what to do if your husband/wife/partner cheats on you ?

[EddieW8]

Depends on the situation, but I'd probably forgive him. Besides, monogamy is for lesbians.

[MadMixer]

so how could i find out if it has been more than what it appears ?

Better question is do you REALLY want to know

[the crackhouse]

i know the person.

Friend, Family, Co-worker, Boss or Cellmate?

Idance

[Phyllis Hyman Cherry]

yes , i know the person.

So how will your relationship with this person be now?

[JJ11]

what makes you so sure they were honest for ten years?

i guess no one can ever be totally sure. it does make me wonder.
if it did happen more than once, i wonder how i could find out ?

[the crackhouse]

So how will your relationship with this person be now?

Probably



Idance

[kara]

Depends on the situation, but I'd probably forgive him. Besides, monogamy is for lesbians.

ha, funny, lesbians i've known are commitment strong and often want a freaking wife on lockdown .. what is up with that?

[JJ11]

Friend, Family, Co-worker, Boss or Cellmate?

Idance

distant friend, if you can call that friend.

[dj aakmael]

what makes you so sure they were honest for ten years?

I already asked that on pg.1 lol

[the crackhouse]

i guess no one can ever be totally sure. it does make me wonder.
if it did happen more than once, i wonder how i could find out ?

If she wants to stay with you and told you right away, I wouldn't try to know about previous cheating.
Let her talk for a while and see if she has some secrets to share. And if she shares, it means she doesn't want to fuck up everything.

Are you rich?
(just teasing you)

Idance

[D J 1 3 8]

cheating does not have to be the end of the world

it's all about what you can personally live with

[JJ11]

Better question is do you REALLY want to know

if it is someone i am considering staying with, i do.
i do not want to be in a relationship with a chronic two faced liar.

[the crackhouse]

cheating does not have to be the end of the world

it's all about what you can personally live with

Absolutly, and thank you for this golden shower last time in Slovenia!

138 is right, ego has to be sometime put down to zero. Flesh is not the same as a 5 years relationship in your back.

There's a french song which goes like "I hope she left me for another man, not be because of me."

That's how short this should be.

Idance

[geo]

distant friend, if you can call that friend.

If you want to move forward you need to drop wanting to know more about the past.

Curiosity killed the cat (or in this case the pu$$y)

Ask her why she cheated and understand how you are going to move forward together (if you are and even if you can).

[MadMixer]

if it is someone i am considering staying with, i do.
i do not want to be in a relationship with a chronic two faced liar.

You may want to ask yourself more questions before coming to this conclusion

[JJ11]

If she wants to stay with you and told you right away, I wouldn't try to know about previous cheating.
Let her talk for a while and see if she has some secrets to share. And if she shares, it means she doesn't want to fuck up everything.

Are you rich?
(just teasing you)

Idance

found another (hidden) cell phone, and what was in it. with the cell phone in hand and showing it to her, she then came with all the info, admitting to it all..
so , after i found what i did, she told me,
but, this is atleast 6 months after the fact, so it has been something she has been sitting with for about 6 months, and the cheating happened 6 months ago.

[Discogoddess]

Depends on the situation, but I'd probably forgive him. Besides, monogamy is for lesbians.

Whoot!

[Daniel, Grand Duke of Stony Island]

cheating does not have to be the end of the world

it's all about what you can personally live with

A. Do I feel cheated?

B. Did I feel cheated in some respect prior to discovering her affair?

C. Where does sexual exclusivity fall within my values?

D. Where does sexual exclusivity fall within the dynamic of our relationship?

E. How were you treated by her, regarded by her and valued by her throughout the relationship?

Look: if she took something you both once shared away from you or if she stopped sharing something with you in order to share it with someone else, her decision was made long before you think you have a decision of your own. If she found herself charmed to attraction with someone else and they came together momentarily, then it is something she did away from you that doesn't actually involve you. Discuss it, but with the understanding that it is her individual experience, not your experience together.

If you both agreed to sexual exclusivity - not just assumed it because of social dynamics and the theater of wedding vows - but actually sat down and decided that your relationship would depend upon and thrive upon sexual exclusivity, then you have to decide ON YOUR OWN what the breech of that means for you AS AN INDIVIDUAL.

If you're going to stay together throughout the fallout and make a go at sticking together, know this: You have to do whatever you have to do to ensure you're not dealing with the torture of fear. If every time she's late or somewhere else, you're suffering through morbid fantasies of her cheating again, you will know the kind of pain that clouds your sense of logic and reason. You want to avoid this pain at all costs. You don't have to accept that suffering. There are other ways to endure after this.

Whatever you have to do - perhaps forgiveness and reconciliation, abandonment and moving on, some combination of the two or an end to the illusion of sexual exclusivity for both sides - do it. Nothing is worth suffering.

[the crackhouse]

found another (hidden) cell phone, and what was in it. with the cell phone in hand and showing it to her, she then came with all the info, admitting to it all..
so , after i found what i did, she told me,
but, this is atleast 6 months after the fact, so it has been something she has been sitting with for about 6 months, and the cheating happened 6 months ago.

Well, if I had cheated once and my wife didn't know it, I wouldn't tell her for the sake of being upright.

So, what do you plan to do now?

Idance

[Daniel, Grand Duke of Stony Island]

There's a french song which goes like "I hope she left me for another man, not be because of me."

That's how short this should be.

Idance

This is beautiful.

[Daniel, Grand Duke of Stony Island]

found another (hidden) cell phone, and what was in it. with the cell phone in hand and showing it to her, she then came with all the info, admitting to it all..
so , after i found what i did, she told me,
but, this is atleast 6 months after the fact, so it has been something she has been sitting with for about 6 months, and the cheating happened 6 months ago.

Came clean when confronted and seems to have suffered herself.

The answer to your question lies in your honest reflection on the past 6 months - what has your relationship been in that space and time?

[JJ11]

cheating does not have to be the end of the world

it's all about what you can personally live with

i do not want to be in a relationship where there is on going cheating.
i want to be in a relationship with an honest , faithful person.

[SuzanneT]

found another (hidden) cell phone, and what was in it. with the cell phone in hand and showing it to her, she then came with all the info, admitting to it all..
so , after i found what i did, she told me,
but, this is atleast 6 months after the fact, so it has been something she has been sitting with for about 6 months, and the cheating happened 6 months ago.

Wow. Sorry you're going through this. When you say you found this hidden phone, did you find it by accident or was there other indications that something wasn't right in the relationship?

[the crackhouse]

This is beautiful.

If google translator is your friend, try to feed him with the original lyrics:

Dîtes le moi
dîtes-moi mais
qu'elle est partie pour un autre que moi
mais pas à cause de moi
dîtes-moi ça
dîtes-moi ça

Great song.

Idance

ps: ok, google sucks, so it goes more like:

Say it to me
Give me story, but (tell me)
that she left for another guy
and not because of me
tell that to me (and nothing else)

[Daniel, Grand Duke of Stony Island]

i do not want to be in a relationship where there is on going cheating.
i want to be in a relationship with an honest , faithful person.

Keeping it from you and coming clean when confronted isn't faithful?

She shared her sex with someone else - ok. She shared the truth with YOU.

I'll tell you what I told my daughter and son in law after a big argument they had just before Xmas:

The good times may not always tell you you're with the right person, but the bad times never reveal you're with the wrong person.