1. Sheena Easton, 9 To 5
Maybe not so much of a surprise this one, as John was clearly smitten with the Scottish lass who won probably the earliest of reality shows, Esther Rantzen’s Big Time, made two appallingly vacuous and grating 45s as part of the deal, and wound up as Prince’s girlfriend. It’s pure toss, of course: it regressed the cause of feminism by many years, as the singer gleefully relates how her feller toddles off to work on the morning train, and she waits for his return each day, when ‘night time is the right time/We make love.’ Jesus wept, and no wonder by Christ. Seeing this performed by a heavily made-up 8 year-old girl on Minipops was surely the low point of Channel 4’s early years. John regularly programmed the song into his roadshows, added it to the 1980 Peelenium and a copy was found in his Record Box after his death. But did he ever play it in the course of his normal shows? Oh yes, and had the temerity to describe it as a ‘great pop record’ afterwards. So is the jury still out on this one, or have they recommended the death penalty? You are the judge.