BREAKING NEWS:
AIRLINE PASSENGER DETAINED ILLEGALLY
Radical Jewish Cleric Jesus of Nazareth was detained at Dulles Airport today, while trying to board a flight to Bethlehem.
INS and Homeland Security Officials stated that his name was suspiciously similar to that of a suspected Terrorist, Jesus of Flatbush, who appeared on the Agency’s official “no-fly” list, and they had no alternative but to detain him.
“I’ve been taking this flight for 1,972 years,” said The Radical Nazarene, “and I have never had any trouble before.”
Thus he spake: “I had a crucial appointment for a CNN appearance on The Mount scheduled for last night, and was really concerned that many of my disciples would be disappointed, so I asked them why I could not board the plane.”
“We can’t tell you,” they replied.
“But I paid cash for my ticket,” said the bearded long-haired radical Insurgent, who said that his father may have been watching the whole thing.
"There is a process to clear names," said Asa Hutchinson, the Homeland Security Department's under secretary for border security. "But it does illustrate the importance of improving the whole system, which we are very aggressively working to do."
It seems that many innocent martyrs have been detained and refused access to flights since 9-11. The ACLU has instituted numerous lawsuits in Federal Court, and just last month The Radical Buddhist Cleric Siddartha was refused boarding on his flight to Katmandu.
He was confused with Said Ar-Tur, who has been on the FBI’s most wanted list for three years.
The ticket agents who tried to block Mr. Artha from boarding his plane worked for US Airways, officials said. Amy Kudwa, a US Airways spokeswoman, acknowledged that Mr. Artha was a frequent passenger, but declined to comment on the incidents.
“Sitting under a tree for thirty years was easier than getting on a plane in The USA,” Mr. Artha said. “Jesus Christ, what a mess.”
“I agree,” declared the Radical Nazarene, “with this kind of treatment –
I’ll never come back.”
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