a question about friendship....

[Pete Nice]

going through this issue with a friend and thought i would get feedback from you charcters.
how much should you be there for a friend? say you have a friend dealing with an issue that's a little too painful for you to deal with, so you back off. you tell them this and still you're bad for not being there. feel what i'm saying. and they know how you feel about this. i don't know. i'm mad and basically wrote this person off. any thoughts?

[MCarnet]

I would say that it all depends on how good of a friend you are to this person. If it were me and it was someone that I had been friends with for a long time then it wouldn't matter how bad or painful the situation that they were in was, I would be there for them.

If you could be a little more specific about what is going on then it would help.

[ June 11, 2003, 07:56 PM: Message edited by: Marcus A ]

[alex zen]

you don't have to help you friend with the issue if you can't, but you shouldn't write your friend off either. go to a movie, go get drunk, just hang out and bullshit.

[Pete Nice]

Originally posted by Marcus A:
I would say that it all depends on how good of a friend you are to this person. If it were me and it was someone that I had been friends with for a long time then it wouldn't matter how bad or painful the situation that they were in was, I would be there for them.

If you could be a little more specific about what is going on then it would help. they are/were a very close friend, but they are also a drain sometimes. meaning they always need someone holding their hand and supporting them. sometimes it just gets to be too much. give me a second on the detail part.... not something i would air out, but it's a big deal.

[Pete Nice]

Originally posted by alex zen:
you don't have to help you friend with the issue if you can't, but you shouldn't write your friend off either. go to a movie, go get drunk, just hang out and bullshit. that's what sparked the whole thing is that we had plans, but i was crashed out sleeping when they called(which has been done to me as well). i didn't get back to them right away and was called 'weak'. so this put me off to say the least. now the trick is this has happened b4 with another friend. this twice this person has been angry @people who were not there for them.

[alex zen]

Originally posted by square root:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by alex zen:
you don't have to help you friend with the issue if you can't, but you shouldn't write your friend off either. go to a movie, go get drunk, just hang out and bullshit. that's what sparked the whole thing is that we had plans, but i was crashed out sleeping when they called(which has been done to me as well). i didn't get back to them right away and was called 'weak'. so this put me off to say the least. now the trick is this has happened b4 with another friend. this twice this person has been angry @people who were not there for them. </font>[/QUOTE]that's yor friends problem not yours.

[Pete Nice]

@alex,
that's why i'm able to walk away. i'm not going through what my other friend went through trying to justify my actions and so forth. still sucks to see close people fall off.

[AD]

Originally posted by square root:
going through this issue with a friend and thought i would get feedback from you charcters.
how much should you be there for a friend? say you have a friend dealing with an issue that's a little too painful for you to deal with, so you back off. you tell them this and still you're bad for not being there. feel what i'm saying. and they know how you feel about this. i don't know. i'm mad and basically wrote this person off. any thoughts? If this is a person you sincerely care for, then you should have his/her back 100%. I'm lucky to have a few very good friends that have had my back at times when I really needed it. I NEVER forget the things that they've done for me and I consider them my brothers. It takes a second to lose a friend, but a lifetime to gain one.

peace,

AD

[And]

*

[ June 11, 2003, 08:40 PM: Message edited by: 6 23 ]

[Pete Nice]

albert,
i hear what you are saying. man do i hear, but this person has an issue with male figures in their life. you know 'they have screwed me over and now you too'. don't judge me related to those before me. i don't judge. hear what i'm saying, what i'm relating? maybe after sometime i'll make my way bacik, but only time will tell. as i've gotten older i've accepted that certain people serve different roles and expect no more, no less. just honesty and the ability to talk to me.

[And]

Originally posted by 6 23:
edit

[And]

Is it difficult to share with her the way you have here?

[And]

Pardon all the weird posts ... I don't know what went on with my computer just now.

[ June 11, 2003, 08:41 PM: Message edited by: 6 23 ]

[Pete Nice]

Originally posted by 6 23:
Square root ... what is it that you're finding draining?
Are they asking too much of you?
Is it your involvement in their problem (if you are at all involved).
Is the blow up you just had one in a series? they are not asking too much, but they are dealing with a problem i have yet to come to terms with(some 10 years later at that).
no i'm not involved and the blow up was isolated.
this person always has drama in their life and i would say real drama as opposed to just makin' drama. the problem is they always come to me and sometimes it just weighs too much. that's cool with me, but i wish they would understand that it can be overwhelming, which has been talked about. also this person gets stuck in the mind frame that no one else has 'problems' like theirs.

[AD]

Dude, if this person is a girl then you've gotta be super sensitive with her and wonder why she's feeling that way about men. All of my friends that are girls know they can trust me because I never tried shit that shouldn't be tried with them. Friends should remain friends so just give her time and she'll come around. Just be patient. Dude, girls are like that so just be patient and let her come around, but don't ignore her either and check in on her from time to time in order to find out if she's ready to open up.

[Pete Nice]

Originally posted by 6 23:
Is it difficult to share with her the way you have here? no not at all. that's the sad part. it is more difficult for her(how did you know?) to talk openly. i help bring her out of that place..... i understand she feels let down and all...... but i don't know.

[Pete Nice]

thanks to all of you who put out your .02 cents. it's always good to get feedback from... well from around the country. how cool is that?
seriously thanks. can't talk to one of my friends since they just got their walking papers from the same person. i'm ghost. gonna smoke a bowl and eat a meal, then listen to song or two. peeez-out!

[DOTSmusic]

is she one of those types that expects you to be there for her and help her out in anyway you can, but gives very little in return? not saying that you even expect anything in return but, it would be nice to know that this person has your back in the same manner you have hers.

if so, stepping off will let her know that contrary to what she believes, you won't continue to be there for her if she keeps up with her bullshit.
which i think will be a apositive thing in the end.

[ June 11, 2003, 09:09 PM: Message edited by: aKiLa ]

[dj c-los]

my friend came out of the closet and said he was gay. I was like..."damn." He said "you want to meet him" (refering to his boyfriend). I was like "no, not really." He can go ahead and dislike what i said but after all it's about what we feel comfortable with and if you think i had the problem for not wanting to meet his lover. How about him respecting my decision. The street goes both ways. We're still friends and if we can respect our decisions in a situation, then our friendship is gravy, baby.

[(Im)poster]

First of all, Square, calling us "characters" wasn't too friendly IMO. ;)

I say kick her to the curb. Needy friends are a dime a dozen. Some folks are always going to be
a drain and if you find that you have more pain than pleasure in a friendship, you have to re-evaluate that friendship.

I had a friend I really loved stop talking to me once. I was in a bad relationship and he had changed the locks on my doors, stored some of my stuff at his house and done all sorts of things to help me, but I couldn't break free. The difference there was that he wanted to save me and I needed to figure out how to save myself. I respected his decision to end our friendship because I knew it was hard for him to see me hurt. If this woman truly cares for you -- and not just what you can do for her, she will understand as well.

[Querck]

Originally posted by clos7:
my friend came out of the closet and said he was gay. I was like..."damn." He said "you want to meet him" (refering to his boyfriend). I was like "no, not really." He can go ahead and dislike what i said but after all it's about what we feel comfortable with and if you think i had the problem for not wanting to meet his lover. How about him respecting my decision. The street goes both ways. We're still friends and if we can respect our decisions in a situation, then our friendship is gravy, baby. graemlins/nono.gif
The "street goes both ways" analogy in this situation is not appropriate at all. Are you saying that he should respect your intolerance simply because you have no problem with who he is?
What if you had a straight friend who wanted to introduce you to his girfriend?
Acceptance has to go all the way my man, and if I was in the position of your friend, I would be severely offended.