sezy
11-20-2003, 12:24 PM
RESUME
George W. Bush
The White House, USA
EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE:
LAW ENFORCEMENT:
I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine, in 1976 for driving under the
influence of alcohol. I pled guilty, paid a fine, and had my driver's
license suspended for 30 days. My Texas driving record has been "lost" and
is not available.
MILITARY:
I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL. I refused to take a
drug test or answer any questions about my drug use. By joining the Texas
Air National Guard, I was able to avoid combat duty in Vietnam.
COLLEGE:
I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. I was a cheerleader.
PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:
I ran for U.S. Congress and lost. I began my career in the oil business in
Midland, Texas, in 1975. I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil
in Texas. I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal
that took land using taxpayer money.
With the help of my father and our right-wing friends in the oil industry
(including Enron CEO Ken Lay), I was elected governor of Texas.
ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS:
I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil companies, making
Texas the most polluted state in the Union. During my tenure, Houston
replaced Los Angeles as the most smog-ridden city in America.
I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the tune of billions in
borrowed money. I set the record for the most executions by any governor in
American history.
With the help of my brother, the governor of Florida, and my father's
appointments to the Supreme Court, I became President after losing by over
500,000 votes.
ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:
I am the first President in U.S. history to enter office with a criminal
record. I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing cost of over
one billion dollars per week. I spent the U.S. surplus and eff! ectively
bankrupted the U.S. Treasury. I shattered the record for the largest annual
deficit in U.S. history. I set an economic record for most private
bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period. I set the all-time record for
most foreclosures in a 12-month period. I set the all-time record for the
biggest drop in the history of the U.S. stock market. In my first year in
office, over 2 million Americans lost their jobs and that trend continues
every month. I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of
any administration in U.S. history. My "poorest millionaire," Condoleeza
Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her. I set the record for most
campaign fund-raising trips by a U.S. President. I am the all-time U.S. and
world record-holder for receiving the most corporate campaign donations. My
largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of my best friends, Kenneth
Lay, presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in U.S. History,
Enron. My political party used Enron private jets and corporate attorneys
to assure my success with the U.S. Supreme Court during my election
decision. I have protected my friends a t Enron and Halliburton against
investigation or prosecution. More time and money was spent investigating
the Monica Lewinsky affair than has been spent investigating one of the
biggest corporate rip-offs in history. I presided over the biggest energy
crisis in U.S. history and refused to intervene when corruption involving
the oil industry was revealed. I presided over the highest gasoline prices
in U.S. history.
I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded
government contracts. I appointed more convicted criminals to
administration than any President in U.S. history. I created the Ministry
of Homeland Security, the largest bureaucracy in the history of the United
States government. I've broken more international treaties than any
President in U.S. history. I am the first President in U.S. history to have
the United Nations remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission. I
withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law. I refused to allow
inspectors access to U.S. "prisoners of war" detainees and thereby have
refused to abide by the Geneva Convention.
I am the first President in history to refuse United Nations election
inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. election). I set the record for fewest
number of press conferences of any President since the advent of
television. I set the all-time record for most days on vacation in any
one-year period. After taking off the entire month of August, I presided
over the worst security failure in U.S. history. I garnered the most
sympathy for the U.S. after the World Trade Center attacks and less than a
year later made the U.S. the most hated country in the world, the largest
failure of diplomacy in world history. I have set the all-time record for
most people worldwide to simultaneously protest me in public venues (15
million people), shattering the record for protest against any person in
the history of mankind. I am the first President in U.S. history to order
an unprovoked, pre-emptive attack and the military occupation of a
sovereign nation. I did so against the will of the United Nations, the
majority of U.S. citizens, and the world community.
I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and support a cut in duty
benefits for active duty troops and their families-in war time.
In my State of the Union Address, I lied about our reasons for attacking
Iraq, then blamed the lies on our British friends.
I am the first President in history to have a majority of Europeans (71%)
view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and security. I am
supporting development of a nuclear "Tactical Bunker Buster," a WMD.
I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring Osama Bin Laden and
Saddam Hussein to justice.
RECORDS AND REFERENCES:
All records of my tenure as governor of Texas are now in my father's
library, sealed and unavailable for public view. All records of SEC
investigations int o my insider trading and my bankrupt companies are
sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view. All records or minutes
from meetings that I, or my Vice-President, attended regarding public
energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review.
PLEASE CONSIDER MY EXPERIENCE WHEN VOTING IN 2004.
George W. Bush
The White House, USA
EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE:
LAW ENFORCEMENT:
I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine, in 1976 for driving under the
influence of alcohol. I pled guilty, paid a fine, and had my driver's
license suspended for 30 days. My Texas driving record has been "lost" and
is not available.
MILITARY:
I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL. I refused to take a
drug test or answer any questions about my drug use. By joining the Texas
Air National Guard, I was able to avoid combat duty in Vietnam.
COLLEGE:
I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. I was a cheerleader.
PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:
I ran for U.S. Congress and lost. I began my career in the oil business in
Midland, Texas, in 1975. I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil
in Texas. I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal
that took land using taxpayer money.
With the help of my father and our right-wing friends in the oil industry
(including Enron CEO Ken Lay), I was elected governor of Texas.
ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS:
I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil companies, making
Texas the most polluted state in the Union. During my tenure, Houston
replaced Los Angeles as the most smog-ridden city in America.
I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the tune of billions in
borrowed money. I set the record for the most executions by any governor in
American history.
With the help of my brother, the governor of Florida, and my father's
appointments to the Supreme Court, I became President after losing by over
500,000 votes.
ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:
I am the first President in U.S. history to enter office with a criminal
record. I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing cost of over
one billion dollars per week. I spent the U.S. surplus and eff! ectively
bankrupted the U.S. Treasury. I shattered the record for the largest annual
deficit in U.S. history. I set an economic record for most private
bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period. I set the all-time record for
most foreclosures in a 12-month period. I set the all-time record for the
biggest drop in the history of the U.S. stock market. In my first year in
office, over 2 million Americans lost their jobs and that trend continues
every month. I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of
any administration in U.S. history. My "poorest millionaire," Condoleeza
Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her. I set the record for most
campaign fund-raising trips by a U.S. President. I am the all-time U.S. and
world record-holder for receiving the most corporate campaign donations. My
largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of my best friends, Kenneth
Lay, presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in U.S. History,
Enron. My political party used Enron private jets and corporate attorneys
to assure my success with the U.S. Supreme Court during my election
decision. I have protected my friends a t Enron and Halliburton against
investigation or prosecution. More time and money was spent investigating
the Monica Lewinsky affair than has been spent investigating one of the
biggest corporate rip-offs in history. I presided over the biggest energy
crisis in U.S. history and refused to intervene when corruption involving
the oil industry was revealed. I presided over the highest gasoline prices
in U.S. history.
I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded
government contracts. I appointed more convicted criminals to
administration than any President in U.S. history. I created the Ministry
of Homeland Security, the largest bureaucracy in the history of the United
States government. I've broken more international treaties than any
President in U.S. history. I am the first President in U.S. history to have
the United Nations remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission. I
withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law. I refused to allow
inspectors access to U.S. "prisoners of war" detainees and thereby have
refused to abide by the Geneva Convention.
I am the first President in history to refuse United Nations election
inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. election). I set the record for fewest
number of press conferences of any President since the advent of
television. I set the all-time record for most days on vacation in any
one-year period. After taking off the entire month of August, I presided
over the worst security failure in U.S. history. I garnered the most
sympathy for the U.S. after the World Trade Center attacks and less than a
year later made the U.S. the most hated country in the world, the largest
failure of diplomacy in world history. I have set the all-time record for
most people worldwide to simultaneously protest me in public venues (15
million people), shattering the record for protest against any person in
the history of mankind. I am the first President in U.S. history to order
an unprovoked, pre-emptive attack and the military occupation of a
sovereign nation. I did so against the will of the United Nations, the
majority of U.S. citizens, and the world community.
I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and support a cut in duty
benefits for active duty troops and their families-in war time.
In my State of the Union Address, I lied about our reasons for attacking
Iraq, then blamed the lies on our British friends.
I am the first President in history to have a majority of Europeans (71%)
view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and security. I am
supporting development of a nuclear "Tactical Bunker Buster," a WMD.
I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring Osama Bin Laden and
Saddam Hussein to justice.
RECORDS AND REFERENCES:
All records of my tenure as governor of Texas are now in my father's
library, sealed and unavailable for public view. All records of SEC
investigations int o my insider trading and my bankrupt companies are
sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view. All records or minutes
from meetings that I, or my Vice-President, attended regarding public
energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review.
PLEASE CONSIDER MY EXPERIENCE WHEN VOTING IN 2004.