youknowhat.

Cry when you're alone, get some medication from your doc if you need to stress down, stop any alcohol, drug, or whatever makes you loose control : keep your head f***ing clean to be at your top physical and brain condition.

Do a lot of sport to bring you back some balance and apetite, sleep well, concentrate on what you need, her, a good life and read about romantic books, movies, songs, not sad ones, to get ideas to seduce her : take the shiny aspect of love and be always there for her. Always keep the dialog (talk?) possible, don't go into verbal fights and just be sorry, you can understand her.

A french proverb says it's better to be a source of envy than compassion (pity ?) if you wanna be loved. Stay strong and don't let anybody ruin your needs to get back with your lady : whatever people can tell you, do never believe them, just believe in you.

And don't get on your knees in front of her, keep your dignity and what you need is a simple thing : You need to cry in eachothers arms to feel that you want to erase this bad feeling and get back to a brighter future.

If she left yesterday, believe me, you're lucky, the closest is the separation, the more chances you have to get back with her. When time pass, she will taste too much of the world and will not be pleased to see you come back, cause you'll be full of bad memories.
Don't let time hit you harder, and face the situation like if it's normal events, and clear the shitty problem my friend !

Don't go down, it's not what will make you nor her get happy !

Your feelings are strong, let them be your power, and you will suffer a lot so don't fall in easy ways : TV, no food, pathos, remembering the good old days, feeling like you're a piece of shit, you'll get mad.

And damn' if you can beat this challenge, you'll win 10 years of secured couple life, and if you don't beat it you'll feel that anyway you tried hard and are now convinced that she was right to end your couple.

Be carefull and give her attention, believe me, it can be hard, but if she made the decision to leave, it's only because she really believed in you and what you could have bring in her life. A woman who's quiting a relationship in such a way is a passionated woman, you sure have great feeling and ambition to show her, go on my man, and don't let anybody tell you BS, you're the one !

Oh. Almost forgot.
If she's having an affair with someone else, don't get mad, just be a gentleman and a clear and strong man. Don't forget that you have 4 years of her life in your hands. You know her better than anyone, and maybe those other bastards have the luck of having a brand new face and wonderful new things to bring her, but you know how to touch her in the right place, how to to recumfort her, and you can read some of her thoughts, so these bastards wil only be easy meat for you. You're still the one she would prefer in her lifetime, you don't erase 4 years in one night.
Most women need to be in a dream love story, and have a man who can be the pillar for their life ambitions, be a strong, solid man. Someone she knows she can always count on.

Nothing is lost, it's just a bad week, a bad month or a bad year, but no one must know so don't show anything of your mood, just show her that your only loss is her, but that it's the only thing that you miss in life. She'll be touched that you can face problems in any ways.

And again, don't forget to see your doc for some cool medication if you can't face all the stress and suffering you encounter. Definitly not a bad thing when you need some rest and have a clear mind.
Do what's got to be done ! Never abandon, you'll get out stronger of this whatever be the ending.

Which of course will be fine for both of you. HEY !!! graemlins/thumbsup.gif

[the crackhouse]

Georges, and evrybody else here, I'll clear up my post in saying that don't believe what people can tell you when it HURTS you.
Don't believe the people that says you it's normal, that shit happens, that this generation is full of divorcing couples.
Yep, maybe it will be your future but you don't need to believe this shit before you're absolutly sure that it was a real, definitive separation.
Of course friends are here, but you can't always be with your friends and no ones know how deep your love was and is, so be careful and leave the people that will make you sad, will they be willing it or not.
You're the only remedy, and just trust your heart and feelings. Turn any idea in YOUR way.

And love doesn't end quickly. You have to think a lot to how you can bring back some simple, easy, sweet talks with her. If you bring back some tenderness, it's an open gold door to love. Don't get mad, always be listenning and explain, explain, explain...

Nothing is lost right now. The worst thing is if you get into fights with her. If you can keep a friendly relationship, you will be able to tell her one day or the other that you miss her and that even if she was right, you were weak and selfish at that time, and it was not the best but the worse of you.

[DJ George Bates]

Idancetoomuch,

thank you.those words made me look at myself and added fuel to the thoughts of not letting go.

I talked with her last night and even tho she is still gone , we talked...and i listened.

thanx for the thoughts. i could see you put alot of yourself into those 2 post.

She told me the biggest thing is she feels as if i don't respect her and I'm selfish....

at least i know where her head is at...

[DJJM3.COM]

George-

My prayers are out to you. The key is compromise, communicate, and balance.......My suggestion is to set up 2 days a week.....a "family day(if you have kids)" and a day for her"spouse day".

There will be times you can't meet the days-but at least set set up a basic structure where time is alloted.

I been married 13 years-with 3 boys. I'm not saying my way is the right or the only way. But you can see a decent example of one option that can be taken. We can discuss further in private.

[Discogoddess]

George, peace and blessings on you and your family right now. I'm a witness; marriage is more than notion. Remember though, only the folk "going through" YOUR situation know best how to handle what will work for you both.

I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers.

graemlins/bighug.gif

['Magic' Juan]

Sorry to hear that, Mr Bates. Just give it some time and I promise things will change. Best of luck to you.

magic_juan

[DJJM3.COM]

Originally posted by Discogoddess:
George, peace and blessings on you and your family right now. I'm a witness; marriage is more than notion. Remember though, only the folk "going through" YOUR situation know best how to handle what will work for you both.

I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers.

graemlins/bighug.gif This is key here......I have been in his situation and witness to things can work out. I was 3 years in to my marraige, just had a set of twins, and got laid off my job.......

[Alanda Marquette from DiscoLadyLand]

George, I will keep you in prayer. Everything will work out, being a woman I know in order to get your husband's attention is to snatch the rug from under him. So now that she has your attention, appreciate her, love her and not just enough to get back in good graces. I can't judge your situation or you because it took me almost 10 years to understand the problems in my marriage wasn't soley my hubby's doing and couldn't blame him for my misery. I had to some serious issues and hang ups that needed to change. I had to love myself enough to love him unconditionally. It would be either that or stay a bitter person.

Anyway, I will definitely keep praying for you and your wife ;)

[Sensei Melei]

G,
If you want your wife back, do whatever it takes. We only get one life to live, so live it. Your happiness is what is at stake here. You recognize your faults and seem willing to address them. Communication is key. Let her know how/what you feel about the situation.

Been down this road recently, it's not pleasant, but it can be done. If you have Faith and are sincere, you will be lead on the right path.

[DJ George Bates]

thank you all...

she is actually talking to me ..which is a good thing...

She says she's not ready to come home yet because she feels I don't truly understand her points however, she wants us to work...

I'm going to keep working at it.....

[Ronnie Ron]

George,

I can dig what your goin through. its painful when someone walks away especially if you truly love them (Hope she comes back to you with good ententions to make it work between you both)

Good luck to you both!!! my prayers are with you.

R-R

[Fletch]

George, your in my prayers.

I know I shouldn't be asking this question because I am unmarried. But have the two of you ever sought a marriage counselor? Someone who could listen to the two of you (alone and together)? Just a thought. Peace.

[ September 16, 2003, 07:31 PM: Message edited by: einnod23 ]

[AD]

Originally posted by DJ George Bates:
whats going on all ?

i'm almost scared to talk about this for fear of looking like a sympathy sponge or something but my wife of 3 ( almost 4 years ) moved out of our apartment today....

said Mrs. feels as if I've taken her for granted ... i did quite often.

she feels as if she came second to my music ...she never did .

She feels that I have been a selfish asshole ...quite often i was.

I really love this woman and feel an emptiness that because of my nature , i can't convey to her ....things are really svrewed up over here yall....

i don't know why i'm putting this out there but i am....

if you do have someone that you care about... don't take them for granted...

it's hell when they're not around... graemlins/mecry.gif You're going through the same thing that I went through. :( I feel for you, man. Unfortunately, it's too late for me but your breakup is still fresh so you better swallow your pride and run back to her begging like a little boy for forgiveness cause it ain't fun when you're all alone. Take care, bro.

[Ronnie Ron]

Originally posted by Albert Diaz:
cause it ain't fun when you're all alone. Someone give this man a Beer graemlins/beerchug.gif and a shot of Cap'n Morgan Spice RUM graemlins/all_coholic.gif graemlins/thumbsup.gif

[ September 16, 2003, 08:34 PM: Message edited by: RonnieRon ]

[gabriel]

George et al,

i'm 25, not married, and may not know too much, but i can offer this. a book.

The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate - Gary Chapman ( LINK (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/1881273156/qid=1063764139/sr=8-3/ref=sr_8_3/102-3054430-4476909?v=glance&s=books&n=507846)) - the author breaks down the way people commnicate love to 5 basic love languages. if you seriously do some introspection, it's really a great book. my mom told me to read it for no reason other than my own wellbeing a few years ago.

hope that helps.

[the crackhouse]

Georges,
I think the better way for you to get back with her is to accept that she needs some peace of mind, that's why she's not coming home so quickly, and that's good IMO.
If you can still see eachothers while not living together, you can live the way you may have been at the beginning of your love relation. A good point cause you can re-start your love on new bases .

I think that you should tell her that if she feels that you don't understand what she really need/want from you, that's not bad, you just need to hear her more and you want to know it all.
The only important thing is not your present answers to what she wants, you have to understand and then you'll act in security for you two.

Just continue to tell her you wanna know and that you can't imagine your life without her. Tell her you want to know and that your ignorance is just due to the fact you don't know and want the best for her. That you are capable of efforts, not to become somenone else, but to live a couple life in harmony and knowing what the other wants.
By that I mean that it's time for you to talk about the future, hers, yours, and your couple's one too.

You should be here for her not in the passionated love today, but for the simple sweet thing that is : you're here for her, for fun, for humor, for sweet attentions, for the listenning ear, for confidence, but you should seduce her without asking her to come back.
You should let her see that you're still the same man she loved, and now that she's not living in the same home as you, that something is missing.

Be ready for the next kiss, but don't be asking, just be seducing. Let her see you as the man she fell in love for 4 years ago.
Then...... if you're coming back together, make some extra money and take a new home for a new life. If you can't, just sell some things and buy new chairs and tables for the living room, new posters, a new bed, paint the walls, whatever, but you two have to buil a new home. It's a symbolic act to say : "we've done it. Things ran bad, but we did it !"
Go to a jewellery shop and buy a ring, quicly, in gold, an ask the "jeweller(?)" to make you a gold ring, as thin as he can, 1 millimeter of gold around your finger. It cost 40 $ in France, I checked that this mornin so it should be cheaper in the US.
Then put this ring on your finger (the 4th beginning from the thump on your left hand) and if she asks, just tell her it's a symbol of your actual fragile love, and that when your love will be stronger enough, you'll have a real big ring.

Also, be sure she notice that you have an acanthus tatoo, or anything with a beautifull acanthus design on it (check google images to find some to be reproduced), or offer yourself an acanthus. It's the symbol of the glorious hero who went truth big troubles but never failed in front of fears, deceptions and other problems.
Don't explain her why it is that you wear that acanthus, but tell her that it's a symbol.
If she try to know by herslf, she'll know that you're taking this fragile love with the deepest interest.
Changes are to be done in every aspect of your loving life. She wanted a new life ?
YOU never thought this new life could be without you !

If she feels that you don't understand her... I'll admit I've been a stupid listenner and that my wife almost quitted being with me like 10 times. At the end she stayed, just because I never let her go, arguing that I wanted to know exactly and try, one more time to fullfil her wants and accomplish a real work over my atitude.

And today we are officialy separated for a month, we're still living in the same house, sleeping in the same bed, eating together, talking for hours, and kissing from time to time, even making love sometimes...
Strange thing ?
Well, she thought this time that it was the final separation. So she said to everyone that we were not a couple anymore. I said "ok!"
But now that she understood that I was not looking for a life without her, that she felt better with me than with any other man, and that this new life was not so easy, she can't afford to clear up what we're living to all her friends and family.

And that's kinda cool cause we're like new lovers.

Love can be easy or difficult, but never too hard, if it's real love.

Never fail Georges, be there for her, but don't go in craziness and anger : always keep it cool :"yeah baby, I understand you, I'll change things that don't work with me, and intensify what's good in me." graemlins/thumbsup.gif

Oh. One last thing.
my deep thought that resume all my post : Don't let her alone with her questions. YOU are the only one who can respond, don't let her do the questions AND the answers. Be part of it or she will get mad about you and you will not be able to come back on what you said or did.
Protect your neck !

[ September 17, 2003, 06:10 AM: Message edited by: idancetoomuch ]