what to do if your husband/wife/partner cheats on you ?

[mhd]

was the cheater a male or female?

[the crackhouse]

yes, i think counseling is a good thing. but i would like to know what other people think about the subject also. i wonder if anyone else who has been cheated on has gone on to have a succesful relationship with that person.
female and male points of view welcome.

I did come out (and so did my wife) of such situation.
We already had our kids, that was 7 years ago, after 5 years as a couple.

The kids didn't solve anything in the problem, but the adults did!

She had reasons and I understood, we broke up for almost 1 year and came back slowly together, because we knew we just passed trought some new experience of life as individuals and as a couple.

I was wrong on many aspects on so did she. No one was to blame but ourselves. We did'nt see any conseilor cause we didn't feel that openning our intimacy to a stranger would be good, but that's just us.

I believe that once both are involved into knowing why it hapenned, the questions of who, when, how much?.. are plain useless.

Today, we can talk about that without a change in our heartbeats. That's when you've build a good confidence in yourself and the other.

Good luck with that, time to have a long long loooooooong talk.

If I can, I'd like to generalize enough to give an advice: while discussing, let no space for egos and try to hear and understand what happened on both sides. Yelling, insulting and taking everything to heart is childish and counterproductive.

Idance

Idance

[JJ11]

talk about the situation, why it happened, and decide how you both feel about it and go from there.

the answer would depend on the situation.

if we were in a supposed total commited momogomous relationship, and it was done in deceit and on the sly - then i'd be over it

but if there was more to it, i'd probably not care...

usually people "cheat" because of something - most people aren't honest with their expectations with eachother. one person is selfish and wants their 'partner' to be there for them, while they do what they want with no regard. that's not acceptable. but if someone was honest and attracted to others and something happened i'd talk it out and see if we are not meant to stay togehter or go forward

knowing the situation the best that i can, it sounds alot like if someone was honest and attracted to other, and something happened i'd talk it out and see if we are not meant to stay togehter or go forward.

[JJ11]

I did come out (and so did my wife) of such situation.
We already had our kids, that was 7 years ago, after 5 years as a couple.

The kids didn't solve anything in the problem, but the adults did!

She had reasons and I understood, we broke up for almost 1 year and came back slowly together, because we knew we just passed trought some new experience of life as individuals and as a couple.

I was wrong on many aspects on so did she. No one was to blame but ourselves. We did'nt see any conseilor cause we didn't feel that openning our intimacy to a stranger would be good, but that's just us.

I believe that once both are involved into knowing why it hapenned, the questions of who, when, how much?.. are plain useless.

Today, we can talk about that without a change in our heartbeats. That's when you've build a good confidence in yourself and the other.

Good luck with that, time to have a long long loooooooong talk.

If I can, I'd like to generalize enough to give an advice: while discussing, let no space for egos and try to hear and understand what happened on both sides. Yelling, insulting and taking everything to heart is childish and counterproductive.

Idance

Idance

i am glad to know that coming back together and being truly faithful to one another, after one cheats, is possible and can work.
thank you for sharing your experience. your advise is encouraging.

[geo]

Go get some strange yourself.

[JJ11]

I did come out (and so did my wife) of such situation.
We already had our kids, that was 7 years ago, after 5 years as a couple.

The kids didn't solve anything in the problem, but the adults did!

She had reasons and I understood, we broke up for almost 1 year and came back slowly together, because we knew we just passed trought some new experience of life as individuals and as a couple.

I was wrong on many aspects on so did she. No one was to blame but ourselves. We did'nt see any conseilor cause we didn't feel that openning our intimacy to a stranger would be good, but that's just us.

I believe that once both are involved into knowing why it hapenned, the questions of who, when, how much?.. are plain useless.

Today, we can talk about that without a change in our heartbeats. That's when you've build a good confidence in yourself and the other.

Good luck with that, time to have a long long loooooooong talk.

If I can, I'd like to generalize enough to give an advice: while discussing, let no space for egos and try to hear and understand what happened on both sides. Yelling, insulting and taking everything to heart is childish and counterproductive.

Idance

Idance

it is such a wake up call, finding out how something could come between something that seems so good and sure.

[kara]

was the cheater a male or female?

is that a factor?

[Phyllis Hyman Cherry]

Wonder if it changes the situation when you know the person your partner cheated with?

[MadMixer]

"only happened once and will never happen again" generally means "I dont want to hurt you any more because you wouldnt be able to handle the truth"

[JJ11]

was the cheater a male or female?

female

[JJ11]

"only happened once and will never happen again" generally means "I dont want to hurt you any more because you wouldnt be able to handle the truth"

please elaborate further.

[JJ11]

Wonder if it changes the situation when you know the person your partner cheated with?

how so ?

[the crackhouse]

i am glad to know that coming back together and being truly faithful to one another, after one cheats, is possible and can work.
thank you for sharing your experience. your advise is encouraging.

What I live now after 12 years of love and morning erections, is that my love was first very passionated.
Today, it is not rooted anymore into emotions, it is a strong sentiment that I found someone who respects me and that I respect that much.

To be honest, I found that since my couple has been going through illness, money problems, cheating and all the common problems any couple can have, we did build a strong and loving couple.

And ain't no fucking sexy SueT avatar gonna take that away from us!

Idance

[Phyllis Hyman Cherry]

how so ?

I dont know.With me i didnt know the person he cheated with.I dont know how i would have reacted if i knew the person.

[MadMixer]

please elaborate further.

It has happened more than once but the truth will be way more devastating to your feelings or the possibility of staying together

[the crackhouse]

I dont know.With me i didnt know the person he cheated with.I dont know how i would have reacted if i knew the person.

There's a great difference, as the stranger can take any form that you would like (better than you or worse than a rat) and the bad thing is you can fantasize on anything and everything, while the fellow or new close friend can only be seen as the bastard he/she is.

Idance

[JJ11]

What I live now after 12 years of love and morning erections, is that my love was first very passionated.
Today, it is not rooted anymore into emotions, it is a strong sentiment that I found someone who respects me and that I respect that much.

To be honest, I found that since my couple has been going through illness, money problems, cheating and all the common problems any couple can have, we did build a strong and loving couple.

And ain't no fucking sexy SueT avatar gonna take that away from us!

Idance

if i can ask, was it a cheating issue from both sides in your case ?

[JJ11]

It has happened more than once but the truth will be way more devastating to your feelings or the possibility of staying together

so how could i find out if it has been more than what it appears ?

[JJ11]

I dont know.With me i didnt know the person he cheated with.I dont know how i would have reacted if i knew the person.

i know the person.

[the crackhouse]

It has happened more than once but the truth will be way more devastating to your feelings or the possibility of staying together

C'mon let's be clear, would you see a once long-loving partner coming at you stating how good was the last night and tell you all the detailed story in a row?

Idance

[Devant]

so you think after being honest for ten years, if someone cheats once and admits it, that
they will always cheat ?

what makes you so sure they were honest for ten years?

[Phyllis Hyman Cherry]

There's a great difference, as the stranger can take any form that you would like (better than you or worse than a rat) and the bad thing is you can fantasize on anything and everything, while the fellow or new close friend can only be seen as the bastard he/she is.

Idance

I think i would be most devestated if it were an old friend.

[the crackhouse]

if i can ask, was it a cheating issue from both sides in your case ?

It wasn't from both sides if you mean "having sex or an affair with someone else", no.

Idance

[bkny11203]

"If your girl starts acting up...then you take her friend."

[JJ11]

There's a great difference, as the stranger can take any form that you would like (better than you or worse than a rat) and the bad thing is you can fantasize on anything and everything, while the fellow or new close friend can only be seen as the bastard he/she is.

Idance

yes , i know the person.