Interracial Relationships

**Koffy Brown** · 02-20-2003, 10:34 AM

Before I begin this topic I will say this so that no one gets the wrong idea about me, but it’s important for anyone who want to get to know me to understand, that I have a tremendous amount of love and respect for my people, my ancestors and my history, that is why I have a difficult time with interracial relationship. I always have and at the age of 32 year 2003 I still do. Even more now than before because it’s like it’s becoming an epidemic. I do believe that love has no color, but it’s almost like brothers are intentionally seeking the love and companionship of women other than Black women. And I’m going to be truthful, IT HURTS. Not only does it hurt us emotionally but psychologically. When I examine the state of our communities and our families, I feel like how dare you, abandon us. What is wrong? What is going on? What are we doing or not doing? This is something I think is serious. There are far too many beautiful, hard working, loving and caring single Black women, and the sad part is that many are not marrying or pro-creating. Before I continue to rant what are some of your thoughts and feelings.

**Bill Blake** · 02-20-2003, 10:39 AM

Do you think the world owes you a black man?

**Koffy Brown** · 02-20-2003, 10:40 AM

Originally posted by Jamie Lennox:
Do you think the world owes you a black man?

The world owes me nothing, but do I think that black men should have some obligation to their families, communities and Black women you are damn right.

**GROOVE VICTIM** · 02-20-2003, 10:40 AM

It depends on your environment IMO. I know living out in California, hanging out in cities like Oakland, San Francisco, LA and San Diego, interracial dating is the norm and you don't discuss it or even think about it. Down here where I live now, it's a totally different time and place. It's so "BLACK and WHITE" down here that you'd think you were dreaming. You have a few couples here and there but these relationships are more or less on the Downlow. I know growing up in the North East, it wasn't a real issue if I or a friend of mine dated a White girl, but it was more accepted to date a Puerto Rican sista rather than a White girl.

This can turn out to be some very interesting dialogue.

Peace

**Jamie 3:26** · 02-20-2003, 10:40 AM

Before I start,do not be offended by what I am going to say.I see both sides of the coins.

Most of the brothers who do go out and get with a white girl,they do it because some sisters can be cruel and superficial.

Think about the homily guy who the sisters gave no play to.He doesnt drive a fancy car,dresses down and is a quiet almost nerdy kind of guy.He may even be the most attractive guy.

He is ignored by the sisters or even dissed.He meets Becky,who just likes him for him.The brother is loved by this women for him.This inspires the brother to even do better,he becomes succesful.

Now the sisters are mad and talking shit.Calling him a sell-out and so forth.Where were you when this brother was ugly and a geek and was not worth your time?

I really want to get into this,but will have to come back on this,because there are a lot of issues that will come out on the surface on this.....

**'Magic' Juan** · 02-20-2003, 10:43 AM

Perhaps it seems that more Black men are seeking to date outside their race because you are focusing on 'seeking out' people who are doing so. I have absolutely no problem with anyone involved in an interracial relationship and anyone who knows me outside of this board knows I have done so in the past and continue to do so. I think that the problem of interracial dating lies in 2 things: a) you date outside of your race because you hate your own, b) you date someone outside of your race to, in vague terms, "get props" from your peers. If you can find true love with another person who is a different race or even gender, then so be it. All I can say to you is do not knock it until you have tried it.

When dating,I was able to develop healthy and meaningful relationships with that person and where they were from was never an issue. I have heard my share of comments and have gotten those "looks" by people of different races, but especially mine. My race is waaaaaaay behind in being open minded to interracial dating, but I don't care what they think about me or what I do. You are very much entitled to your opinion and choices. For the record, I do not feel you are a racist or even prejudiced. Best of luck to you.

magic_juan

[ February 20, 2003, 10:46 AM: Message edited by: magic_juan ]

**Koffy Brown** · 02-20-2003, 10:44 AM

Originally posted by JAMIE 3:26:
Before I start,do not be offended by what I am going to say.I see both sides of the coins.

Most of the brothers who do go out and get with a white girl,they do it because some sisters can be cruel and superficial.

Think about the homily guy who the sisters gave no play to.He doesnt drive a fancy car,dresses down and is a quiet almost nerdy kind of guy.He may even be the most attractive guy.

He is ignored by the sisters or even dissed.He meets Becky,who just likes him for him.The brother is loved by this women for him.This inspires the brother to even do better,he becomes succesful.

Now the sisters are mad and talking shit.Calling him a sell-out and so forth.Where were you when this brother was ugly and a geek and was not worth your time?

I really want to get into this,but will have to come back on this,because there are a lot of issues that will come out on the surface on this.....

I knew we were going to go here Jamie and brotha my skin is not thin, so I would appreciate the truth from you all on this topic...

JAMIE...THINK ABOUT HOW MANY SISTA'S HAVE BEEN DOGGED TIME AND TIME AGAIN BY BLACK MEN...come on brotha, I can't go for that one anymore...that is the tired excuse, we have been dogged time and time again by each other, but Black women continue to remain loyal to Black men, and alot of us ask ourselves why? We just are loyal to our men, our sons, our fathers and we could very well be missing out on some true love. But it's just like that...

**blackwax** · 02-20-2003, 10:46 AM

Love no's no colour

Thats it!!!!!!!

**Ronnie Ron** · 02-20-2003, 10:48 AM

I was just reading an article in Ebony Magezine while getting an oil change on my car and it was about interacial dating, In my opinion i dont see any African American Women beating down my door to be with me. So i will probably pick the first person that finds interest in me regardless of color. I would like to be with a African American women but in my opinion they do not seem to be interested in me or what i have to offer. Maybe its the geographical area i am in (NJ), In my opinion southern African American women are very kind and have less of an attitude and dont seem to be so Materialistic in General. If i were in the south it would probably not be such a struggle dating and finding good African American women. The first one that comes at me with a good attitude will be the one i choose i dont care if she is green as long as she is nice and has a cute butt. [img]graemlins/acclaim.gif[/img]

**blackwax** · 02-20-2003, 10:52 AM

cute butt [img]graemlins/lol.gif[/img]

**GROOVE VICTIM** · 02-20-2003, 10:53 AM

Jamie does bring up a good point but I do believe that it's your responsiblity to attract a women you would prefer to be with, and that precipicates to the women too.

I'm no Shamar Moore, but I ain't Shabba Ranks either. By that comment, it's my responsibility to look for that sista who is not into the "bling bling" mentality, who likes to talk about culture, politics, music, food, etc. Unfortunately I have dig a little deeper in the sea because this MTV, BET generation has really screwed up alot of people's ways of thinking in regards to Black people and Black culture. But don't get mad at us when we're dating Sandy. Feel free to walk up to the brotha and ask (if he's willing to discuss) he's dating this particular person, then ask yourself, am I attracting the right man for my needs.

Peace

**martin** · 02-20-2003, 10:55 AM

Ashaki you say it hurts 'us' - do you think that it also hurts the white girl, or whatever race she may be?

It's hard enough to find a soulmate or real love in this life. When you do why should race put obstacles in it's way?

My wife is of a different race to me - and my children are mixed race. Ashaki surely what someone else does in their life has no effect on you. If you don't want a mixed race relationship then don't have one. But it works for me, and I couldn't care less what anyone of my race, my wife's race or any other race thinks about it because it has nothing to do with them how I live my life.

**SHEIK YERBOUTI** · 02-20-2003, 10:58 AM

When Black women say they've been dogged by Black men, that only makes sense. But by the same token, white women have been dogged by white men, Latinas by Latinos, so forth, so on. I'm not dowplaying what you say, cause being a man I see lil ray's side, but I have enough respect for women to understand their frustration when they feel like they're always getting the short end. I'm just not the type to wanna dog someone.

But think of it this way, why don't YOU try interracial dating? You can still be just as much a black women if the one you love isn't Black. I used to get upset when I saw interracial couples, then I realized you have to make yourself happy first.

You can't save the world if you don't save yourself.

[ February 20, 2003, 11:01 AM: Message edited by: toomuchtv ]

**Koffy Brown** · 02-20-2003, 10:58 AM

Originally posted by RonnieRon:
I was just reading an article in Ebony Magezine while getting an oil change on my car and it was about interacial dating, In my opinion i dont see any African American Women beating down my door to be with me. So i will probably pick the first person that finds interest in me regardless of color. I would like to be with a African American women but in my opinion they do not seem to be interested in me or what i have to offer. Maybe its the geographical area i am in (NJ), In my opinion southern African American women are very kind and have less of an attitude and dont seem to be so Materialistic in General. If i were in the south it would probably not be such a struggle dating and finding good African American women. The first one that comes at me with a good attitude will be the one i choose i dont care if she is green as long as she is nice and has a cute butt. [img]graemlins/acclaim.gif[/img]

So after you've met a few sista's with bad attitudes, do you move on to white women or other?

**Ronnie Ron** · 02-20-2003, 10:59 AM

Originally posted by Ashaki:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Jamie Lennox:
Do you think the world owes you a black man?

The world owes me nothing, but do I think that black men should have some obligation to their families, communities and Black women you are damn right.[/QUOTE]Ashaki, I here ya, but what do you when time after time, after time, after time, you are turned down shunned looked down upon and just plain over looked no one wants to be lonely. you pick who is interested in you. and believe me I aint no Shabba Ranks either. I say date who is interested in you. Hell if i wait for a black woman ill be 50 years old and still single. Im goin for who wants me Color does not matter when you have been what i have been through.

**konbit** · 02-20-2003, 10:59 AM

Love knows no color.

Last time this topic came up, in went on for pages...maybe we should just visit the archives to save ourselves the arguments that will probably ensue.

**Bill Blake** · 02-20-2003, 10:59 AM

Originally posted by Ashaki:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Jamie Lennox:
Do you think the world owes you a black man?

The world owes me nothing, but do I think that black men should have some obligation to their families, communities and Black women you are damn right.[/QUOTE]So it was wrong for them to be slaves to the white man but slaves to their communities families and black women...thats Ok?

Just what 'obligation' do they have to you?

**ngeso** · 02-20-2003, 10:59 AM

i'm the product of an interracial marriage, and i live in an interracial relationship.

doubting the validity of interracial relationships amounts to questioning my very existence.

i'll be monitoring this one carefully, my friends.

peace. ngeso.

**Koffy Brown** · 02-20-2003, 11:02 AM

Originally posted by martin s:
Ashaki you say it hurts 'us' - do you think that it also hurts the white girl, or whatever race she may be?

It's hard enough to find a soulmate or real love in this life. When you do why should race put obstacles in it's way?

My wife is of a different race to me - and my children are mixed race. Ashaki surely what someone else does in their life has no effect on you. If you don't want a mixed race relationship then don't have one. But it works for me, and I couldn't care less what anyone of my race, my wife's race or any other race thinks about it because it has nothing to do with them how I live my life.

I do not want anyone to take this personal. I am fully aware that not every Black man will marry a Black woman and so on and so forth. I am not angry I am simply a Black woman who believes that interracial dating has become a problem within the Black community. This is not a personal attack. I want to know why brothers are looking for love else where.

**Wild i** · 02-20-2003, 11:02 AM

I'm very fortunate to be living my multicultural dream. Right now Black, White and Latina are represented in my household, as are gay and straight (notice I did not capitalize gay and straight [img]graemlins/rofl.gif[/img] )

I have dated around the spectrum and I have known others who have done so. I would agree that the big problem of dating outside one's race comes in when it it because one refuses to date within the race (Whoopi Goldberg) which smacks of self hate. I am not threatened by seeing a Black man with a White woman, but then again I am not generally threatened by anyone else's relationship. I don't assume when I see such a pairing that the man thinks less of sisters. I tend to assume that he really likes pink.

The only inner conflict I suffer from in this arena is being torn between my love of the great melting pot vs the preservation of cultural uniqueness. I guess it's a balancing act.

**Ronnie Ron** · 02-20-2003, 11:03 AM

Originally posted by Ashaki:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by RonnieRon:
I was just reading an article in Ebony Magezine while getting an oil change on my car and it was about interacial dating, In my opinion i dont see any African American Women beating down my door to be with me. So i will probably pick the first person that finds interest in me regardless of color. I would like to be with a African American women but in my opinion they do not seem to be interested in me or what i have to offer. Maybe its the geographical area i am in (NJ), In my opinion southern African American women are very kind and have less of an attitude and dont seem to be so Materialistic in General. If i were in the south it would probably not be such a struggle dating and finding good African American women. The first one that comes at me with a good attitude will be the one i choose i dont care if she is green as long as she is nice and has a cute butt. [img]graemlins/acclaim.gif[/img]

So after you've met a few sista's with bad attitudes, do you move on to white women or other?[/QUOTE]No im not out hunting for white women or latino women, actually its been a while for me so my attitude is pretty shakey, I actually go about my daily business and i dont worry about who i meet. Those worries are long gone for me, I have to live my life no matter who is in it. When its the right time im sure that person will step forward and we will vibe, until then i keep it movin and do my thing. But i must say this the first person that is interested in me and we have chemistry and an attraction im going for it, i have been alone to long to pass a good situation up.

**Skip Intro** · 02-20-2003, 11:05 AM

I am a 30 year old white guy and have had more relationships with black women than white. My most meaningful relationships were with black women. My daughter's mother is black. I hate stereotypes but my experiences with white women were very difficult. I am an artist and they always were preoccupied with my goals, finacially and how I could provide for them and never really cared about the essence of the love. And then there was always the issue of what their parents would think since I wasn't really preppy or fit the mold. I will say this though. I got dirty looks from both black and white walking around as a couple. But when you have a kid it changes everything like suddenly the relationship is legitimate or something. This, I think, is ****ed because alot of people see an interracial couple an assume it's all about the sex. I couldn't care less if people have a problem with it. Exactly, "love has no color."

**konbit** · 02-20-2003, 11:06 AM

I think that the real question is:

Why aren't more black and Latina women dating white guys (hint, hint) ;) :D

**larry rauson** · 02-20-2003, 11:06 AM

[][/QUOTE]So it was wrong for them to be slaves to the white man but slaves to their communities families and black women...thats Ok?

Just what 'obligation' do they have to you?[/QB][/QUOTE]

Societal dictates, Mr Lennox, just as in other cultures, your catholic,marry catholic, you chinese,(esp women), you marry chinese, the obligation may only be perception based on cultural time, not factual, but real none the less. More later, as my thoughts solidify

Larry

**Bill Blake** · 02-20-2003, 11:06 AM

Originally posted by Ashaki:
I am not angry I am simply a Black woman who believes that interracial dating has become a problem within the Black community. This is not a personal attack. I want to know why brothers are looking for love else where.

Who are you to speak for the ‘black community’?

Maybe the problem is your view on interracial relationships.

Seem to me like your problems are personal, and yet you project that shit to the whole 'black community'.

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