Interracial Relationships

[messiah]

As the great GU produced, "Look Inside Yourself"

[Nicholas]

What about white and black DJs dating asians?

[Friday]

Originally posted by Ashaki:
Come on guys/gals friends and foes, no more love yourself posts...we got that covered...

Now this next statement is personal...

I feel like the more I try to ignore this whole inter-racial dating thing, white women seem to be rubbing this shit in my face...and I'm going to say mine and my on this women because I could just be acting a lil paranoid...

*sigh* the exterior will always displease you.

[LEONARD REMIX RROY]

Serge is a goonybird [img]graemlins/tongueout.gif[/img]
[img]graemlins/lol.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/lol.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/lol.gif[/img]

[Drrtynewyork]

Originally posted by Nicholas:
What about white and black DJs dating asians?

ah ya i love japanese mmmmmmmm [img]smokin.gif[/img]

[LEONARD REMIX RROY]

Originally posted by girlfriday:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Ashaki:
Come on guys/gals friends and foes, no more love yourself posts...we got that covered...

Now this next statement is personal...

I feel like the more I try to ignore this whole inter-racial dating thing, white women seem to be rubbing this shit in my face...and I'm going to say mine and my on this women because I could just be acting a lil paranoid...

*sigh* the exterior will always displease you.</font>[/QUOTE]You have a quality in your voice that I could never get used to or, tired of hearing [img]graemlins/1luvu.gif[/img]

[Koffy Brown]

Originally posted by Leslie:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by TAC:


I don't know where you are in the nation, but have you tried vacationing on MV during the summer for a spell. Lots of eligible brothers up there in the summer months.

Peace
TAC

My girl met her husband up there 2 years ago - Labor Day weekend..

There are a million places to meet eligible black men - warning - they may not like house (a personal deal breaker for me, if you can't deal with shaking yo ass up in the Shelter every once in a while (or understand why I need to go to get my thang worked out) - keep that shit moving too...)[/QB]</font>[/QUOTE]keep it movin... [img]graemlins/rofl.gif[/img]

[manfred]

we're all conditioned to love the oppressor. [img]graemlins/1luvu.gif[/img]

[TAC]

Originally posted by Leslie:
My girl met her husband up there 2 years ago - Labor Day weekend..

There are a million places to meet eligible black men - warning - they may not like house (a personal deal breaker for me, if you can't deal with...or understand why I need to go to get my thang worked out)

Leslie, but then again, they might like House. You'll be surprised how many people just don't know that it still exists.

Also, it okay. I understand that women need to get their things worked out. Its okay for you to say it.

[Leslie]

Originally posted by TAC:
Also, it okay. I understand that women need to get their things worked out. Its okay for you to say it.[/QB]

[img]graemlins/rofl.gif[/img] I cannot stand you! LOL!!

Good thread people, very worthy for Best Of status!! [img]graemlins/acclaim.gif[/img]

[Mocambo]

Originally posted by Leslie:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by TAC:
Also, it okay. I understand that women need to get their things worked out. Its okay for you to say it.

[img]graemlins/rofl.gif[/img] I cannot stand you! LOL!!

Good thread people, very worthy for Best Of status!! [img]graemlins/acclaim.gif[/img] [/QB]</font>[/QUOTE]This thread is worthy.

[TurntableSoul]

Ok, this is way more of a post than needed but hey, what the hell.

I think some of the points Ashaki originally raised are valid. I don’t agree with the larger framework in which she presents it (i.e. interracial dating being a “problem” in the black community or for black women) but she raises some very real facts. Namely that many black women - our mothers, sisters, aunts, friends, and colleagues do not have men in their lives. Black women are by no means the only ones who suffer from the age old lament of “finding a good man”. But I think there are some larger factors that influence African American men and women in general that contribute to why Ashaki feels the way she does. Here are my humble points of view:

1) In all honesty, black women’s dating pool is pretty small. Unfortunately, we brothas have a lot of collective catching up to do as far as stepping up to plate and getting our educational and career priorities in order, especially as we move more and more towards a technology and information based society. And particularly for the MTV, BET, hip hop generation, we are losing a lot of brothas to the thugged out, bling bling, wanna-be-a-player mentality that we have adopted for ourselves and are incessantly reinforced by the media. In my opinion, that mentality/persona has had a definite effect on how we view, value, respect, and treat our women. So if you’re a black woman who is professional, successful, and looking for a black man of a similar background. Your dating pool, unfortunately, becomes even smaller.

2) Black women have their own crap too. I think black women are as equally affected by this negative mentality by allowing themselves to fall short, act up, and not demand better for themselves and especially from men. Or on the flip side, some sisters require brothas to have it SO together (financially, physically, emotionally, etc.) that your ideal man becomes unattainable. Hell, relationships are hard enough without bringing so many requirements, restrictions, drama, or the weight of the entire black nation and whether black men are dating black women on top of it.

3) As far as interracial dating itself, I agree with what has already been said. As long as your motives aren’t based out of some kind of internalized self hate or the desire to “better” yourself, than who cares. I’m attracted to and have dated all kinds - Black, Latin, Spanish, Middle Eastern, and White. If you’ve been fortunate enough to travel around the US, and especially internationally, you know that there’s a HUGE range of people out there. And I personally think it’s rather limiting to confine yourself to only date within your own race when quality relationships in general are so hard to come by. But I certainly respect people’s decision to date whomever they wish as I hope they respect mine. Fundamentally, if you can find a person who treats you right and sincerely puts forth an effort to enter in a relationship with you, no matter what their racial or ethnic background is, you’re doing better then most. I think if we focused less on the many unnecessary qualifiers that we place on dating - be it race, money, looks, whatever, you increase your chances of finding that person who will be right for you.

[Koffy Brown]

Originally posted by konbit:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Leslie:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by konbit:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Ashaki:
Konbit,
I went on a date with a white man once. I could not enjoy myself because of extreme guilt feelings. I do look for love and a caring companion, but for me true love can only be experienced with a black man. I need a man to understand that we have work to do and not just with us (he and I)...

Well, at least you gave it a try. ;) Good luck in your continuing search...may you find the one!
</font>[/QUOTE]Konbit - I think alot of white men or men of other races are scared to ask black women out....I don't think as many black women realize how many men of other races are looking at them because we are socialized to believe our looks are not desireable.....can I get a nickle for every time I have caught a man of another race checking me out on the train, at a bar, etc but he won't for whatever reason come over and say anything.....</font>[/QUOTE]That's interesting...because I know ALOT of guys on the paler side of the color spectrum who are VERY attracted to black women. Honestly, I think most of them are too intimidated to make moves. (though, most guys I know are too intimidated of ALL women to usually make moves....except Matthew J, who has no problems hitting on women of all shades at all times!)</font>[/QUOTE]why?

[Koffy Brown]

Originally posted by TurntableSoul:
Ok, this is way more of a post than needed but hey, what the hell.

I think some of the points Ashaki originally raised are valid. I don’t agree with the larger framework in which she presents it (i.e. interracial dating being a “problem” in the black community or for black women) but she raises some very real facts. Namely that many black women - our mothers, sisters, aunts, friends, and colleagues do not have men in their lives. Black women are by no means the only ones who suffer from the age old lament of “finding a good man”. But I think there are some larger factors that influence African American men and women in general that contribute to why Ashaki feels the way she does. Here are my humble points of view:

1) In all honesty, black women’s dating pool is pretty small. Unfortunately, we brothas have a lot of collective catching up to do as far as stepping up to plate and getting our educational and career priorities in order, especially as we move more and more towards a technology and information based society. And particularly for the MTV, BET, hip hop generation, we are losing a lot of brothas to the thugged out, bling bling, wanna-be-a-player mentality that we have adopted for ourselves and are incessantly reinforced by the media. In my opinion, that mentality/persona has had a definite effect on how we view, value, respect, and treat our women. So if you’re a black woman who is professional, successful, and looking for a black man of a similar background. Your dating pool, unfortunately, becomes even smaller.

2) Black women have their own crap too. I think black women are as equally affected by this negative mentality by allowing themselves to fall short, act up, and not demand better for themselves and especially from men. Or on the flip side, some sisters require brothas to have it SO together (financially, physically, emotionally, etc.) that your ideal man becomes unattainable. Hell, relationships are hard enough without bringing so many requirements, restrictions, drama, or the weight of the entire black nation and whether black men are dating black women on top of it.

3) As far as interracial dating itself, I agree with what has already been said. As long as your motives aren’t based out of some kind of internalized self hate or the desire to “better” yourself, than who cares. I’m attracted to and have dated all kinds - Black, Latin, Spanish, Middle Eastern, and White. If you’ve been fortunate enough to travel around the US, and especially internationally, you know that there’s a HUGE range of people out there. And I personally think it’s rather limiting to confine yourself to only date within your own race when quality relationships in general are so hard to come by. But I certainly respect people’s decision to date whomever they wish as I hope they respect mine. Fundamentally, if you can find a person who treats you right and sincerely puts forth an effort to enter in a relationship with you, no matter what their racial or ethnic background is, you’re doing better then most. I think if we focused less on the many unnecessary qualifiers that we place on dating - be it race, money, looks, whatever, you increase your chances of finding that person who will be right for you.

although this wasn't the fight the power, black love post it had potential to be...just kidding..great post...thanks alot...

[Alanda Marquette from DiscoLadyLand]

Originally posted by JAMIE 3:26:
Before I start,do not be offended by what I am going to say.I see both sides of the coins.

Most of the brothers who do go out and get with a white girl,they do it because some sisters can be cruel and superficial.

Think about the homily guy who the sisters gave no play to.He doesnt drive a fancy car,dresses down and is a quiet almost nerdy kind of guy.He may even be the most attractive guy.

He is ignored by the sisters or even dissed.He meets Becky,who just likes him for him.The brother is loved by this women for him.This inspires the brother to even do better,he becomes succesful.

Now the sisters are mad and talking shit.Calling him a sell-out and so forth.Where were you when this brother was ugly and a geek and was not worth your time?

I really want to get into this,but will have to come back on this,because there are a lot of issues that will come out on the surface on this.....

I am in total agreement with you Jamie. Because on both sides they are the people that neither races wanted to embrace. So they found love in each other. Think about it, how many of those geeks are actually with a powerful white woman, such as a Kennedy or a Bush? Or how many of these white women are with a powerful black man, that is fine and is a catch all away around?

I do not get angry with the interracial thing, I am not threaten by it. To each its own. I guess my downfall is that I am too confident of myself that never crossed my mind to be upset that a "white woman" want one of our black men. SO?! What is the big deal?

There are many men out there that want a wonderful woman. Sometimes we are so wrapped up in ourselves and carry too much baggage around that most men (period) don't want to be bothered. Yes some of us black women are drama queens and can carry on too much of our past and it get in the way of moving forward in a solid relationship. I am cannot speak for other women of other races but I know how we are and how we have been raised to be the stronger sex because "black men ain't shit" syndrome.

Instead of breaking down a black man let's build them up, rather if they are ugly, poor, stupid, criminal, etc. So if these men go outside their race, love them anyway, black men have it hard enough from other folk to keep getting kicked in the ass from the strong black women.

Go ahead sistas cuss me all you want but somebody had to say it. ;)

[Koffy Brown]

Originally posted by DiscoLady:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by JAMIE 3:26:
Before I start,do not be offended by what I am going to say.I see both sides of the coins.

Most of the brothers who do go out and get with a white girl,they do it because some sisters can be cruel and superficial.

Think about the homily guy who the sisters gave no play to.He doesnt drive a fancy car,dresses down and is a quiet almost nerdy kind of guy.He may even be the most attractive guy.

He is ignored by the sisters or even dissed.He meets Becky,who just likes him for him.The brother is loved by this women for him.This inspires the brother to even do better,he becomes succesful.

Now the sisters are mad and talking shit.Calling him a sell-out and so forth.Where were you when this brother was ugly and a geek and was not worth your time?

I really want to get into this,but will have to come back on this,because there are a lot of issues that will come out on the surface on this.....

I am in total agreement with you Jamie. Because on both sides they are the people that neither races wanted to embrace. So they found love in each other. Think about it, how many of those geeks are actually with a powerful white woman, such as a Kennedy or a Bush? Or how many of these white women are with a powerful black man, that is fine and is a catch all away around?

I do not get angry with the interracial thing, I am not threaten by it. To each its own. I guess my downfall is that I am too confident of myself that never crossed my mind to be upset that a "white woman" want one of our black men. SO?! What is the big deal?

There are many men out there that want a wonderful woman. Sometimes we are so wrapped up in ourselves and carry too much baggage around that most men (period) don't want to be bothered. Yes some of us black women are drama queens and can carry on too much of our past and it get in the way of moving forward in a solid relationship. I am cannot speak for other women of other races but I know how we are and how we have been raised to be the stronger sex because "black men ain't shit" syndrome.

Instead of breaking down a black man let's build them up, rather if they are ugly, poor, stupid, criminal, etc. So if these men go outside their race, love them anyway, black men have it hard enough from other folk to keep getting kicked in the ass from the strong black women.

Go ahead sistas cuss me all you want but somebody had to say it. ;) </font>[/QUOTE]Disco I agree with you...we need to build up each other...it works both ways...

I'm just saying I am tired of brothers using the "excuse" that they date other than Black women because of a bad experience. If that's the case we would all be dating other than..but I do agree with what you said...
no cussing out from me...

[Alanda Marquette from DiscoLadyLand]

Yes Ashaki, We do need to build each other up. But as a woman and being the more emotional it is easier to open that door. Men have egos and don't like having them crushed too many times. They do not know when to open up to us or how. Women can be built up but we need to know when to put our guard down and trust our hearts, not our lusts. Two different things. Also once we stop looking for a soul mate, baby daddy, and husband we could actually have all of those in a best friend.

We must know one another in order to feel one another.

[konbit]

Originally posted by Ashaki:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by konbit:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Leslie:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by konbit:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Ashaki:
Konbit,
I went on a date with a white man once. I could not enjoy myself because of extreme guilt feelings. I do look for love and a caring companion, but for me true love can only be experienced with a black man. I need a man to understand that we have work to do and not just with us (he and I)...

Well, at least you gave it a try. ;) Good luck in your continuing search...may you find the one!
</font>[/QUOTE]Konbit - I think alot of white men or men of other races are scared to ask black women out....I don't think as many black women realize how many men of other races are looking at them because we are socialized to believe our looks are not desireable.....can I get a nickle for every time I have caught a man of another race checking me out on the train, at a bar, etc but he won't for whatever reason come over and say anything.....</font>[/QUOTE]That's interesting...because I know ALOT of guys on the paler side of the color spectrum who are VERY attracted to black women. Honestly, I think most of them are too intimidated to make moves. (though, most guys I know are too intimidated of ALL women to usually make moves....except Matthew J, who has no problems hitting on women of all shades at all times!)</font>[/QUOTE]why?</font>[/QUOTE]i think a lot of women make themselves very unaproachable...

though this is probably because they have had to deal with so many sleazy, catcalling men...

[Friday]

Originally posted by DiscoLady:
Also once we stop looking for a soul mate, baby daddy, and husband we could actually have all of those in a best friend.

Best thing I heard all day [img]smokin.gif[/img]

[djmarbll]

Originally posted by kenspank:
while a pre-teen and a teenager, i confess i dated some white girls and some latinas. white girls families weren't really feelin me. my mother wasn't really feelin me dating white girls so she proceeded to make my life into a living hades.
the latinas' families weren't really feelin me either. latinos don't really get along with each other and they sure as hell don't like to acknowledge the black latino presence in the domincan republic, puerto rico, colombia, venezuela, costa rica, mexico, peru, brazil and elsewhere.
needless to say i gave up on that shit.

i started a mission to save the nap.

the nap is an endangered species. only black people have nappy hair. many of us hate it because its not as straight as our caucasian brothers' and sisters' hair and its definitely not as straight as asian people's hair. so we heat treat our hair and chemically treat our hair to straighten it.
meanwhile, caucasians have gotten perms just so they could sport afros and japanese build expensive machines so they develop dread locks.

with all of this intercultural dating, people seem to be missing something.....they are also mixing up the gene pool.

for instance, bob marley's father was irish and his mother was black. only white people get melanoma. guess what? bob marley's father passed on that melanoma ass gene to bob marley and bob was outta there (may he rest in peace).

nevertheless, colored people tend to mate with fairer skinned people because they believe that their fairer skinned offspring will be able to acheive more success.

needless to say, i think that's a bunch of hogwash. i believe that dark skin, nappy hair and big boodies are all highly cultivated genetic tools that aid in human survival in this earth environment.

i understand that many don't agree with me. some think that being born black is a handicap. not me. i'm glad to have the opportunity to pass on the nap to my offspring. you should be glad too.

save the nap!

RIGHT ON KEN!!! [img]graemlins/OLA.gif[/img]

[Fletch]

Originally posted by konbit:
[/qb]

i think a lot of women make themselves very unaproachable...

though this is probably because they have had to deal with so many sleazy, catcalling men...[/QB][/QUOTE]

I have, in the last year, started to approach women, on the subway going to work, or wherever, and just compliment them. I do it with respect, though. I may say to a woman, "Pardon me, but your look lovely", or "nice shoes" (yes, I have a shoe fetish). Most women have been receptive to it, and give thanks for the comments. I always respond with "excuse me for taking up your time".

I always try to feel out the vibe. If she is open to a conversation and she converses further, then we have a good dialogue. If she gives the impression that she doesn't want to be bothered, I will say nothing further, wait till my subway stop comes, get off, and proceed to work. I have tried to leave a positive impression. I have been told that a positive comment not only may make someone's day, but change someone's life for the better. I hope that in my travels, I have done that. Peace.

[djmarbll]

Originally posted by DOUG GOMEZ:
with so many beautiful women in this melting pot, how can we stick to only one race!!?? [img]graemlins/1luvu.gif[/img]

I agree. I'm an equal-opprtunity lover. Beauty doesn't come in just one package, it's just that the norms have become more open when it comes to interracial dating. However, the "Love has no color" statement only applies if you love your partner from another race. We're talking about dating, not love. My father is married to a white woman (one of the sweetest women I know) and I have no problem with that. I just dated a white woman a couple days ago and we had a great time. But I think Ashaki's views stem from the extremely volatile race relations that have existed in America since Columbus came here in 1492. Love has no color, but neither does ignorance.

[SuzanneT]

Ok, I know Im going to piss some people off, especially some of my sistas but here it goes:

Im not hurt when Black men date outside the race, My hope is that people find true happiness wherever it lies. Men date whoever makes them feel good about themselves and some sistas (if the shoe fits wear it) just aint doing their jobs. I am so tired of hearing women place all the blame for our men dating outside the race on the men. Alot of black women need to look in the mirror and ask themselves "When I expect a man to have an Escalade, a house, Prada shoes and Armani suits, what exactly am I bringing to the table for him?" You can't think "All I need to do is look good and sling some of this good pussy on him and he's all mine" Pussy is a dime a dozen!!!
Brains, love, support, and the ability to keep your man's spirit uplifted and the ability to be self sufficient are invaluable assets men like to see FIRST in a woman. NOT can he pay to get my nails done, my hair done, pay my rent, yada yada yada... Nobody wants to feel like somebody else only looks at them for whats in their wallets. Too many good men are left by the wayside because we are looking for Mr SugarDaddy
The media and rap videos portray sistahs as money hungry ho's and a lot of us keep on perpetuating that stereotype because they can't see beyond the material things to look at the character of the man.

[mhd]

more like a nickle a dozen

[garagemusic]

Originally posted by SuzanneT:
Ok, I know Im going to piss some people off, especially some of my sistas but here it goes:

Im not hurt when Black men date outside the race, My hope is that people find true happiness wherever it lies. Men date whoever makes them feel good about themselves and some sistas (if the shoe fits wear it) just aint doing their jobs. I am so tired of hearing women place all the blame for our men dating outside the race on the men. Alot of black women need to look in the mirror and ask themselves "When I expect a man to have an Escalade, a house, Prada shoes and Armani suits, what exactly am I bringing to the table for him?" You can't think "All I need to do is look good and sling some of this good pussy on him and he's all mine" Pussy is a dime a dozen!!!
Brains, love, support, and the ability to keep your man's spirit uplifted and the ability to be self sufficient are invaluable assets men like to see FIRST in a woman. NOT can he pay to get my nails done, my hair done, pay my rent, yada yada yada... Nobody wants to feel like somebody else only looks at them for whats in their wallets. Too many good men are left by the wayside because we are looking for Mr SugarDaddy
The media and rap videos portray sistahs as money hungry ho's and a lot of us keep on perpetuating that stereotype because they can't see beyond the material things to look at the character of the man.

just one thing aren't white women doing those things too... ;)