Dumbest house/dance sub genre

[Jolyon]

invented by the UK dance music press...

First prize has to go to Handbag House. Second prize to Hardbag House.

Any other classics?

[Dj Alex]

Trip Hop
Electroclash .

Peace Alex . :rolleyes:

[Nege]

Dadhouse
WTF is Dadhouse?
Broken Beat is even worse

[ March 31, 2003, 06:28 PM: Message edited by: Eneg ]

[suenomartino]

'lifestyle house' (fashion mohawks/torn denim/naked music)

'solarium house' (pretty similar to above, just with a better tan)

[DOTSmusic]

it seems like all the latest dance music cliches were made up in the UK or in California.

we call everything House out here in Chicago.
even country music is House out here.
if you don't believe me ask someone out here about Ram Jam's Black Betty.

[DJ CHRIS PURTELL]

"Laptop House" Thats what i call busted ass house tracks that mostly come from the west coast ....made on a laptop thru an 8th inch jack
,and sent out on a CD graemlins/jpshakehead.gif

[kelvy]

"funky house": lame! when certain records get pigeonholed with that category, you know that the funk is gone...

"hard disco": :eek: wtf???? i'm not making this up! i saw this subgenre mentioned at a website a few years back during the peak of the filtered disco craze...lame! lame!

"spiritual house": makes it sound like something to close your eyes, light a candle, and worship to instead of dancing...oops...there goes the funk...lame! lame! lame!

[kelvy]

Originally posted by suenomartino:
'lifestyle house' (fashion mohawks/torn denim/naked music)

sounds like the diddy type of crowd with the Versace shades and digs, goes through a lot of fashion shows, only listens to house at a lounge and can not be seen without a exotic drink...definetly far, far from the blue-collar, wage-scrounging, roller-rink crowd demographic...

[AD]

swing house, sexy house, and booty house.

[erd]

Other favorites of mine are in no particular order: click house, minimal house, vocal house, tribal house, tech house.

Peace,

Gerd

[ngeso]

anything carrying pseudo-avantgardist adjectives such as "intelligent" , "jazzy" (or "jazz"), "lounge", "Nouveau" (e.g. intelligent drum & bass, jazzy house, NuJazz).

ever since a legion of bored and anaemic headnodders with inflatory design degrees, coke habits and no ambitions of relevance discovered red leather sofas and Caipirinhas about 10 years ago, dance music has gone shit.

pretention is the disease that is going to usher proper dance music to its grave. and everybody is in on the game. too many producers are producing this kind of lameness and feeding the image - too many DJs 'wannabe' DJs by any means possible and thus perpetrate the reduction of dance music to a state, where the "dance" in dance music spells irrelevance.

look around you, you can see it everywhere. all dance genres of the last 15 years ended up in bars, lounges, galleries and on fashion runways with no dancing going on.

peace. ngeso.

[Martin Red]

I believe the names are invented by the fools for the fools

Anyone that has any sense ignores the bullshit and tries not to get dragged into it like some fool stepping out in Pink furry snow boots in mid summer.

It's either the media trying to invent a new craze, so they can say yeah we were writing about SPUNKY house last year before it took over Ibiza and became the most important thing since Deeley boppers.


Hard House ( which doesn’t sound much different to trance)

Progressive House (sounds like it was made 10 years ago)

Nu Jazz

Hard Step

Broken Beat

Two Step

Hard Disco (?) (anything with hard in front actually)

Funky house (“put the knife away Martin”)

Happy Hardcore ( do You see me ****ing smile when I hear that chipmunk shit)

Intelligent Drum and Bass ( They ask for your university diploma in the record shop ! ! ! why don’t they call the other stuff Stupid Drum and bass)

Epic or Sexy ?

Nu Step

Soulfull Garage (that’s like saying Wooden Tree)

UK Garage (Call it UK ragga cus that’s what that shit is)

Filtered House (Filter my coffee fool and leave the House alone)

Euphoric (you mean you have to take lots of cheap smack pills for it to sound goods)

Handbag House (someone give this person some counselling cus that handbag is crammed full of dog shit)

Trip Hop (hip hop for white skateboarders from the suburbs, they feel like they can get into Hip Hop now though, they can realate to Eminem and his dysfunctional parents, although they couldn’t relate to any hip hop before – Oh perhaps the Beastie Boys urrrrrrrrrrrm ! - basically – backing music for Playstation games)

Big Beat (backing music for playstaion games , no it has nothing to do with the classy U.S.A label )

Minimal _________ (you mean you couldn’t be bothered to finish it)

Gabba - Music for Skinheads to kick each other too in a neo nazi stylee.

Spoken Word ( it has words they are spoken , WOW !)

Balearic ________ ( but the music being played is from France Germany, UK, Belgium, Italy and U.S , how many records are produced in Ibiza….. just cus it it is played their isn’t enough reason)

Goa trance (again , this music is produced in Germany and played to a few old hippies don’t make it anything different to German Trance - If I play Cajun music it doesn’t make it UK Cajun now does it)

to name a few....

[ April 01, 2003, 06:42 AM: Message edited by: Martin Red ]

[martin]

UK Garage. The funniest thing is seeing the reaction of UK Garage Heads when you tell them that the name is in fact a reference to a gay club!

[Placid]

wendy house....

[ngeso]

Soulfull Garage (that’s like saying Wooden Tree)

Minimal _________ (you mean you couldn’t be bothered to finish it)[/QB]werd! overdue truth...

[sammyrock]

Speed Garage(made me go out and buy a bag of herione and cocaine)+ Gabber(WTF is that! 160-300 bmps),Im not kiding,and Vampire House(Walter M Jones can back me up on that one.(Only in New Oreleans).. graemlins/all_coholic.gif

[Martin Red]

Originally posted by sammyrock:
Speed Garage(made me go out and buy a bag of herione and cocaine)+ Gabber(WTF is that! 160-300 bmps),Im not kiding,and Vampire House(Walter M Jones can back me up on that one.(Only in New Oreleans).. graemlins/all_coholic.gif Speed Garage, forgot that one, created by an American, term invented by the UK press cus it had a modulated aslightly different modulated bassline, silly.

[RX]

"anything carrying pseudo-avantgardist adjectives such as "intelligent" , "jazzy" (or "jazz"), "lounge", "Nouveau" (e.g. intelligent drum & bass, jazzy house, NuJazz).

ever since a legion of bored and anaemic headnodders with inflatory design degrees, coke habits and no ambitions of relevance discovered red leather sofas and Caipirinhas about 10 years ago, dance music has gone shit.

pretention is the disease that is going to usher proper dance music to its grave. and everybody is in on the game. too many producers are producing this kind of lameness and feeding the image - too many DJs 'wannabe' DJs by any means possible and thus perpetrate the reduction of dance music to a state, where the "dance" in dance music spells irrelevance.

look around you, you can see it everywhere. all dance genres of the last 15 years ended up in bars, lounges, galleries and on fashion runways with no dancing going on.

peace. ngeso."

that was refreshingly hilarious and on-point... graemlins/acclaim.gif


CLUB...what the fukkk is "club"? not trying to step on toes, i'm just not getting it...

ELECTRONIC...ALL proper "house" started as electro-sounding...this term means that "land of confusion" and "it's house" is electronic...ok.

look, either the damn music is house, disco, a steppers cut or funk - take your pick...

[MC]

Worst/Dumbest:

Drum and Bass
Trip Hop
Screw (Sounds like it's been slowed down)
Techno Bass

[floorgasm]

i agree with the handbag house point, but i list my style as funky house and you can be sure to have a full-frontal funky assed floorgasm when i'm on the wheels.

i also don't mind the term speed garage, even tho many many people get all wound up when they hear someone say it. to me, it's obviously different from 2-step/uk garage and in a category of its own.

proceed to flame...

[Mocambo]

Originally posted by Michael J. Carmona:
Worst/Dumbest:

Screw (Sounds like it's been slowed down)
That crap is awful man! A young cat I know, went to Texas and brought back a mixtape. Every popular radio rap pitched all the way down.

[Sharp Eye Washington]

I'd like to put all these genres into a sack, borrow a baseball bat from Jason Giambi & commence to wacking!

[Dr. Freud]

Deep tech house
Tech trance

And, thanks to Mark Farina, Mushroom Jazz is now being considered a genre.

[ April 01, 2003, 12:52 PM: Message edited by: Dr. Freud ]