Age appropriate

[Koffy Brown]

I was thinking back on the R. Kelly thread and everyone kept making a big point about the age difference...how would you all have reacted if she was 18? Let's not just deal with R. Kelly what is age appropriation? I'm 32 I know I can legally date and or marry an 18 year old but to me that's not appropriate? What about a 60 year old man that marries a 21 year old woman? Just asking...

[Ronnie Ron]

Originally posted by Ashaki:
I was thinking back on the R. Kelly thread and everyone kept making a big point about the age difference...how would you all have reacted if she was 18? Let's not just deal with R. Kelly what is age appropriation? I'm 32 I know I can legally date and or marry an 18 year old but to me that's not appropriate? What about a 60 year old man that marries a 21 year old woman? Just asking...Im 41 lets date...... ha ha ha ha ha im just kidding with ya....... graemlins/acclaim.gif

[Koffy Brown]

Originally posted by RonnieRon:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Ashaki:
I was thinking back on the R. Kelly thread and everyone kept making a big point about the age difference...how would you all have reacted if she was 18? Let's not just deal with R. Kelly what is age appropriation? I'm 32 I know I can legally date and or marry an 18 year old but to me that's not appropriate? What about a 60 year old man that marries a 21 year old woman? Just asking...Im 41 lets date...... ha ha ha ha ha im just kidding with ya....... graemlins/acclaim.gif </font>[/QUOTE]I don't date older men, I need me a young back breaking stallion...just kidding graemlins/rofl.gif

let me stop before I become the official DHP call girl graemlins/rofl.gif

[Pete Nice]

age is just a number right? i suppose it depends where these people are in their lives. and of course what are the real reasons why someone is dating someone 20 years younger then they are.... i know that i dated an 18-year old when i was 23 and it sucked. but what if you date someone 10 years younger or so, and it works.... what do you do then? deal with the stigma that society has attached to that or give it up.... there was a time when an older man dating a young girl was normal in this country.... if we're told that women muture faster than men wouldn't it be normal for an older man to date younger women? on the other side though being that women reach their sexual peak(sp) later than men you could argue that women should date younger guys.... and just to throw this out there: what if a man who is 25 dates a girl who is 16, and say they stay together for the rest of their lives.... how much would age mean then?

[Mocambo]

Originally posted by Ashaki:
I was thinking back on the R. Kelly thread and everyone kept making a big point about the age difference...how would you all have reacted if she was 18? Let's not just deal with R. Kelly what is age appropriation? I'm 32 I know I can legally date and or marry an 18 year old but to me that's not appropriate? What about a 60 year old man that marries a 21 year old woman? Just asking...I think Quincy Jones knows the answer to that.......

[Ronnie Ron]

Originally posted by Ashaki:
don't date older men, I need me a young back breaking stallion...just kidding graemlins/rofl.gif

let me stop before I become the official DHP call girl graemlins/rofl.gif [/QB]graemlins/rofl.gif graemlins/rofl.gif graemlins/rofl.gif

[Koffy Brown]

Originally posted by RonnieRon:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Ashaki:
don't date older men, I need me a young back breaking stallion...just kidding graemlins/rofl.gif

let me stop before I become the official DHP call girl graemlins/rofl.gif graemlins/rofl.gif graemlins/rofl.gif graemlins/rofl.gif [/QB]</font>[/QUOTE]http://deephousepage.com/smilies/eye_anim.gif http://deephousepage.com/smilies/eye_anim.gif

[Koffy Brown]

so in all seriousness...they just need to be of an age that satisfies us personally...

[Pete Nice]

yes, it's all relative to your life situation.

[Koffy Brown]

well why did we have a 15 page disagreement about R. Kelly...maybe that grown adult brotha is functioning on a 15yo level???

[Alanda Marquette from DiscoLadyLand]

In either case, I believe you should love first no matter the age (of course legal age). I agree about being a 21 year old man dating an older woman. Let's not forget the maturity thing. Women that age are at least a couple years more mature than men, so dating an 18 year old would be not be appropriate because he has not been exposed yet. At least a man 21 and older have been to college or worked a few jobs, been to prison, on the streets, etc., have more experience in living than a boy younger.

Besides, an older person should not want to be with anyone more than 5 to 10 years their junior. There is a generation gap to consider and too much teaching going on between the older and the younger folk graemlins/rofl.gif

[JMJ]

As long as what two people are doing is LEGAL, I don't really care what they do....JMJ

[JMJ]

Originally posted by Ashaki:
well why did we have a 15 page disagreement about R. Kelly...maybe that grown adult brotha is functioning on a 15yo level???His dick is 34 or 35 graemlins/jpshakehead.gif . Case closed.....JMJ

[Alanda Marquette from DiscoLadyLand]

Originally posted by JMJ:
As long as what two people are doing is LEGAL, I don't really care what they do....JMJYou call what you do legal? graemlins/tongueout.gif just kidding

[Koffy Brown]

Originally posted by DiscoLady:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by JMJ:
As long as what two people are doing is LEGAL, I don't really care what they do....JMJYou call what you do legal? graemlins/tongueout.gif just kidding</font>[/QUOTE]yea...it's soft porn graemlins/rofl.gif

[JMJ]

Originally posted by Ashaki:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by DiscoLady:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by JMJ:
As long as what two people are doing is LEGAL, I don't really care what they do....JMJYou call what you do legal? graemlins/tongueout.gif just kidding</font>[/QUOTE]yea...it's soft porn graemlins/rofl.gif </font>[/QUOTE]It's never soft........JMJ

[konbit]

I believe that children 16 and younger generally do not have the maturity, sense of responsibility, emotional development, sense of consequences or life experience to engage safely in sexual relationships.

[Pete Nice]

for me personally i like older women. usaully less drama. they're experience is worth a lot more than a younger person trying to figure their life out. and the stability doesn't hurt either. but it's all about the "things" they can show you :D

[LEONARD REMIX RROY]

Originally posted by konbit:
I believe that children 16 and younger generally do not have the maturity, sense of responsibility, emotional development, sense of consequences or life experience to engage safely in sexual relationships.I agree on that and it is our duty as parents to talk with our children and guide them to proper decision making. Some of us fail to / don't want to admit that our children are more advanced in some areas than we were at their age. They are now exposed to more than we were exposed to at their same age.

Some parents forget what 17 feel like and that is the quickest way to build a wall between a parent & child. I know it will only be a matter of years before my daughter is sexually active, I don't like it but, giving her guidance will pay off.

I am not afraid of becoming a grandfather, sex in this day & age can kill you. HIV ain't no joke!

[MsAlayneous]

[ March 31, 2003, 04:36 PM: Message edited by: deepred ]

[JMJ]

Originally posted by deepred:
<font color = dkblue>some of my best boyfriends were
10 years younger than me. graemlins/remybussi.gif
BUT at that time they still were grown men, not teenagers. :eek: so Im old okay. old enough to teach a young(er) dog new tricks but not too old to be taught a few myself ;)

graemlins/scared.gif ...did I say that?
</font>Bow wow wow yippee-yo-yippee-yay....JMJ

[lola desire]

i feel pretty strongly on this topic so i'll try to be concise.

in this society, women generally tend to be upheld for thier beauty and youthful looks. this is especially emphasized when anorexic models with narrow hips become a standard of beauty. women are expected to fulfill the role of the innocent, yet sexually available; attentive, yet obedient. women would more likely fit this standard before the age of 25.

also in this society, men generally tend to be upheld for thier ability to provide and protect. the men are expected to play the role of the father-figure. this is emphasized with the standard image of a powerful, rich (or seemingly so), the-man-in-uniform (which is often a suit). men would be more likely to fit this standard after the age of 35.

with our standards established, it seems reasonable for younger women to seek older men and for older men to seek younger women. but the question is: do we really know why?

when i began to date, and really up until i met my husband, i was always looking for a father-figure to provide for me, protect me, and make decisions for me ( :rolleyes: graemlins/stupid.gif , anyway). i didn't even know i was doing it, but i was chasing an image. my last ex-boyfriend (before getting married) was the one that helped me realize the flaw in what i sought.

when we choose a partner to fulfill a role, we rob that person of their right to be themselves. we also lock ourselves into playing the accompanying role, which robs us of our right to be ourselves.

for me, the best relationship is one where i can be myself and there are no expectations. in my relationship with my husband (kenspank graemlins/1luvu.gif for those who don't know) i can be myself all of the time. and that's the best kind of relationship for me.

i don't think it is up to us to determine what's right for someone else; instead we should evaluate our own motivations. we should seek to discover why we do what we do. if you like it, do it. if you don't like it (if it ain't working out for you), quit your bitchin', own it, and change.

[MsAlayneous]

[ March 31, 2003, 04:37 PM: Message edited by: deepred ]

[formerly known as kenspank]

Originally posted by konbit:
I believe that children 16 and younger generally do not have the maturity, sense of responsibility, emotional development, sense of consequences or life experience to engage safely in sexual relationships.although are school system is designed to prepare children for employment, there is no standardized system for development into adulthood.

if children 16 and younger don't have the maturity, sense of responsibility, emotional development, sense of consequences of life experience to engage safely in sexual relationships, its only because they failed to pursue those experiences that would lead to those results or we failed to teach those skills to them.

there are people 18 and older who don't posess any of those skills, but we assume they do because they are over the age of 18.

what is the obsession with this magic number 18? where did it come from? why is this number supposed to fit all people and all cases?

this is the fatal mistake i believe lots of parents made with my generation and seem to continue to be making. while at home, they expect you to behave like a child. then, at some magic age, they expect you "to know better". half the time, they feed you and shelter you, but never sit down and give you the instruction that would eventually fulfill their later expectations.

as children we absorb information from our surroundings. we examine our parents and their relationships. we analyze our relationship with our parents. when we finally face school and an expanded social situation at age 4 or 5, we begin forming relationships with people. year after year we practice forming relationships with people. by age 12, we've had 12 years of experience forming relationships with people. that becomes our blueprint for forming relationships.

before the age of 12, statistics say most of us engaged in some sort of sex play with members of the same sex. some of us might have engaged in sex play with members of the opposite sex. others of us may have engaged in sex play with our siblings. by puberty, sex play changes. we rehearse becoming adults. trying to get it right. without guidance from our parents we look to our peers or we make up rights of passage for ourselves. some of us get piercings. others of us get tattoos. still others drink a tank of alcohol and get really phucked up.

needless to say, by age 16 we've had 16 years of experience. we may not be perfect at creating the ideal relationship for ourselves, but we're probably pretty good at creating relationship dynamics that are familiar to us. we may choose relationship patterns that we see between our parents. we may choose relationship patterns that we see on tv.

by age 16, we're still learning, but we're becoming more and more perfect at what is familiar to us.

if that does not live up to ideal for society or if society does not find our lifestyle appropriate, we need to tell society to suck our dick.

be yourself. live your life. be impeccable with your word.

[Walter M. Jones]

Originally posted by JMJ:
As long as what two people are doing is LEGAL, I don't really care what they do....JMJButt sex is illegal. Yet I'm sure there has been a few cops that have bragged to their buddies about having it.

But when I was 19 I had a three night stand with a blond nurse. She was 32 years old and sexy as hell. Very petite. Never will forget her. Peace.

[(Im)poster]

Originally posted by deepred:
<font color = dkblue>some of my best boyfriends were
10 years younger than me. graemlins/remybussi.gif
BUT at that time they still were grown men, not teenagers. :eek: so Im old okay. old enough to teach a young(er) dog new tricks but not too old to be taught a few myself ;)

graemlins/scared.gif ...did I say that?
</font>I haven't gone to 10 years younger yet, but three of the men I've had relationships with have been younger, including my present sweetie. The range has been from 3-8 years. Age is not necessarily an indicator of maturity when it come to adults. There are a lot of old fools, too. I spent 10 years of my life with one.

[(Im)poster]

Oh, I should also add that my mom is 8 years older than my dad, so I never really tripped about age differences (within reason, of course). Recently someone asked my mom if my dad was HER father. smile.gif They've been married more than 30 years, so I think that helps put things in perspective.

[dennis f]

"...when we choose a partner to fulfill a role, we rob that person of their right to be themselves. we also lock ourselves into playing the accompanying role, which robs us of our right to be ourselves.

for me, the best relationship is one where i can be myself"

Jesus...I couldn't of said this better myself..I'm gonna frame this quote!!!

laters