Fletch
03-18-2003, 08:13 PM
My Fellow Americans,
Yesterday, I made my address to you, emphasizing the need to rid of Sadamm Hussein, and Iraq's weapons of mass destruction. I am here to tell you of other directives that I have imposed.
As a result of this war, I am ordering the cancellation of the NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament. As a result of this, I am officially declaring Texas the National Champion, and Florida as the runner up. Anyone who contests this declaration (though recounts or otherwise) will be met with serious consequences.
An in order to protect this Executive Order for the year 2004, I am issuing some more orders. First, that Carmello Anthony declare himself for the NBA Draft within 48 Hours. It is already a proven fact that if left unchecked, this young tyrant will wreck havoc in the college basketball world. There have been an assortment of so-called box-and-one resolutions to stop this man. But none have worked. And now, we must go to a last resort. That he must leave, immediately.
Second, that programs in the Northeastern United States dismantle their weapons of mass destruction, commonly known as 2-3 zone defenses. Once again, if left unchecked, these programs as well will have an unfair balance in our world of college basketball.
Third, that it be illegal to post messages supporting programs and players from or in upstate New York. Either you are with us, or you're with the people in those bright, ugly orange shirts.
These are my declarations. Thank you, and long live Texas.
Yesterday, I made my address to you, emphasizing the need to rid of Sadamm Hussein, and Iraq's weapons of mass destruction. I am here to tell you of other directives that I have imposed.
As a result of this war, I am ordering the cancellation of the NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament. As a result of this, I am officially declaring Texas the National Champion, and Florida as the runner up. Anyone who contests this declaration (though recounts or otherwise) will be met with serious consequences.
An in order to protect this Executive Order for the year 2004, I am issuing some more orders. First, that Carmello Anthony declare himself for the NBA Draft within 48 Hours. It is already a proven fact that if left unchecked, this young tyrant will wreck havoc in the college basketball world. There have been an assortment of so-called box-and-one resolutions to stop this man. But none have worked. And now, we must go to a last resort. That he must leave, immediately.
Second, that programs in the Northeastern United States dismantle their weapons of mass destruction, commonly known as 2-3 zone defenses. Once again, if left unchecked, these programs as well will have an unfair balance in our world of college basketball.
Third, that it be illegal to post messages supporting programs and players from or in upstate New York. Either you are with us, or you're with the people in those bright, ugly orange shirts.
These are my declarations. Thank you, and long live Texas.