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Thread: SPECIAL DHP EASTER EDITION OF: "WHEN KEEPING IT REAL GOES WRONG..."

  1. #1
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    NARRATOR: It was Easter 2004. DEE DEE SHERIDAN decided to have the entire DHP gang over for dinner... (ST. MAGUS, JMJ, DISKOQUEEN99, MYNIA, TRINDEE, DANNY GARDNER, MAGIC JUAN, RICHIRICH, TORIN, KOZMIC GIRL, 6 23, U, MYOR and LARISSA J) It was a magnificient spread... Barbecue ribs, fried chicken, pork chops, ham, blackened catfish, fried green tomatoes, candied yams, greens, corn, mac and cheese. Little did the DHP gang know this meal was not catered but fixed three days ago BY DEE DEE's Momma. APRIL FOOL's DAY fell a little late this year... Let's watch...

    ---

    DEE DEE: Who like to say the prayer....?

    DISKOQUEEN99: Bless O Lord this food {these gifts} to our use and us to thy loving service; and keep us ever mindful of the needs of others.
    (She begins to speak in tongues...)

    DHP GANG: (Looking baffled) AMEN...

    ST. MAGUS IS THE FIRST TO TAKE BITE OFF HIS PLATE.

    ST. MAGUS: Yo mamma cooked this didn't she...?

    JUST THEN DEE DEE'S MOMMA ENTERS THE DINING ROOM. PAUSE.

    NARRATOR: You see the expression on everyone's face... (MYNIA hair stands straight up [img]graemlins/scared.gif[/img] ) They thought this meal was catered. WTF is DEE DEE'S MOMMA doing in the kitchen... This was the perfect opportunity for DHP to make amends for all the YO MAMA CAN'T COOK JOKES over the years or IT WAS A PERFECT OPPORTUNITY TO KEEP IT REAL.

    ST. MAGUS: Awww hell fucking naw....

    JMJ: When you said the grace and got to speaking in tongues I hope you didn't pray for this...

    DISKOQUEEN99: What... - how come you didn't say the prayer...

    JMJ: I don't have to pray before eating my momma's food - she can cook...

    RICHIERICH: I am sure this is wonder meal MS. SHERIDAN... Come on y'all lets be polite... (whispering to 6 23) You got bottle of kaopectate...

    6 23 PULLS OUT A PICTURE OF A BOTTLE OF KAOPECTATE. RICHIERICHIE GIVES HER A WTF LOOK.

    DANNY GARDNER: I ain't gotta be polite. This ain't the RAPPER'S DELIGHT and I don't have to think of a lie not to eat this bullshit..

    TRINDEE pulls out a fat ass bag of weed...

    TRINDEE: I am going to need something to make me hungry before eating this shit...

    MYNIA: I'M FULL....

    DEE DEE PULLS OUT A SMALL HAND GUN...

    DEE DEE SHERIDAN: Sit your tangled weave down. I am sick of y'all talking about my momma... SEE ALL Y'ALL HAD TO DO IS BE NICE AND TRY THIS SHIT. YOU THINK I EAT THIS HOT GARBAGE... NOOOOOOOO. BUT I DO TO PUT A SMILE ON MY MOMMA'S FACE, BUT SINCE YOU WANT TALK SHIT IN MY HOUSE, WHERE I LIVE Y'ALL GOT EAT EVERY MUTHAFUCKN CRUMB ON THAT PLATE. ITS PAY BACK BEOYTCHES....CUFF'EM MOMMA... I AM GOING TO FORCE THIS SHIT DOWN Y'ALL THROAT... YOU BEOYTCHES GO EAT THIS SHIT AND LOVE IT..... HAHAHAHAHAHA BEOYTCHES.... YOU LIKE THAT TORIN... I SAID BEOYTCHES... BITCHES... BAAATCHES... BAN MY ASS.... THIS IS MY HOUSE AND I LIVE HERE.... CUFF'EM MOMMA...

    U: Can I take my clothes off first...


    TO BE CONTINUED...

    [ April 11, 2004, 10:55 AM: Message edited by: BHouse ]
    I dreamed of Revelry and found Revelry.

  2. #2
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    [img]graemlins/rofl.gif[/img] waiting for the sequel...
    heard some new stuff lately?

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  4. #4
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    "WHEN KEEPING IT REAL GOES WRONG..."

    DEE DEE's MOMMA HANDCUFFS EVERYONE TO THEIR SEAT ONE BY ONE...

    LARISSA J TAKING OFF HER FEATHER BOA...

    LARISSA J: I could choke a muthfucka with this muthafucka right about now...

    TORIN: Yo ass is banned DEE DEE...

    DEE DEE: Who is that lurking outside...

    DEE DEE DROPS TO THE FLOOR, FLIPS AND PEAKS OUT HE WINDOW LIKE MALCOLM X.

    DEE DEE: DAMN.. ITS KOZMIC GIRL...

    DEE DEE OPENS THE DOOR QUICKLY AND SNATCHES KOZMIC GIRL...

    DEE DEE: YOU LIKE TO LURK HUH... NOW YOU GET THE SAME TORTURE AS EVERYBOY ELSE...

    JUST THEN MYOR JUMPS UP WITH HER GUN POINTED AT DEE DEE. DEE DEE USES KOZMIC GIRL AS A SHIELD WHILE POINTING HER GUN AT MYOR... ITS A MEXICAN STAND OFF WITH A TABLE OF NASTY ASS FOOD IN THE MIDDLE.

    MYOR: I AM GOING TO MAKE YOU AN OVERNIGHT CELEBRITY LIKE TWISTA BITCH... DROP IT...

    MAGIC JUAN: (sounding like TWISTA)I wish these hoes would cook something they know I like...

    6 23 PULLS OUT A PICTURE...


    MYNIA: Gurl don't you ever speak

    6 23 PULLS OUT A PICTURE OF A LIL RED X...

    MYNIA: Cat got your tongue...

    TRINDEE: (smoking a joint) This shit is trippy...

    DISKOQUEEN99: JMJ do something...

    JMJ: DO I LOOK LIKE SENSE PRODUCTIONS...

    OFFSCREEN WE HEAR MOANING... EVERYONE TURNS AND SEES U MOANING AND GROANING TO HERSELF. NAKED...

    RICHIERICH: SEE THE FOOD IS NOT THAT BAD...

    MAGIC JUAN/ST. MAGUS: SHE MASTURBATING UNDER THE TABLE...

    RICHIERICH: I guess it is...

    DEE DEE'S MOMMA HITS MYOR OVER THE HEAD... MYOR FALLS TO THE FLOOR. DEE DEE'S MOMMA BEGINS TO HIT MYOR OVER THE HEAD WITH HEAVY ASS PLATES OF MAC AND CHEESE. SHE STOMPS THE HER.

    ST. MAGUS: HIT HER WITH ALL THAT SHIT... PUMMEL HER ASS...

    LARISSA J: SHE GO KILL HER...

    ST. MAGUS: Yeah, but we won't have to eat that shit...

    DHP GANG: BEAT HER ASS... KILL HER... STOMP HER HER ASS... FUCK HER UP BIG MOMMA... U MOANS OUT LOUD... 6 23 TOSSES PICTURES UP IN AIR OF RODNEY KING AND REGINALD DENNY...


    TO BE CONTINUED...

    [ April 11, 2004, 01:14 PM: Message edited by: BHouse ]
    I dreamed of Revelry and found Revelry.

  5. #5
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    [img]graemlins/rofl.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/rofl5.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/rofl.gif[/img]

  6. #6
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    "WHEN KEEPING IT REAL GOES WRONG..."

    DEE DEE: KOZMIC GIRL HAVE A SEAT...

    SHE SITS KOZMIC GIRL DOWN..

    TORIN: You better let me go...

    DEE DEE: You know what TORIN - I am going to duct tape your ass shut and keep feeding you and feeding you and feeding you...

    TORIN gets silent....

    TRINDEE: Look at all the pretty colors...

    MYNIA: Gurl snap outofit...

    TRINDEE: GREEN DOLLARS, YELLOW EYES, PURPLE RAIN, BLUE BALLS...

    MYNIA: TRINDEE you trippin... Those ain't none of the LUCKY CHARMS I know of...

    DEE DEE: VELMA AND DELUISE CUT IT SHORT...

    DEE DEE'S MOMMA PICKS UP MYOR AND THROW INTO AN EMPTY CHAIR... SHE HANDS CUFFS EVERYONE...

    JMJ: ENUFF IS ENUFF... I HAVE SPOKEN...

    DEE DEE: I GOT A SOME BUDWEISER'S IN THE REFRIDGERATOR...

    JMJ: er... (thinking)

    DISKOQUEEN99: Traitor...

    MAGIC JUAN OPENS HIS CELLPHONE UNDER THE TABLE AND DIALS A NUMBER BEFORE DEE DEE'S MOMMA CAN HANDCUFF HIM...

    MAGIC JUAN: WAIT TIL MY HOES FIND OUT ABOUT THAT I AM BEING HELD HOSTAGE AT DEE DEE'S MOMMA HOUSE...

    DEE DEE MOMMA FINDS THE PHONE AND CLOSES IT...

    MAGIC JUAN: (YELLING AT THE PHONE) BITCHES GET HELP...

    EVERYONE IS NOW HANDCUFFED...

    DISKOQUEEN99: This reminds me of FEAR FACTOR when they make people eat ostrich nuts and shit.

    JUST THEN SENSE PRODUCTIONS BURST THRU THE WINDOW AND SLAMS IN THE WALL A LA GREATEST AMERICAN HERO.

    DEE DEE: WTF...

    TO BE CONTINUED...

    [ April 11, 2004, 12:58 PM: Message edited by: BHouse ]
    I dreamed of Revelry and found Revelry.

  7. #7

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    OK, all I wanna know is, why is it that every time you write a story, I am the one with the weed? You must have me mixed up with someone else. I mean, I do partake in the holy herb, but damn! You got me high or getting high in everything you post.


    The story is funny though. (and I aint high!) [img]graemlins/rofl.gif[/img]
    I got to keep on dancin\'....

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