Is Infidelity A Hanging Offense??? [Archive]

GrantB

07-12-2003, 11:27 PM

If it's important to you, they're cut off. Once it happens there's no going back.

Marriage boils down to a promise between two people, regardless of the promise being made in private or in the eyes of God/government. If they're feelin it, then they will stay together, and if they aren't ... well....

I've reevaluated my need for marriage and exclusive relationships. Marriage is pretty pointless to me, especially with cohabitation and parenting laws superceding marriage and my not having religious needs in that area.

Through my personal experiences, I've come to the conclusion that one can't bank on anyone elses loyalty, especially women.

flame on ladies.

Querck

07-12-2003, 11:59 PM

Originally posted by GrantB:
If it's important to you, they're cut off. Once it happens there's no going back.

Marriage boils down to a promise between two people, regardless of the promise being made in private or in the eyes of God/government. If they're feelin it, then they will stay together, and if they aren't ... well....

I've reevaluated my need for marriage and exclusive relationships. Marriage is pretty pointless to me, especially with cohabitation and parenting laws superceding marriage and my not having religious needs in that area.

Through my personal experiences, I've come to the conclusion that one can't bank on anyone elses loyalty, especially women.

flame on ladies. \

Oh yes, when it comes to male/female relationships, men are way more loyal than women. graemlins/jpshakehead.gif

DJJM3.COM

07-13-2003, 08:09 AM

I dont think so...... For some odd reason, a spouse(women more so than men) feels that if they cut you off (from sex), you are supposed to remain loyal. That is utterly rediculous to me......

Outside of having children(to carry on the family name) and getting a break on income taxes, there really is not much benefit to marriage in my opinion.....

When I really think about it, I am doing the same things I did when I was single... I just dont sex up more then one woman and its less often....

[ July 13, 2003, 09:10 AM: Message edited by: DJJM3 ]

Ronnie Ron

07-13-2003, 08:33 AM

Cheating = Loss of trust & respect in the relationship

Loss of trust = Why do i even have your crabby ass around.....

Some people can deal with a Cheating spouse, I couldnt and didnt.

My prediction at a 50% divorce rate now Marriage will be Obsolete in 50 years...

R-R

Discogoddess

07-13-2003, 08:39 AM

Originally posted by DJJM3:
... I just dont sex up more then one woman and its less often.... I always hear men say that they have sex much less often once they're married...I don't understand this, as this hasn't been my marriage experience at all! Other married women...care to chime in on this?

To answer the thread's question: it really depends on the situation...I think we could work through certain things, with a LOT of counseling and prayer. But honestly, I think if I were to cheat, my hubby would be much less likely to forgive and forget with me. I think a man has a harder time blocking out of his mind (to the point of forgiveness) the thought of his wife being with some other dude.

DJJM3.COM

07-13-2003, 08:49 AM

Originally posted by Discogoddess:
I always hear men say that they have sex much less often once they're married...I don't understand this, as this hasn't been my marriage experience at all! Other married women...care to chime in on this?
I'm sure your relationship is different-you two truly love each other and it depends on a few more factors-children, timing and what else is going on in your lives......

My biggest problem was I got married too young and too soon after getting my own apartment.....

Discogoddess

07-13-2003, 09:02 AM

Originally posted by DJJM3:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Discogoddess:
I always hear men say that they have sex much less often once they're married...I don't understand this, as this hasn't been my marriage experience at all! Other married women...care to chime in on this?
I'm sure your relationship is different-you two truly love each other and it depends on a few more factors-children, timing and what else is going on in your lives......

My biggest problem was I got married too young and too soon after getting my own apartment..... [/QUOTE]I hear you on the timing, etc., but I guess it also depends on how honest each party is with one another B4 and after marriage. If your sex life prior to marriage was the isht, than I don't understand (outside of the sheer exhaustion and responsibility of children) why folk get all funny-time about it after the vows. Were yall (the universal yall) being real about your expectations beforehand? Was the spouse who holds out on sex ever really enjoying it to begin with?

I think that sometimes, the physical intimacy part of marriage can be a glue of sorts...not that it supercedes open communication, honesty, love, etc., but it is certainly an expression of love and a form of communication. In other words, don't nobody mess with the lovin'...even if you're mad, tired or want to deck your spouse! :D I read somewhere once that you should argue either holding hands or naked...I'll take naked for $200 please, Alex! ;)

[ July 13, 2003, 10:04 AM: Message edited by: Discogoddess ]

DJJM3.COM

07-13-2003, 09:14 AM

Well we were college aged and changed as we got older.....that has alot to do with it......Its alot of factors.....Her not being a househead, I say, is the biggest issue.

Discogoddess

07-13-2003, 09:20 AM

Originally posted by DJJM3:
.....Her not being a househead, I say, is the biggest issue. I FEEL YOU on this! I know it might seem trite to some, but if your sig other can't feel the music that moves your soul, I think it's much harder to sustain the relationship...I had a boyfriend who was anti-house, and, along with him being an abusive, lazy azz, that killed it for me.

DJJM3.COM

07-13-2003, 09:32 AM

If it was popular she would be into it..that is how I met her DJing a party for one of her Longwood friends........When the scene died, her interest in the music died as well......and a part of me died when that happened.....

däp

07-13-2003, 09:42 AM

my thoughts.

initially, time should be granted for "cool-down" and "level-headed" evaluation/decision. I.e., don't make your move too soon. what are the facts? a few questions (not all inclusive):

- what were the circumstances surrounding the incident aside from the obvious? (this is indicative of a larger problem.)
- was it an isolated incident?
- what's the current state of the marriage? (this could just be the nail in the coffin.)

this is the ultimate in disrespect (in marriage) on many levels and one needs to be prepared for the consequences. not going to be too judgemental.

And

07-13-2003, 09:46 AM

Originally posted by DJJM3:
If it was popular she would be into it..that is how I met her DJing a party for one of her Longwood friends........When the scene died, her interest in the music died as well......and a part of me died when that happened..... It seems you've always known this about her ... Did you think she would be different with you? Or did you only realize much later?

Dolemite73

07-13-2003, 09:55 AM

For 8 long years I put up with a unfaithful wife. I rationalized it by saying "no matter what she is doing, someone has to be here to raise these kids". They were all very young and I felt they needed thier daddy. It really sucked going through that though. I left her trifling ass 2 and a half years ago, and it was the best decision of my life. NO ONE should have to go through the stress, the hurt and the pain of infidelity. She had gotten pregnant by different men. She was giving my money to these men. And worse of all, I once contracted a sexually transmitted disease from here once.

The way I see it, once a cheater, always a cheater. GET OUT!!!

SMOOTH87

07-13-2003, 09:55 AM

Originally posted by DJJM3:
If it was popular she would be into it..that is how I met her DJing a party for one of her Longwood friends........When the scene died, her interest in the music died as well......and a part of me died when that happened..... I am not married but I feel that people who go along with the crowd (I.E. Popular) says a lot about that person. Everyone will not like everthing you like but in a relationship there is usually some common ground on major things each partner likes...

DJJM3.COM

07-13-2003, 10:32 AM

Originally posted by 6 23:
It seems you've always known this about her ... Did you think she would be different with you? Or did you only realize much later? I have been married 14 years........I didnt consider it a issue at the time.

I figured having a family would give me focus( I had stopped DJing Professionally (turned to a hobby then-I let my contracts expire)...but it did the opposite.....I can say she never cheated on me....(either that or she is very discreet)

[ July 13, 2003, 11:50 AM: Message edited by: DJJM3 ]

nev m

07-13-2003, 11:59 AM

Originally posted by JMNYC:
Depends on if they lied about it, IMO. If they told the truth and are genuinely repentant, and if they promise never to do it again, then I would give a SINGLE second chance. Maybe.

If they lied about it, they're toast. If you lie to me, even if it's supposedly to spare my feelings, why am I married to you? Probably best to just can it IMO. The doubts installed in your mind by the incident won't go away. This is almost sure to result in more heartache, and doubt.

If someone wants to be with you they should be faithfull whether married, or not.Commitment between two people is a very beautiful thing. If one party doesn't want it then it should be ended immediately. It's the worse kind of pain to put someone through.

Sensei Melei

07-13-2003, 12:16 PM

I have until 12midnight to decide. Keep the opinions coming...

And

07-13-2003, 12:31 PM

Originally posted by DJJM3:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by 6 23:
It seems you've always known this about her ... Did you think she would be different with you? Or did you only realize much later? I have been married 14 years........I didnt consider it a issue at the time.

I figured having a family would give me focus( I had stopped DJing Professionally (turned to a hobby then-I let my contracts expire)...but it did the opposite.....I can say she never cheated on me....(either that or she is very discreet) [/QUOTE]:( Sorry to read this ... Haven't had a relationship last anywhere near 14 years so I have no concept of what it is to share that long and intimate a history with someone. I think I actively avoid relationships just so I don't have to ever deal with trust and intimacy issues. graemlins/conf44.gif
-

And

07-13-2003, 12:34 PM

Originally posted by nev m:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by JMNYC:
Depends on if they lied about it, IMO. If they told the truth and are genuinely repentant, and if they promise never to do it again, then I would give a SINGLE second chance. Maybe.

If they lied about it, they're toast. If you lie to me, even if it's supposedly to spare my feelings, why am I married to you? Probably best to just can it IMO. The doubts installed in your mind by the incident won't go away. This is almost sure to result in more heartache, and doubt.

If someone wants to be with you they should be faithfull whether married, or not.Commitment between two people is a very beautiful thing. If one party doesn't want it then it should be ended immediately. It's the worse kind of pain to put someone through. [/QUOTE]I agree ...

Dolemite73

07-13-2003, 12:35 PM

Originally posted by Sensei Melei-1010:
I have until 12midnight to decide. Keep the opinions coming... Follow your heart bruh.

Ronnie Ron

07-13-2003, 01:09 PM

I stayed home for three months trying to work it out within myself and within my heart, I was not able to get passed it and i left. It aint easy good luck hope you make the right decision for yourself.

R-R

DJJM3.COM

07-13-2003, 01:11 PM

Originally posted by 6 23:
:( Sorry to read this ... Haven't had a relationship last anywhere near 14 years so I have no concept of what it is to share that long and intimate a history with someone. I think I actively avoid relationships just so I don't have to ever deal with trust and intimacy issues. graemlins/conf44.gif
-It's really not a matter of not trusting her in my case.....Im not saying that I cheat on her either with another woman -only my music.....I used the signature "Music is my mistress I cheated on every woman I dated even my wife with it" that was the inspiration.

JMJ

07-13-2003, 01:39 PM

Originally posted by Sensei Melei-1010:
I have until 12midnight to decide. Keep the opinions coming... Dump her cheatin' ass, Greg! If she can do it once, she'll do it again. Marriage is definitely overrated, and becoming close to obsolete. If the divorce rate is 60% (which it is), that means that 6 out of 10 marriages end in divorce. Are the other 4 happy?? Not likely. Maybe two in ten is happily married? Some people stay married because they have kids, but kids aren't stupid. They can tell when their parents don't get along. Is it worth plodding through life unhappy?? Men and women love each other (or at least think they do) but generally don't LIKE each other, and that's the problem. There is very little benefit to marriage for men. 60% of all men are losing half (or more) of what they've earned. Their fate is being decided by lawyers and judges. Is this something to look forward to?? Why is it that two people have to put a label on their relationship?? Can't you be committed to being with someone without marrying them? There's too many insecure people tying the knot these days, and doing it for the wrong reasons. Men and women's expectations of marriage are totally different, and men have little or no control over the outcome. So why do it?? I love women, but marriage?? WHY?? Good luck with your decision....JMJ

[ July 13, 2003, 02:41 PM: Message edited by: JMJ ]

JMJ

07-13-2003, 01:44 PM

Originally posted by Dolemite73:
And worse of all, I once contracted a sexually transmitted disease from here once. I've heard about computer viruses, but STD's on DHP?? Please place a jimmy over your keyboard. Thanks.....JMJ ;)

mhd

07-13-2003, 02:00 PM

personally, i don't think its a hanging offense, because you can't control other people's decisions or actions. further, there are degrees of cheating, Dolemite's situation was extreme and foul, falling in love is also extreme and intolerable, one time isolated incident though is not a deal breaker, just another issue or problem to resolve, continuous incidents are more of a problem.
at the end of the day you got to balance what you have worked for and how valuable it is to you. some would say that accepting infidelity is a sign of low self-esteem, but sometimes its just sex

housebe4titties

07-13-2003, 02:03 PM

if you do find someone you feel connected to as a lifelong partner then good for you. but i really don't think that we're meant to be with one person 'till death do us part.' i just think its unnatural. graemlins/conf44.gif

and we need to stop putting into little girls heads that they're going to grow up and meet the man of their dreams. the shit just ain't true.

i'm never getting married. the whole idea just doesn't seem appealing to me. there's a lot more ways of showing yourself and the world how much you love another person other than getting married.

Dolemite73

07-13-2003, 02:26 PM

Originally posted by JMJ:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Dolemite73:
And worse of all, I once contracted a sexually transmitted disease from here once. I've heard about computer viruses, but STD's on DHP?? Please place a jimmy over your keyboard. Thanks.....JMJ ;) [/QUOTE]icon_rofl.gif You know what I meant! Her, man Her!!!

Ronnie Ron

07-13-2003, 02:30 PM

Originally posted by casscade:
if you do find someone you feel connected to as a lifelong partner then good for you. but i really don't think that we're meant to be with one person 'till death do us part.' i just think its unnatural. graemlins/conf44.gif

and we need to stop putting into little girls heads that they're going to grow up and meet the man of their dreams. the shit just ain't true.

i'm never getting married. the whole idea just doesn't seem appealing to me. there's a lot more ways of showing yourself and the world how much you love another person other than getting married. Thats a very interesting observation.

DOTSmusic

07-13-2003, 02:48 PM

housebe4titties

07-13-2003, 03:37 PM

Originally posted by RonnieRon:
Thats a very interesting observation. how so?

i have more extreme reasons as well. but its all good, people think i'm a bit strange for it too.
"whats WRONG with you? you don't want to give birth or get married??? what kind of person ARE you???"
:rolleyes:

Ronnie Ron

07-13-2003, 03:55 PM

Originally posted by casscade:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by RonnieRon:
Thats a very interesting observation. how so?

i have more extreme reasons as well. but its all good, people think i'm a bit strange for it too.
"whats WRONG with you? you don't want to give birth or get married??? what kind of person ARE you???"
:rolleyes: [/QUOTE]Actually i happen to agree with you your observation. Thought it was pretty interesting because i am pretty close to thinking the same way now. smile.gif

däp

07-13-2003, 03:59 PM

Originally posted by Sensei Melei-1010:
I have until 12midnight to decide. Keep the opinions coming... g, is this about you? i hope not.

DJJM3.COM

07-13-2003, 04:35 PM

To be honest its hard to really make a decision on your situation. I have issues with being cut off for reasons "x", but not being cheated on.
I cant give a rational answer not knowing the woman that well.

You are upright good brother and from our very brief conversations seem on the up and up.

I would look at the situation this way.... Knowing what you know now........
1) If you was at work and got a call and someone informed you that your wife was shot, or in a bad car accident, or raped and in critical condition, would you leave to be by her side?

If you answered yes, you still at least care about her. At this point try to talk it out. Sounds easier then it is, but try to find out what is going on.
If that does not work try counseling, maybe a unbiased referee would help.....

I hope that helps...............

housebe4titties

07-13-2003, 04:38 PM

cool...guess i'm not so strange then!

DJJM3.COM

07-13-2003, 04:41 PM

Originally posted by mhd:
personally, i don't think its a hanging offense, because you can't control other people's decisions or actions. further, there are degrees of cheating, Dolemite's situation was extreme and foul, falling in love is also extreme and intolerable, one time isolated incident though is not a deal breaker, just another issue or problem to resolve, continuous incidents are more of a problem.
at the end of the day you got to balance what you have worked for and how valuable it is to you. some would say that accepting infidelity is a sign of low self-esteem, but sometimes its just sex 95% of the time its just sex......or lack there of(from spouse)....

jillbee

07-13-2003, 05:36 PM

I'm not married but ultimately I think the message you should follow is to respect yourself. That means different things to everyone. You can only settle for a standard in life that perpetuates self respect. If that means working it out or breaking it off - just remember that's what you chose at the time out of self respect and stand by that choice.

good luck and peace

SPG

07-13-2003, 05:50 PM

Originally posted by t o r i n:
my thoughts.

initially, time should be granted for "cool-down" and "level-headed" evaluation/decision. I.e., don't make your move too soon. what are the facts? a few questions (not all inclusive):

this is the ultimate in disrespect (in marriage) on many levels and one needs to be prepared for the consequences. not going to be too judgemental. G, I think Torin is on the mark here. Take a cool down before making any decisions.

I'm not gonna go into the pros and cons of marriage because I don't think you need that right now.

Trust has been broken and you need to decide whether you can work through this (over time not before 12am tonight).

You may need to separate to figure out where the marriage stands. Third party help might be an avenue to explore:

- how the marriage (person) got to this state?
- what do you both want out of this marriage?
- can this marriage be saved?
- do you really want to be in this marriage?

I don't think any of us here can give you a complete answer to this issue. You ultimately have to decide if this is something worth working through or possibly moving on.

Hope this helps (even a little)

SPG

SPG

07-13-2003, 05:54 PM

Originally posted by mhd:
further, there are degrees of cheating, Dolemite's situation was extreme and foul, falling in love is also extreme and intolerable, one time isolated incident though is not a deal breaker, just another issue or problem to resolve, continuous incidents are more of a problem.
Cheating is cheating. You either cheated or you didn't. That's like saying there are degrees of stealing. FOUL!

SPG

DJJM3.COM

07-13-2003, 06:13 PM

Originally posted by SPG:
G, I think Torin is on the mark here. Take a cool down before making any decisions.

I'm not gonna go into the pros and cons of marriage because I don't think you need that right now.

Trust has been broken and you need to decide whether you can work through this (over time not before 12am tonight).

You may need to separate to figure out where the marriage stands. Third party help might be an avenue to explore:

- how the marriage (person) got to this state?
- what do you both want out of this marriage?
- can this marriage be saved?
- do you really want to be in this marriage?

I don't think any of us here can give you a complete answer to this issue. You ultimately have to decide if this is something worth working through or possibly moving on.

Hope this helps (even a little)

SPG Damn, that sounds familiar........

JoeB

07-13-2003, 06:19 PM

Originally posted by DJJM3:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by mhd:
personally, i don't think its a hanging offense, because you can't control other people's decisions or actions. further, there are degrees of cheating, Dolemite's situation was extreme and foul, falling in love is also extreme and intolerable, one time isolated incident though is not a deal breaker, just another issue or problem to resolve, continuous incidents are more of a problem.
at the end of the day you got to balance what you have worked for and how valuable it is to you. some would say that accepting infidelity is a sign of low self-esteem, but sometimes its just sex 95% of the time its just sex......or lack there of(from spouse).... [/QUOTE]did you happen to catch the cover story from newsweek on this? pretty interesting on the dynamics of a marriage after kids come into play with hectic work schedules and other factors.

here is the link, if you missed it. i think i asked a question in another thread about sex, or lack of it, and marriage but it must have been overlooked.

oh, here's the link: http://www.msnbc.com/news/928868.asp .

SPG

07-13-2003, 06:24 PM

Originally posted by DJJM3:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by SPG:
G, I think Torin is on the mark here. Take a cool down before making any decisions.

I'm not gonna go into the pros and cons of marriage because I don't think you need that right now.

Trust has been broken and you need to decide whether you can work through this (over time not before 12am tonight).

You may need to separate to figure out where the marriage stands. Third party help might be an avenue to explore:

- how the marriage (person) got to this state?
- what do you both want out of this marriage?
- can this marriage be saved?
- do you really want to be in this marriage?

I don't think any of us here can give you a complete answer to this issue. You ultimately have to decide if this is something worth working through or possibly moving on.

Hope this helps (even a little)

SPG Damn, that sounds familiar........ [/QUOTE]Explain...

SPG

DJJM3.COM

07-13-2003, 06:39 PM

Originally posted by SPG:
Explain...

SPG Sounds slightly simular to what I said in my last post ....thats all....self explanitory.....

[ July 13, 2003, 07:44 PM: Message edited by: DJJM3 ]

DJJM3.COM

07-13-2003, 06:43 PM

Originally posted by JoeB:
did you happen to catch the cover story from newsweek on this? pretty interesting on the dynamics of a marriage after kids come into play with hectic work schedules and other factors.

here is the link, if you missed it. i think i asked a question in another thread about sex, or lack of it, and marriage but it must have been overlooked.

oh, here's the link: http://www.msnbc.com/news/928868.asp . [/QB]I mentioned that in a earlier post(my 2nd one)... Children, timing, and everything else in our lives....

[ July 13, 2003, 07:45 PM: Message edited by: DJJM3 ]

Tony Cano

07-13-2003, 06:48 PM

never having been married, and not knowing these folks situation, it would be very difficult for anyone to give some solid advice.

i would say that it would be un-wise to give yourself a midnight deadline to make up your mind.
my advice would be that if you really care for this person, then it makes sense for the two of you to go seek some help from a professional. however, if you've sense things going bad for a while and in your heart you kind of been having regrets, then this is your chance to get out.

with the spouse not being a house head, this whole "for the love of music" may seem like a bunch of mumbo jumbo. she may think you are out playing the field.

tc

DJJM3.COM

07-13-2003, 07:05 PM

Originally posted by Tony Cano:

with the spouse not being a house head, this whole "for the love of music" may seem like a bunch of mumbo jumbo. she may think you are out playing the field.

tc I'm sure that is not it. She knows I DJ(I was DJ before we started dating) and I dont go out to parties as much as I used to unless I am working them.

JMJ

07-13-2003, 07:25 PM

Originally posted by DJJM3:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Tony Cano:

with the spouse not being a house head, this whole "for the love of music" may seem like a bunch of mumbo jumbo. she may think you are out playing the field.

tc I'm sure that is not it. She knows I DJ(I was DJ before we started dating) and I dont go out to parties as much as I used to unless I am working them. [/QUOTE]We know......JMJ

JoeB

07-13-2003, 07:42 PM

Originally posted by DJJM3:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by JoeB:
did you happen to catch the cover story from newsweek on this? pretty interesting on the dynamics of a marriage after kids come into play with hectic work schedules and other factors.

here is the link, if you missed it. i think i asked a question in another thread about sex, or lack of it, and marriage but it must have been overlooked.

oh, here's the link: http://www.msnbc.com/news/928868.asp . I mentioned that in a earlier post(my 2nd one)... Children, timing, and everything else in our lives.... [/QB][/QUOTE]yeah, i noticed that and you also mentioned the lack of it(sex) probably leading to cheating and i was reminded of the article i read about the state of marriage today in america. just wanted to share.

SPG

07-13-2003, 07:45 PM

Originally posted by DJJM3:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by SPG:
Explain...

SPG Sounds slightly simular to what I said in my last post ....thats all....self explanitory..... [/QUOTE]Was actually moved to posting something after what Torin said earlier. Didn't see yours.

Sorry for the detour. Let's get back to the post.

SPG

däp

07-13-2003, 08:04 PM

Originally posted by SPG:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by DJJM3:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by SPG:
Explain...

SPG Sounds slightly simular to what I said in my last post ....thats all....self explanitory..... [/QUOTE]Was actually moved to posting something after what Torin said earlier. Didn't see yours.

Sorry for the detour. Let's get back to the post.

SPG [/QUOTE]i actually didn't see anything spg wrote that was similar. however, this is about greg's question/situation. no need to retort.

JMJ

07-13-2003, 08:06 PM

Originally posted by SPG:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by DJJM3:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by SPG:
Explain...

SPG Sounds slightly simular to what I said in my last post ....thats all....self explanitory..... [/QUOTE]Was actually moved to posting something after what Torin said earlier. Didn't see yours.

Sorry for the detour. Let's get back to the post.

SPG [/QUOTE]Not so fast. JM3 may want to argue a bit more......JMJ

däp

07-13-2003, 08:07 PM

Originally posted by JMJ:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Sensei Melei-1010:
I have until 12midnight to decide. Keep the opinions coming... Dump her cheatin' ass, Greg! [/QUOTE]dump her cheating ass. really? remember, you are possibly talking about the man's wife.

i'm out. again, i truly hope this situation is not about you G. peace.

Tony Cano

07-13-2003, 08:20 PM

JMJ

07-13-2003, 08:21 PM

Originally posted by t o r i n:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by JMJ:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Sensei Melei-1010:
I have until 12midnight to decide. Keep the opinions coming... Dump her cheatin' ass, Greg! [/QUOTE]dump her cheating ass. really? remember, you are possibly talking about the man's wife.

i'm out. again, i truly hope this situation is not about you G. peace. [/QUOTE]If it is his wife, so what?? You cheat, you gotta go! Girlfriend, wife, sister (for those of you in Kentucky), cheating is cheating. Furthermore, I didn't start the topic, nor did I set a midnight deadline, so if someone is going to put all that out there, expect all kinds of responses. Infidelity certainly isn't easy to talk about, especially if it's happening to you.....JMJ

[ July 13, 2003, 09:23 PM: Message edited by: JMJ ]

DJ George Bates

07-13-2003, 08:36 PM

That's a tough one....I'd really want o work thru it because even tho i can be a self absorbed asshole sometimes..... I love the air my wife breathes....

i hope that whatever choice you make it's the right one for you...

däp

07-13-2003, 08:45 PM

Originally posted by JMJ:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by t o r i n:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by JMJ:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Sensei Melei-1010:
I have until 12midnight to decide. Keep the opinions coming... Dump her cheatin' ass, Greg! [/QUOTE]dump her cheating ass. really? remember, you are possibly talking about the man's wife.

i'm out. again, i truly hope this situation is not about you G. peace. [/QUOTE]If it is his wife, so what?? You cheat, you gotta go! Girlfriend, wife, sister (for those of you in Kentucky), cheating is cheating. Furthermore, I didn't start the topic, nor did I set a midnight deadline, so if someone is going to put all that out there, expect all kinds of responses. Infidelity certainly isn't easy to talk about, especially if it's happening to you.....JMJ [/QUOTE]while i hear and respect your perspective, the way it is conveyed is a bit insensitive. but that's cool too. my point in saying "i hope this isn't about you" is this. i don't wish this type of thing on anyone and particularly hope it's not happening to a friend. out, for real.

oh, the other thing is should they work things out, you'll be remembered as having said "dump her cheating ass!"

[ July 13, 2003, 09:51 PM: Message edited by: t o r i n ]

JMNYC

07-13-2003, 08:50 PM

JMJ, not that I necessarily disagree with you, but we ARE all human, and ALL humans make mistakes.

If you got fired for every mistake you made at a job, or if you broke up with every partner you ever had that made a mistake you considered "serious", then you'd surely be alone (and probably unemployed) ;) .

All I'm sayin - and I might very well say QUIT IT depending on the circumstances - is that you have a lot more to consider than just a blow to your ego. How important is the relationship? Is it worth trying to salvage or not? Was there dishonesty, cruel intentions, etc.? Is it a symptom of something much deeper? There are no cut-and-dry answers on this one, believe me.

mhd

07-13-2003, 08:54 PM

Originally posted by SPG:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by mhd:
further, there are degrees of cheating, Dolemite's situation was extreme and foul, falling in love is also extreme and intolerable, one time isolated incident though is not a deal breaker, just another issue or problem to resolve, continuous incidents are more of a problem.
Cheating is cheating. You either cheated or you didn't. That's like saying there are degrees of stealing. FOUL!

SPG [/QUOTE]agreed, i'm just saying some instances may be easier to deal with than others, some folks have zero tolerance, i don't, i am too flawed to have zero tolerance for anything

JMJ

07-13-2003, 08:55 PM

Originally posted by t o r i n:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by JMJ:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by t o r i n:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by JMJ:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Sensei Melei-1010:
I have until 12midnight to decide. Keep the opinions coming... Dump her cheatin' ass, Greg! [/QUOTE]dump her cheating ass. really? remember, you are possibly talking about the man's wife.

i'm out. again, i truly hope this situation is not about you G. peace. [/QUOTE]If it is his wife, so what?? You cheat, you gotta go! Girlfriend, wife, sister (for those of you in Kentucky), cheating is cheating. Furthermore, I didn't start the topic, nor did I set a midnight deadline, so if someone is going to put all that out there, expect all kinds of responses. Infidelity certainly isn't easy to talk about, especially if it's happening to you.....JMJ [/QUOTE]while i hear and respect your perspective, the way it is conveyed is a bit insensitive. but that's cool too. my point in saying "i hope this isn't about you" is this. i don't wish this type of thing on anyone and particularly hope it's not happening to a friend. out, for real. [/QUOTE]Torin - I understand what your saying, but is there anything sensitive about cheating?? Was the cheater being sensitive of their significant other's feelings? I don't wish this on anyone either, but unfortunately it happens. If you dump her, she takes half. If you keep her, she may do it again. It's an issue of trust and respect, and I have none for cheaters.

You Can't Have Your Cake And Eat It Too - Brenda Taylor.......JMJ

JMJ

07-13-2003, 09:02 PM

Originally posted by t o r i n:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by JMJ:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by t o r i n:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by JMJ:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Sensei Melei-1010:
I have until 12midnight to decide. Keep the opinions coming... Dump her cheatin' ass, Greg! [/QUOTE]dump her cheating ass. really? remember, you are possibly talking about the man's wife.

i'm out. again, i truly hope this situation is not about you G. peace. [/QUOTE]If it is his wife, so what?? You cheat, you gotta go! Girlfriend, wife, sister (for those of you in Kentucky), cheating is cheating. Furthermore, I didn't start the topic, nor did I set a midnight deadline, so if someone is going to put all that out there, expect all kinds of responses. Infidelity certainly isn't easy to talk about, especially if it's happening to you.....JMJ [/QUOTE]while i hear and respect your perspective, the way it is conveyed is a bit insensitive. but that's cool too. my point in saying "i hope this isn't about you" is this. i don't wish this type of thing on anyone and particularly hope it's not happening to a friend. out, for real.

oh, the other thing is should they work things out, you'll be remembered as having said "dump her cheating ass!" [/QUOTE]I responded before your edit. To be remembered as saying "Dump her cheating ass!" is fine with me. It's my opinion, and I'm not backing off. Relationships should incorporate trust and respect, and cheating violates both. Some may be able to forgive, but who's going to forget??.....JMJ

Tee Cee 13

07-13-2003, 09:06 PM

This is not a easy subject bro, but I have to go with what most said to do... And that's go with what your Heart tells you to do... There are a lot of issues here to deal with.. You and only you will have to deal with the reprecussions..

There's the 14 years invested in this relationship, thats a factor.. Also it seems to me that you really don't want to end this on a sour note... Do you bro...

Chill and stay safe....

and always remember,

LOVE SAVES THE DAY... If nothing eles....

[ July 13, 2003, 10:08 PM: Message edited by: T.C. 13 ]

JMJ

07-13-2003, 09:09 PM

Originally posted by JMNYC:
JMJ, not that I necessarily disagree with you, but we ARE all human, and ALL humans make mistakes.

If you got fired for every mistake you made at a job, or if you broke up with every partner you ever had that made a mistake you considered "serious", then you'd surely be alone (and probably unemployed) ;) .

All I'm sayin - and I might very well say QUIT IT depending on the circumstances - is that you have a lot more to consider than just a blow to your ego. How important is the relationship? Is it worth trying to salvage or not? Was there dishonesty, cruel intentions, etc.? Is it a symptom of something much deeper? There are no cut-and-dry answers on this one, believe me. How important is the relationship to the cheater?? Important enough to get naked and bump uglies with someone else, apparently. Important enough to not be able to talk open and honestly with her mate. Communication is the key, and most people have no idea how to do it anymore.......JMJ

mdpm99

07-14-2003, 12:49 AM

SANTA ANA, Calif. (July 12) - The former supervisor of a Newport Beach youth program was sentenced Friday to life in prison on 25 counts of lewd conduct and assault for sucking the toes of 20 boys.

Trenton Veches, 32, will be eligible for parole in 15 years.

At his trial, Veches' lawyer said his actions with boys 6 to 10 years old were ``horseplay.'' But the prosecutor said Veches ``clearly befriended these children, manipulated them and he sexually molested them.''

Veches' mother, Joyce Ormes, said the sentence was too harsh.

``I don't know how he can spend life in prison for this when there was no sexual contact with the genitals, things like that,'' she said.

``Clearly Mr. Veches posed a danger to the children of our community and he needed to be in prison,'' prosecutor Sheila Hanson said.

Veches was arrested in April 2002 after a co-worker reported seeing him sucking a boy's toes.

07/11/03 23:37 EDT

JMNYC

07-14-2003, 01:12 AM

Originally posted by JMJ:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by JMNYC:
JMJ, not that I necessarily disagree with you, but we ARE all human, and ALL humans make mistakes.

If you got fired for every mistake you made at a job, or if you broke up with every partner you ever had that made a mistake you considered "serious", then you'd surely be alone (and probably unemployed) ;) .

All I'm sayin - and I might very well say QUIT IT depending on the circumstances - is that you have a lot more to consider than just a blow to your ego. How important is the relationship? Is it worth trying to salvage or not? Was there dishonesty, cruel intentions, etc.? Is it a symptom of something much deeper? There are no cut-and-dry answers on this one, believe me. How important is the relationship to the cheater?? Important enough to get naked and bump uglies with someone else, apparently. Important enough to not be able to talk open and honestly with her mate. Communication is the key, and most people have no idea how to do it anymore.......JMJ [/QUOTE]I understand your point - and I am not saying that cheaters should just "get away with it", but I also know people who've stayed together after something like this who say that it made their relationship stronger, more communicative and more honest. It may take time to heal, but sometimes you've got to let go of your ego and "look inside yourself". Cheating is usually just a symptom of deeper issues, and being in a meaningful relationship CAN be about working through those issues with your partner.

"A spiritual partnership is a relationship between equals for the purpose of spiritual growth" (Zukav) - these types of events can bring about more spiritual growth than a lifetime of "I love you"'s.

Either way, I wish the best of luck to whomever is facing this type of dilemma - it's not fun.

The hardest life lessons are usually the ones that teach us the most.

the 18th letter

07-14-2003, 01:55 AM

Originally posted by david mancuso:
SANTA ANA, Calif. (July 12) - The former supervisor of a Newport Beach youth program was sentenced Friday to life in prison on 25 counts of lewd conduct and assault for sucking the toes of 20 boys.

Trenton Veches, 32, will be eligible for parole in 15 years.

At his trial, Veches' lawyer said his actions with boys 6 to 10 years old were ``horseplay.'' But the prosecutor said Veches ``clearly befriended these children, manipulated them and he sexually molested them.''

Veches' mother, Joyce Ormes, said the sentence was too harsh.

``I don't know how he can spend life in prison for this when there was no sexual contact with the genitals, things like that,'' she said.

``Clearly Mr. Veches posed a danger to the children of our community and he needed to be in prison,'' prosecutor Sheila Hanson said.

Veches was arrested in April 2002 after a co-worker reported seeing him sucking a boy's toes.

07/11/03 23:37 EDT So is this the result of leaving a cheating spouse or a cheating spouse being left.

the 18th letter

07-14-2003, 01:57 AM

Originally posted by JMNYC:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by JMJ:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by JMNYC:
JMJ, not that I necessarily disagree with you, but we ARE all human, and ALL humans make mistakes.

If you got fired for every mistake you made at a job, or if you broke up with every partner you ever had that made a mistake you considered "serious", then you'd surely be alone (and probably unemployed) ;) .

All I'm sayin - and I might very well say QUIT IT depending on the circumstances - is that you have a lot more to consider than just a blow to your ego. How important is the relationship? Is it worth trying to salvage or not? Was there dishonesty, cruel intentions, etc.? Is it a symptom of something much deeper? There are no cut-and-dry answers on this one, believe me. How important is the relationship to the cheater?? Important enough to get naked and bump uglies with someone else, apparently. Important enough to not be able to talk open and honestly with her mate. Communication is the key, and most people have no idea how to do it anymore.......JMJ [/QUOTE]I understand your point - and I am not saying that cheaters should just "get away with it", but I also know people who've stayed together after something like this who say that it made their relationship stronger, more communicative and more honest. It may take time to heal, but sometimes you've got to let go of your ego and "look inside yourself". Cheating is usually just a symptom of deeper issues, and being in a meaningful relationship CAN be about working through those issues with your partner.

"A spiritual partnership is a relationship between equals for the purpose of spiritual growth" (Zukav) - these types of events can bring about more spiritual growth than a lifetime of "I love you"'s.

Either way, I wish the best of luck to whomever is facing this type of dilemma - it's not fun.

The hardest life lessons are usually the ones that teach us the most. [/QUOTE]Or you could wind up being a toe freak biggrinangel.gif !

DJJM3.COM

07-14-2003, 02:41 AM

Originally posted by JoeB:
yeah, i noticed that and you also mentioned the lack of it(sex) probably leading to cheating and i was reminded of the article i read about the state of marriage today in america. just wanted to share. Very good article...........thanks

DJJM3.COM

07-14-2003, 02:50 AM

Originally posted by t o r i n:
i actually didn't see anything spg wrote that was similar. however, this is about greg's question/situation. no need to retort. She saw it, she acknowledged it, mission accomplished........
Giving Greg the same view point or opinion doesnt help him.........

illiciumverum

07-14-2003, 02:57 AM

some people say:

if your partner cheats once it's their fault, if it happens again it's yours.

that said, i do think assessment depends on the individual circumstance.

[ July 14, 2003, 03:58 AM: Message edited by: staranise ]

Sensei Melei

07-14-2003, 07:20 AM

Midnight has come and gone...

I have not yet decided what I am going to do just yet. Fidelity is something I hold very close because I saw the pain my mother endured when my father left. He went on to do great things while we (my sister, mother & I) grew up in a basement apartment.

The wife & I talked about it most of the day Sunday. She expressed her feelings towards me and about what happened. Was it a moment of indescretion, the pursuit of some fantasy, or a genuine desire to be with someone else? Only she knows the answer to that. Could be one or all of these I don't know. Right now my heart is heavy with sorrow at the fact that who I thought was my soulmate may not be in love with me or want to be married to me anymore. :(

Yeah I could say to hell with it and leave her, but would that be right? The Bible says adultery is not a cause for divorce (Mathew 5:28-32?) that I should try to work it out and be forgiving. But what am I trying to work out? A loveless marriage? What's the reward in that? I want what everybody else wants, someone who loves me, someone I can love in return, and share life's experiences with. I put it in GOD's hands now. If it is meant to be then He will make a way for it.

I've read all of your posts and I thank you for your input. You guys keep it real and don't pull any punches. There was really no one (peer) I could talk to but you guys. I don't know where this will end up, but whatever GOD has in store for me I am willing to accept. I don't think He would put anything on me I couldn't handle.

"That which does not kill us makes us stronger..."

Searching For Peace,
The Sensei Melei

Jamie 3:26

07-14-2003, 07:23 AM

Damn brother.I am sorry to hear about what you are going thru.I hope everything works out for the better.I do not really know what to tell you,because I have never been in a situation like yours.All I can offer is support brother.

If there's anything ya need bruh,ya know where I am at.Peace,J.

JR JAM

07-14-2003, 07:30 AM

Originally posted by Sensei Melei-1010:
Midnight has come and gone...

I have not yet decided what I am going to do just yet. Fidelity is something I hold very close because I saw the pain my mother endured when my father left. He went on to do great things while we (my sister, mother & I) grew up in a basement apartment.

The wife & I talked about it most of the day Sunday. She expressed her feelings towards me and about what happened. Was it a moment of indescretion, the pursuit of some fantasy, or a genuine desire to be with someone else? Only she knows the answer to that. Could be one or all of these I don't know. Right now my heart is heavy with sorrow at the fact that who I thought was my soulmate may not be in love with me or want to be married to me anymore. :(

Yeah I could say to hell with it and leave her, but would that be right? The Bible says adultery is not a cause for divorce (Mathew 5:28-32?) that I should try to work it out and be forgiving. But what am I trying to work out? A loveless marriage? What's the reward in that? I want what everybody else wants, someone who loves me, someone I can love in return, and share life's experiences with. I put it in GOD's hands now. If it is meant to be then He will make a way for it.

I've read all of your posts and I thank you for your input. You guys keep it real and don't pull any punches. There was really no one (peer) I could talk to but you guys. I don't know where this will end up, but whatever GOD has in store for me I am willing to accept. I don't think He would put anything on me I couldn't handle.

"That which does not kill us makes us stronger..."

Searching For Peace,
The Sensei Melei Good for you Greg! This is the by far the best response to this post. Because the only one that can help you is the Lord.

DJJM3.COM

07-14-2003, 07:45 AM

Originally posted by Sensei Melei-1010:
Midnight has come and gone...

I have not yet decided what I am going to do just yet. Fidelity is something I hold very close because I saw the pain my mother endured when my father left. He went on to do great things while we (my sister, mother & I) grew up in a basement apartment.

The wife & I talked about it most of the day Sunday. She expressed her feelings towards me and about what happened. Was it a moment of indescretion, the pursuit of some fantasy, or a genuine desire to be with someone else? Only she knows the answer to that. Could be one or all of these I don't know. Right now my heart is heavy with sorrow at the fact that who I thought was my soulmate may not be in love with me or want to be married to me anymore. :(

Yeah I could say to hell with it and leave her, but would that be right? The Bible says adultery is not a cause for divorce (Mathew 5:28-32?) that I should try to work it out and be forgiving. But what am I trying to work out? A loveless marriage? What's the reward in that? I want what everybody else wants, someone who loves me, someone I can love in return, and share life's experiences with. I put it in GOD's hands now. If it is meant to be then He will make a way for it.

I've read all of your posts and I thank you for your input. You guys keep it real and don't pull any punches. There was really no one (peer) I could talk to but you guys. I don't know where this will end up, but whatever GOD has in store for me I am willing to accept. I don't think He would put anything on me I couldn't handle.

"That which does not kill us makes us stronger..."

Searching For Peace,
The Sensei Melei Im glad you came to that conclusion. I didnt include God in it, for I didnt know your attitude toward Him. But i'm glad you and your wife talked about it...that is the true key......

One thing Someone forgot to mention, is that God works thru US or man. His presense is not up front as it was in the Bible. Our trials and tribulations often dilute his message, but he made your brain smart enough to sift thru it.

After all, we are made in His Image......

darrow

07-14-2003, 08:23 AM

Wow. This was a real heavy thread...enlightening, thought provoking, sad, and hopeful all rolled into one. Sensei Melei-1010, thank you for sharing something so personal.

JoeB

07-14-2003, 08:35 AM

Originally posted by darrow:
Wow. This was a real heavy thread...enlightening, thought provoking, sad, and hopeful all rolled into one. Sensei Melei-1010, thank you for sharing something so personal. exactly what he said. could not have said it better myself and i wish you the best with this, sensei melei-1010.

Discogoddess

07-14-2003, 08:41 AM

@Greg: Man, I am so very sorry to hear that you are going through this...esp. since we just had a convo about that touched on these kinds of issues. You both are in my prayers, for real. graemlins/bighug.gif

Tony Cano

07-14-2003, 09:50 AM

Greg - i'm very sorry to hear you are going through this. not much we can say to ease your pain. Be strong and follow your heart. we are here for you if you need us.

tc

däp

07-14-2003, 09:56 AM

damn bruh. i know you will "see it through".

"after you've done all you can, you just stand..."

And

07-14-2003, 10:47 AM

Originally posted by Sensei Melei-1010:
Midnight has come and gone...

I have not yet decided what I am going to do just yet. Fidelity is something I hold very close because I saw the pain my mother endured when my father left. He went on to do great things while we (my sister, mother & I) grew up in a basement apartment.

The wife & I talked about it most of the day Sunday. She expressed her feelings towards me and about what happened. Was it a moment of indescretion, the pursuit of some fantasy, or a genuine desire to be with someone else? Only she knows the answer to that. Could be one or all of these I don't know. Right now my heart is heavy with sorrow at the fact that who I thought was my soulmate may not be in love with me or want to be married to me anymore. :(

Yeah I could say to hell with it and leave her, but would that be right? The Bible says adultery is not a cause for divorce (Mathew 5:28-32?) that I should try to work it out and be forgiving. But what am I trying to work out? A loveless marriage? What's the reward in that? I want what everybody else wants, someone who loves me, someone I can love in return, and share life's experiences with. I put it in GOD's hands now. If it is meant to be then He will make a way for it.

I've read all of your posts and I thank you for your input. You guys keep it real and don't pull any punches. There was really no one (peer) I could talk to but you guys. I don't know where this will end up, but whatever GOD has in store for me I am willing to accept. I don't think He would put anything on me I couldn't handle.

"That which does not kill us makes us stronger..."

Searching For Peace,
The Sensei Melei :(
I truly wish you the best outcome in this matter.

Moksha

07-14-2003, 10:59 AM

IMO—love is love, and sex is sex. They are separate things that often tend to get too intertwined. If 2 people love each other, and will always love each other, than nothing else should matter. Real love can conquer arguments, infidelities, and anything else. And....one of the most powerful, and beautiful, aspects of love is its tolerance and forgiveness.

my 2 cents

Bande-A-Part_NYC

07-14-2003, 11:08 AM

Jamie 3:26

07-14-2003, 11:12 AM

Originally posted by Orion : Konbit:
IMO—love is love, and sex is sex. They are separate things that often tend to get too intertwined. If 2 people love each other, and will always love each other, than nothing else should matter. Real love can conquer arguments, infidelities, and anything else. And....one of the most powerful, and beautiful, aspects of love is its tolerance and forgiveness.

my 2 cents While you may have your opinions,if you are not married,you could not really totally relate to this situation.Yeah,Itt's easy to say"Dump him/her" yet,when you are involved in a marriage,it's something else.

Like I've stated before,this issue is not easy,because it deals with trust.Gaining someone's trust again after you have opened your whole self to them,and they break it,is not an easy task.

MusicFilter

07-14-2003, 11:24 AM

Jamie 3:26

07-14-2003, 11:26 AM

Originally posted by chgodj3:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Discogoddess:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by DJJM3:
... I just dont sex up more then one woman and its less often.... I always hear men say that they have sex much less often once they're married...I don't understand this, as this hasn't been my marriage experience at all! Other married women...care to chime in on this?

To answer the thread's question: it really depends on the situation...I think we could work through certain things, with a LOT of counseling and prayer. But honestly, I think if I were to cheat, my hubby would be much less likely to forgive and forget with me. I think a man has a harder time blocking out of his mind (to the point of forgiveness) the thought of his wife being with some other dude. [/QUOTE]Good you haven't put your husband on Pu**y punishment. When I was married I experienced this at times. If she was mad at me I'd get the "don't touch me treatment". I am told by my cheatin' friends that's why they cheat. [/QUOTE]Yeah,well what makes a woman cheat?

TAC

07-14-2003, 11:29 AM

My two cents.

Whatever you do not "separate" before the two of you come to a complete understanding of how each of you arrived at the position that your both now in, if even for yourself. After you've done that, then you'll be in a better position to decide whether you want to continue or go your separate ways. This way, you won't repeat the same behavior in subsequent relationships.

All those who are not married need to sit back and let grown married folk talk. This is some, deep, deep do-do that my man is in.

Peace
TAC

Tony Cano

07-14-2003, 11:29 AM

folks - let's give this a rest. i am sure this is very difficult situation to deal with. out of respect, let it go.

tc

Discogoddess

07-14-2003, 11:30 AM

Originally posted by chgodj3:
Good you haven't put your husband on Pu**y punishment. When I was married I experienced this at times. If she was mad at me I'd get the "don't touch me treatment". I am told by my cheatin' friends that's why they cheat. That's bull isht(cheating bcuz of being on sex punishment)! If people experience lack of sex, loss of affection or diminished romance in their marriages, they need to address it within the marriage or separate and deal with the issues like that. As we know either from our own experiences or through observing other people's pain, cheating has too many consequences for folk to just up and do it and then have the GALL to justify it by blaming their spouses.

MusicFilter

07-14-2003, 11:33 AM

Originally posted by RonnieRon:
Cheating = Loss of trust & respect in the relationship

Loss of trust = Why do i even have your crabby ass around.....

Some people can deal with a Cheating spouse, I couldnt and didnt.

My prediction at a 50% divorce rate now Marriage will be Obsolete in 50 years...

R-R I agree, you kinda wonder when is it going to happen again. If you see her talking to a male you wonder if he's been hittin' it or goin' to hit it.

That trust thing goes a long way. Some would say it's the foundation of any relationship, once that trust is gone, what do you have?

One lie turns into many and causes one to question the past and all the good things that came from that person.

Greg, I feel for ya. All I say is to follow your heart, pray on it and let God guide you through this.

DJJM3.COM

07-14-2003, 11:48 AM

Originally posted by Discogoddess:
That's bull isht(cheating bcuz of being on sex punishment)! If people experience lack of sex, loss of affection or diminished romance in their marriages, they need to address it within the marriage or separate and deal with the issues like that. As we know either from our own experiences or through observing other people's pain, cheating has too many consequences for folk to just up and do it and then have the GALL to justify it by blaming their spouses. Then what do you suggest if it was addressed and no resolution was made? (i'm being devil's advocate here)

[ July 14, 2003, 12:49 PM: Message edited by: DJJM3 ]

MusicFilter

07-14-2003, 11:50 AM

Originally posted by Discogoddess:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by chgodj3:
Good you haven't put your husband on Pu**y punishment. When I was married I experienced this at times. If she was mad at me I'd get the "don't touch me treatment". I am told by my cheatin' friends that's why they cheat. That's bull isht(cheating bcuz of being on sex punishment)! If people experience lack of sex, loss of affection or diminished romance in their marriages, they need to address it within the marriage or separate and deal with the issues like that. As we know either from our own experiences or through observing other people's pain, cheating has too many consequences for folk to just up and do it and then have the GALL to justify it by blaming their spouses. [/QUOTE]That's correct cheatin' has too many consequences for those who care. Both men and women go into it for that quick fix. I am surprised at the amount of women that could care less if a man is married. We sometimes think women would be better than men, but sometimes they are worse. I've actually seen women go after a man they know is married.

And that talkin' thing is all well and good if you can get the other person to talk. If you can't get them to screw, how can you get them to talk? Then again, some people just don't care. I find we live in a society where it's all about "my happiness" and "what's comfortable for me" and "what you gonna do for me".

Marriage is slowly dying idea. It's almost like going to an amusement park for a ride on that new rollercoaster. Once you've been on it and experienced, you'll either keep on going back or not be bothered again. It all depends on your experience.

Discogoddess

07-14-2003, 11:52 AM

Originally posted by DJJM3:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Discogoddess:
That's bull isht(cheating bcuz of being on sex punishment)! If people experience lack of sex, loss of affection or diminished romance in their marriages, they need to address it within the marriage or separate and deal with the issues like that. As we know either from our own experiences or through observing other people's pain, cheating has too many consequences for folk to just up and do it and then have the GALL to justify it by blaming their spouses. Then what do you suggest if it was addressed and no resolution was made? (i'm being devil's advocate here) [/QUOTE]First, I am not speaking on our friend's current dilemma, just in general. I would suggest a separation, if the couple could not work out the loss of sex/affection/love/romance/intimacy issues. But what do I know? graemlins/conf44.gif

DJJM3.COM

07-14-2003, 12:02 PM

Originally posted by Discogoddess:
First, I am not speaking on our friend's current dilemma, just in general. I would suggest a separation, if the couple could not work out the loss of sex/affection/love/romance/intimacy issues. But what do I know? graemlins/conf44.gif Gregs on the right path......he will be fine...

(your response)Thats a option.....Absense makes the heart grow fonder or the oats wilder......

But you are blessed with a good spouse...(I am too- I didnt marry to get my "freak" on I got married because I love her).....

Alanda Marquette from DiscoLadyLand

07-14-2003, 12:38 PM

Originally posted by Discogoddess:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by DJJM3:
... I just dont sex up more then one woman and its less often.... I always hear men say that they have sex much less often once they're married...I don't understand this, as this hasn't been my marriage experience at all! Other married women...care to chime in on this?

To answer the thread's question: it really depends on the situation...I think we could work through certain things, with a LOT of counseling and prayer. But honestly, I think if I were to cheat, my hubby would be much less likely to forgive and forget with me. I think a man has a harder time blocking out of his mind (to the point of forgiveness) the thought of his wife being with some other dude. [/QUOTE]Answer to the first question: I have 4 children, 1 on the way, need I explain?

Answer to the thread: That is such a hard pill to swallow, kowing that you spouse cheated and wanting others will not set well. However what you do that I don't know about can't harm me, until there is 1) an illegitamate baby 2) a crazy person calling to disrupt the marriage, telling about the affair and you lie 3)a sexually transmitted disease. At that point there is time for a hanging. NO I am not talking about divorce, I am talking about hanging by the balls or gettin'em when he least expect it mad1.gif

Now if there is an admitted infedility and he is apologetic and wants me to know, then we will have to work it out. But how many people realistically admit cheating? graemlins/conf44.gif

DJJM3.COM

07-14-2003, 12:46 PM

Originally posted by DiscoLady:
Answer to the first question: I have 4 children, 1 on the way, need I explain?

Answer to the thread: That is such a hard pill to swallow, kowing that you spouse cheated and wanting others will not set well. However what you do that I don't know about can't harm me, until there is 1) an illegitamate baby 2) a crazy person calling to disrupt the marriage, telling about the affair and you lie 3)a sexually transmitted disease. At that point there is time for a hanging. NO I am not talking about divorce, I am talking about hanging by the balls or gettin'em when he least expect it mad1.gif

Now if there is an admitted infedility and he is apologetic and wants me to know, then we will have to work it out. But how many people realistically admit cheating? graemlins/conf44.gif A tad bit late.....but thanks for the input........any more jokes post coming?

MusicFilter

07-14-2003, 12:48 PM

Originally posted by JAMIE 3:26:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by chgodj3:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Discogoddess:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by DJJM3:
... I just dont sex up more then one woman and its less often.... I always hear men say that they have sex much less often once they're married...I don't understand this, as this hasn't been my marriage experience at all! Other married women...care to chime in on this?

To answer the thread's question: it really depends on the situation...I think we could work through certain things, with a LOT of counseling and prayer. But honestly, I think if I were to cheat, my hubby would be much less likely to forgive and forget with me. I think a man has a harder time blocking out of his mind (to the point of forgiveness) the thought of his wife being with some other dude. [/QUOTE]Good you haven't put your husband on Pu**y punishment. When I was married I experienced this at times. If she was mad at me I'd get the "don't touch me treatment". I am told by my cheatin' friends that's why they cheat. [/QUOTE]Yeah,well what makes a woman cheat? [/QUOTE]What makes a woman cheat according to my sources is when she's fed up. When her man ain't doin' his job, when she's just checkin' out "the other side", wasn't in love with the man in the first place, she refuses to give her heart to anyone but will part with the coochie, curious or having succumb to the person who is making advances towards her.

Huey P. Freeman

07-14-2003, 12:53 PM

Originally posted by Discogoddess:
I read somewhere once that you should argue either holding hands or naked...I'll take naked for $200 please, Alex! ;) graemlins/lol.gif

Alanda Marquette from DiscoLadyLand

07-14-2003, 01:08 PM

Originally posted by DJJM3: A tad bit late.....but thanks for the input........any more jokes post coming?
I am too late to respond? Why?

Post jokes? Are you kidding? I get beatdown everytime I post a joke now. According to Gman I will be banned the next time i post a bad joke graemlins/rofl.gif So I haven't found any good jokes lately.

JMJ

07-14-2003, 01:14 PM

Originally posted by DiscoLady:
<blockquote>quote:<hr /> Originally posted by DJJM3: A tad bit late.....but thanks for the input........any more jokes post coming?
I am too late to respond? Why?

Post jokes? Are you kidding? I get beatdown everytime I post a joke now. According to Gman I will be banned the next time i post a bad joke graemlins/rofl.gif So I haven't found any good jokes lately. [/QUOTE]Wrong. Ever......JMJ

DJJM3.COM

07-14-2003, 01:24 PM

Originally posted by DiscoLady:
I am too late to respond? Why?

Post jokes? Are you kidding? I get beatdown everytime I post a joke now. According to Gman I will be banned the next time i post a bad joke graemlins/rofl.gif So I haven't found any good jokes lately. He (Greg)is working things out......he is fine.....
I enjoy them(the jokes)......because I lost the "Worst Joke Title" to you...Congrats!!!!!!

[ July 14, 2003, 02:25 PM: Message edited by: DJJM3 ]

Tony Cano

07-14-2003, 01:30 PM

Originally posted by TAC:
My two cents.

All those who are not married need to sit back and let grown married folk talk. This is some, deep, deep do-do that my man is in.

Peace
TAC being married doesn't make you grown. do you read some of the shit your grown married folks say at times?

TAC

07-14-2003, 01:55 PM

Originally posted by Tony Cano:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by TAC:
My two cents.

All those who are not married need to sit back and let grown married folk talk. This is some, deep, deep do-do that my man is in.

Peace
TAC being married doesn't make you grown. do you read some of the shit your grown married folks say at times? [/QUOTE]Yup, but keeping the issue narrow, and forgetting about all the other things that may be tossed out by so called grown folk, THIS one is for the "grown" folk. Suffice it to say, all that talk about "dump this dump that," love is this, sex is that, is the talk of inexperienced single people.

My original comment was more rooted in tossing some humor in the mix. But in all reality, the situation is really not that humorous.

Only those who are married are going to have a decent (reasonable) voice on this one. For the most part, the single people are the ones screaming "dump 'em, yo." This is absolutisim at best.

For starters, there are the feelings associated with the end of a way of life that have to be dealt with. Then there are the property issues associated with dissolving the marriage. After you've dealt with that, then there are the issues of alimony, child custody and support. All this without even talking about the psychological factors behind why the affair happened or is happening.

On this one, it's an adult (grown folk) situation. Say what yer want, but the truth is, this ain't the dating game.

Peace
TAC

Alanda Marquette from DiscoLadyLand

07-14-2003, 02:03 PM

Originally posted by DJJM3:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by DiscoLady:
I am too late to respond? Why?

Post jokes? Are you kidding? I get beatdown everytime I post a joke now. According to Gman I will be banned the next time i post a bad joke graemlins/rofl.gif So I haven't found any good jokes lately. He (Greg)is working things out......he is fine.....
I enjoy them(the jokes)......because I lost the "Worst Joke Title" to you...Congrats!!!!!! [/QUOTE]
Originally posted by DJJM3:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by DiscoLady:
I am too late to respond? Why?

Post jokes? Are you kidding? I get beatdown everytime I post a joke now. According to Gman I will be banned the next time i post a bad joke graemlins/rofl.gif So I haven't found any good jokes lately. He (Greg)is working things out......he is fine.....
I enjoy them(the jokes)......because I lost the "Worst Joke Title" to you...Congrats!!!!!! [/QUOTE]I thought it was a general question. See how much i pay attention graemlins/jpshakehead.gif

Thanks for enjoying my jokes even if you are being nice to spare my feelings graemlins/rofl.gif

GrantB

07-14-2003, 03:40 PM

Originally posted by TAC:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Tony Cano:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by TAC:
My two cents.

All those who are not married need to sit back and let grown married folk talk. This is some, deep, deep do-do that my man is in.

Peace
TAC being married doesn't make you grown. do you read some of the shit your grown married folks say at times? [/QUOTE]Yup, but keeping the issue narrow, and forgetting about all the other things that may be tossed out by so called grown folk, THIS one is for the "grown" folk. Suffice it to say, all that talk about "dump this dump that," love is this, sex is that, is the talk of inexperienced single people.

My original comment was more rooted in tossing some humor in the mix. But in all reality, the situation is really not that humorous.

Only those who are married are going to have a decent (reasonable) voice on this one. For the most part, the single people are the ones screaming "dump 'em, yo." This is absolutisim at best.

For starters, there are the feelings associated with the end of a way of life that have to be dealt with. Then there are the property issues associated with dissolving the marriage. After you've dealt with that, then there are the issues of alimony, child custody and support. All this without even talking about the psychological factors behind why the affair happened or is happening.

On this one, it's an adult (grown folk) situation. Say what yer want, but the truth is, this ain't the dating game.

Peace
TAC [/QUOTE]Some of us single folk are single _now_ because we have been through this. We might have an idea or two worth hearing.

Javier Drada

07-14-2003, 03:58 PM

Originally posted by Dolemite73:
For 8 long years I put up with a unfaithful wife. I rationalized it by saying "no matter what she is doing, someone has to be here to raise these kids". They were all very young and I felt they needed thier daddy. It really sucked going through that though. I left her trifling ass 2 and a half years ago, and it was the best decision of my life. NO ONE should have to go through the stress, the hurt and the pain of infidelity. She had gotten pregnant by different men. She was giving my money to these men. And worse of all, I once contracted a sexually transmitted disease from here once.

The way I see it, once a cheater, always a cheater. GET OUT!!! Your'e a strong man cause I would have shot the bitch... AR15firing.gif

Alanda Marquette from DiscoLadyLand

07-14-2003, 04:44 PM

Originally posted by Javier Drada:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Dolemite73:
For 8 long years I put up with a unfaithful wife. I rationalized it by saying "no matter what she is doing, someone has to be here to raise these kids". They were all very young and I felt they needed thier daddy. It really sucked going through that though. I left her trifling ass 2 and a half years ago, and it was the best decision of my life. NO ONE should have to go through the stress, the hurt and the pain of infidelity. She had gotten pregnant by different men. She was giving my money to these men. And worse of all, I once contracted a sexually transmitted disease from here once.

The way I see it, once a cheater, always a cheater. GET OUT!!! Your'e a strong man cause I would have shot the bitch... AR15firing.gif [/QUOTE]I would have shot her. What's her address, I want to personally kick her butt for messing over a good man. There are alot of women that wonder where are the good men graemlins/conf44.gif Look at your trifling sistahs that think the good men are doormats and slap the taste out of their mouth graemlins/spanka.gif

formerly known as kenspank

07-14-2003, 05:39 PM

i think that people become sexually attracted to people due to a specfic set of instinctual conditions. if one or more of those conditions is lost, than i don't think that any rules or regulations can force someone to have feelings for someone that they just don't have.

i think its up to every couple to keep tabs on how their relationship is going....see if its functioning up to dealership standards. when one or both of the partners is not getting some or all of their love needs met, then this can be the seed for infidelity.

as children, sometimes our families can't meet all of our needs, so we often look outside of the family to fulfill those needs.

as adults in intimate relationships, we often look outside of the relationship to see if other people can fill our needs that aren't being filled within the relationship.

keep close tabs on your needs and see if they're being fulfilled. if they aren't, take time to negotiate new terms with you partner. if you're partner flips you the bird or some shit like that, then your partner is clearly unreasonable and it may be time to take your show on the road.

communication is key. you've got to see and read your partner from moment to moment and day to day. you've got see if they're still dedicated to your mutual satisfaction. if they're not and you subject yourself to suffering in a partnership with them, you need to then check your relationship with yourself. are you loving yourself? are you your best friend or your worst enemy?

Jotex

07-15-2003, 10:58 AM

G,

I will definitely be praying for you situation. One thing to consider is that whatever is going on with your spouse has nothing to do with you. It has everything to do with something that she hasn't cleared up from childhood. That kind of stuff can rule people for the rest of their lives. Once we truly realize how magnificent we are, and begin to love who we are we get to a place where seeking the approval of other people (through infidelity, serial dating, f-ing around period) is no longer fulfilling. I know this may sound like some "psychobabble", but this is how I truly feel. I would never step out on my wife, because I love and respect myself. I know that my wife feels that same about herself. It is truly a shame for men and women to give of themselves in such an intimate way to a person or people who gases them up..

G-Man, stay prayerful. Let The Creator work this one out. 4-real

Love

Alanda Marquette from DiscoLadyLand

07-15-2003, 11:30 AM

Originally posted by Jotex:
G,

I will definitely be praying for you situation. One thing to consider is that whatever is going on with your spouse has nothing to do with you. It has everything to do with something that she hasn't cleared up from childhood. That kind of stuff can rule people for the rest of their lives. Once we truly realize how magnificent we are, and begin to love who we are we get to a place where seeking the approval of other people (through infidelity, serial dating, f-ing around period) is no longer fulfilling. I know this may sound like some "psychobabble", but this is how I truly feel. I would never step out on my wife, because I love and respect myself. I know that my wife feels that same about herself. It is truly a shame for men and women to give of themselves in such an intimate way to a person or people who gases them up..

G-Man, stay prayerful. Let The Creator work this one out. 4-real

Love Jo, you are so right.

If you think about it most of our generation has never been taught how to love or become companions for others. We believe that having a boyfriend/girlfriend is about feeling good or complete and we never think about exactly how deep relationships are once things go bad. We have been selfish and learned how to run when things get bad. When we are in relationships we tend to want to change others instead of ourselves, so if that person won't change, the other decides to go elsewhere to get what they want.

Another thing about love; anything you can fall into you can fall out of.

DJJM3.COM

07-15-2003, 12:00 PM

Jo, you are so right.

If you think about it most of our generation has never been taught how to love or become companions for others. We believe that having a boyfriend/girlfriend is about feeling good or complete and we never think about exactly how deep relationships are once things go bad. We have been selfish and learned how to run when things get bad. When we are in relationships we tend to want to change others instead of ourselves, so if that person won't change, the other decides to go elsewhere to get what they want.

Another thing about love; anything you can fall into you can fall out of. Good points...... thanks for the input. Let this one fall to the archives gracefully.......

Sensei Melei

07-22-2003, 07:35 AM

DHP FAMILY:

A million thanks to all my family here at DHP. The past week has been truly dificult (to say the least), but I am still standing. My head is bloodied but unbowed.

After numerous nights of soulsearching, praying, bloodletting, talking with friends, and whatever else I've been doing to keep myself going, I'M STILL HERE!!!

The situation is not yet completely resolved, but we seem to be on the right path. There are still a few obstacles to overcome, but we are willing to try, and that's all I can ask for.

Thanks DHP for being there in my time of need. You don't know how valuable you guys were in keeping me stable. The messages of support were truly overwhelming to me. You guys don't realize the power we wield as a group until one of us falls (or is knocked down). Thanks again for restoring my faith in people.

Almost At Peace,
Sensei Melei

DJJM3.COM

07-22-2003, 07:45 AM

Originally posted by Sensei Melei-1010:
DHP FAMILY:

A million thanks to all my family here at DHP. The past week has been truly dificult (to say the least), but I am still standing. My head is bloodied but unbowed.

After numerous nights of soulsearching, praying, bloodletting, talking with friends, and whatever else I've been doing to keep myself going, I'M STILL HERE!!!

The situation is not yet completely resolved, but we seem to be on the right path. There are still a few obstacles to overcome, but we are willing to try, and that's all I can ask for.

Thanks DHP for being there in my time of need. You don't know how valuable you guys were in keeping me stable. The messages of support were truly overwhelming to me. You guys don't realize the power we wield as a group until one of us falls (or is knocked down). Thanks again for restoring my faith in people.

Almost At Peace,
Sensei Melei Glad to be there for you.......I know the power DHP wields as a group when I am knocked down.......

DJ OPM

07-22-2003, 08:42 AM

Originally posted by Sensei Melei-1010:
{snip!}
The Bible says adultery is not a cause for divorce (Mathew 5:28-32?) that I should try to work it out and be forgiving. {snip!} Speaking as a minister, I can say this (keeping in mind that this is my opinion):

the verse that you are speaking of is from Matthew 5:31-32, which says.

(31) It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement;

(32) But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery; and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced shall commit adultery.In doing research into the subject and customs of Biblical law of the times, Mosaic law decreed that the question of divorce was entirely at the will of the husband, and that if the husband found in his wife something offensive, he could issue a writ of divorce, thereby expelling her from the house. But this was accepted by Moses by hereditary law, and mostly due to the hardness of the heart (See Matt 19:7-8). Christian law, however, dictates the new terms for divorce, and the only reason that divorce is acceptable, not only in Matt. 5: 31-32, but in Matt. 19:9, which reiterates the verse you quoted in saying,

(19:9) And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery...Mark 10:12 incurs the same kind of guilt, except that it also includes their custom that women may also be the divorcing party.

Bottom line, according to Christian Law (or the Gospels), divorce causes you to commit the sin of adultery, except in the case where adultery has already been committed, because adultery destroys, according to it's original institution by God, what constitutes the very essence of marriage: the union of two in one flesh (Gen 2:24).

Pray on it, and do what your heart leads you to do.

Yours in Christ,